Dear MIMsters: How Do I Convince Hubby It’s Best He Returns To Nigeria Considering These?
I am 30 years old and hubby is 50. He lives abroad but I married him here in Nigeria when I was 23. Then, I was in school. I got pregnant immediately after our wedding and put to bed that same year. He left about a month after the wedding and only visits once in 2 or 3 years since then.
I have since graduated from the University and our son is now 7 years old. I have been begging him to take us to live with him since our son’s birth but he has kept saying he wants to come back and settle in Nigeria.
He finally came back last year with the help of his family and agreed to start coming home at least every six months. The first six months lapsed this October, but whenever I ask him about coming home, he says he doesn’t know what I’m talking about.
I conceived during his last visit and will be putting to bed anytime soon to our second baby but hubby is nowhere to be found.
I wish I never married him. I never loved him from the onset but don’t hate him. Our union was arranged by his relatives and mine, and I married him because he lived abroad – I had thought at least, he should be rich, after all, the usual notion is that anybody who lived abroad is. Besides, all my friends got married same year and I also needed someone to help with my university education which my parents couldn’t afford. I am grateful to him for that because I am a graduate today but that doesn’t solve my problem.
Hubby isn’t getting younger, yet, as the typical Ibo man he is, he still believes that he must make money in Europe before he returns to settle with his family. He has been in Europe for 16 years now, still, we are not rich, though we are not hungry either. I don’t have any savings because I don’t work and the little hubby sends is barely enough for our welfare. By the time he gets paid and removes his rent and money for other social amenities, his meagre income is gone.
He has a land in the village that is worth 25 million, and his family has told him severally to come and sell it and start a new life here in Nigeria with his family. Yet, hubby is not giving in at all.
Please, how do I convince hubby that he should leave Europe and come back? At 50, half of the years everyone wishes to stay in this world is spent. Why does he still believe that after 16 years abroad without any success, remaining there is the best option? Apart from us being uncomfortable, my kids need to know who their father is. Since I married him 2009, we’ve not spent up to 3 months together. So, I don’t even know if am still married or single. No hubby, no money, no fun. Please, advise and don’t judge me. I am still young and need to enjoy life.
You married for all the wrong reasons and now you’re suffering for it. Personally if I was in your shoes, I will get something doing to bring in money for me and my kids and then get a divorce later. Then again that’s just me. I believe you know what to do since you know what you want for your life. All the best.
Speechless
U should had known u are still young to enjoy life before u decided to settle with an abroad hubby
hmmmnn.deres notning u can do.just keep praying n talln to him
so in your mind.. you have adviced the poster..#sigh…smh
“Abroad Syndrome”. It has ruined many lives, now 7 years of marriage, you never spent up to 3 months with your husband, I don’t even want to talk about how it’s almost impossible for both of you to stay faithful to each other in those 7 years of marriage by phone call. And to the reason why your husband has refused to relocate to Nigeria, I’m not sure it’s because of money alone, I really think he has a wife over there even before he married you, but this is only a thought “no prove”. Now, since he has refused to relocate, there is almost nothing you can do, because you can’t even think of divorce, since you solely depend on the stipend he sends to you. So, I will advise that you go spiritual about it, use your free times to be steadfast in prayer, only God can bring him back to Nigeria…I believe you have learned your lesson, you can now use your experience to advise others. P.S: There is nothing wrong in marrying a man that lives abroad, but before saying “I do” at the alter, make sure your traveling papers are complete, so that immediately after the wedding you will be traveling with him back to his base, not the one he will impregnate you and leave you to your fate until God knows when he will touch foot in Nigeria again. #enoughsaid
Divorce is not an option here… You taught marrying a guy abroad will give you all. I would advise you get something doing and get busy.. Live for your kids
At 30 you still have your whole life and future in front of you, don’t allow any old man to put your future on hold.
First off, you’re a graduate, go out there and get your certificate useful at least to be able to afford nice things for yourself and your kids. This is no marriage as far as am concerned.
I will not advice you to move out, yo are wearing the shoes and should know what’s the best for you. But at this age, I won’t let anyone stop me.
Madam wake up to reality. You are not married. Logically, yes but in reality what you have is not marriage. Your husband has another family that he is more devoted to. His family just pressurized him to get a Nigerian wife and you were the willing victim. Stop depending on him, get something doing to generate income no matter how small. If you want to know if he really cares about you and the marriage, threaten that you’ll leave him and move on with your life then watch his reaction.
Hmm, I strongly believe your hubby has another family with him abroad even though there’s no proof. Maybe he’s only trying to safeguard his own future because his ‘abroad’ family would not want to come back to Nigeria with him. So , he’d have you and the kids to fall back on. By that time, you have wasted your youth waiting for him – no fun, no felt marriage, no marriage experience!. But you cannot just be living like this – at your young age. It’s better for you to get something doing so as to take care of yourself and kids. Then, if hubby is still not yielding (to visit more frequently or to stay with you as a family), then ask for a divorce and live your life and with time you settle down with a man for love and enjoy marriage!