Hold Back Your Tongue: 5 Things You Should Never Say To Your Child

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Your child sure knows how to get on your nerves, but you must control your emotions and get your point across in a rational manner, without doing any damage to the emotional development of your son or daughter. Shola Okubote shares 5 things every mother must NOT say to their kid(s):

1. YOU ARE A MISTAKE
One of the most deadly sins of parenting is telling your child that his/her birth stole your life away, whether you are a single or married mother who had an unwanted pregnancy; don’t transfer your bitterness and resentment to your child. Getting pregnant and having the child is totally your decision so take responsibility for it. No matter what a child has done, don’t ever say he/she is a waste of space or that you should have aborted her when you had the chance. It is a horrible hurtful thing that no child should hear, it makes them feel like an intruder that disrupted your life and not worthy of love.

2. BE MORE LIKE YOUR SISTER
If you think your child isn’t doing so well, help the child out in a constructive way, comparing them to others could destroy their self esteem, make them fatally competitive and even damage their relationship with the child you are comparing them to. They could also think that they can only get your approval when they are like someone else and that you don’t love them for who they are. Help your children see the beauty of their own uniqueness by focusing on each individual without using comparisons. When you compare them to others you are indirectly telling them they are not good enough.

3. YOUR FATHER IS NO GOOD
As much as you may want to, you need to hold back on this one. Do NOT speak negatively about your husband or your child’s father to the child. If you are having problems with him, talk to an adult. Don’t put that burden on your children, they are kids and they can’t fully understand complex adult issues. Don’t let them have to worry for you, it will hurt your child.

4. I AM ASHAMED OF YOU
You can tell your children you are disappointed in their behavior and make them sober for what they have done without shaming them into feeling guilty. There are times when shaming works produces the behavior we want from a child, but most times it comes along with the feeling of inferiority that can last a life time.You don’t even want your child to think you will love them less when they make mistakes.

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5. YOU ARE SO DUMB
You hurt your child’s feelings every time you use negative words to describe them. Even if the child acts silly often, don’t tag the child as “silly”, being called names continuously can leave the child truly believing that he or she is damaged, worthless, useless, bad and defective, and sometimes they might carry that feeling into adulthood.