Ask An Expert – Ololade: How Can I Tell If My 16-Year-Old Is Sexually Active?

Q: How can I tell if my 16 year old is sexually active? She’s grown up so fast and I’m hardly home. She’s an only child and has been a sweet girl but I don’t want to keep being in denial about this. I wish to find out, and if she is, what’s the right thing to do or say to her? Please help.

Ololade Hector-Fowobaje, Child Sexual Abuse Expert, says:
What is more important right now is to equip her with knowledge and skills to ‘handle’ her sexuality. Empower her with a complete and comprehensive sexuality education verbally and with appropriate publications; she’ll be an ‘adult’ in two years and on her way to the university, so there is really nothing to keep from her.

I dare say this may be coming rather late as this education should have started years and years ago. Attitudes would have been formed already which may be positive, negative or even perverted. What you tell her now may still impact her positively but please be warned that behaviour modification is usually tough; plus society and the media are not helping matters.

Still, go ahead and talk to her privately in a calm toned, eye-contact and feel-free-to-confide-in-me way. Hopefully, this would open up a channel of communication on her sexuality and all.

On the sexuality issue, our part as parents, especially mothers, is to teach our children what’s right and what’s wrong, and inspire them to make good choices. Once we have taught them, the choice is really theirs as they mature.

A comprehensive sexuality education in summary teaches identification, functions, purpose, design, problems, protection and timing.

* Identification – identifying the private parts that must be protected from common infections and predators.
* Functions – The functions of the sex organs and puberty changes.
* Purpose – Sex is for married people for the purpose of intimacy, and procreation. Emphasize abstinence.
*Design – God’s Heterosexual design vs. the homosexual perversion.
*General Problems – Highlight the potential risks of any sexual activity (STDs, HIV/AIDs and pregnancy) and busts myths; plus how to handle temptations.
*Protection and their issues – condoms, pills
•Timing – In the safe union of marriage.

Would love to know how it goes.