Dear MIMsters: My Fiancé Is a Pathological Liar But Should I Still Marry Him?
I met my fiancé during my NYSC in Abuja. He proposed last month. It’s been a dream relationship for him and for me too, like a union made in heaven until 6 days ago when everything came crashing like a pack of cards because he is a pathological liar.
He works with a construction company and a graduate of Unilag or so I thought.
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It all started while we were at his crib going through our wedding plans. I was looking for a piece of paper to scribble down a list of items when I came across his recent CV. To my greatest surprise, I didn’t see any qualification other than technical and secondary school as his educational background. Immediately, I confronted him about this and he told me about ten different lies within 2 minutes. He said it was an old CV then changed to “no, it was a typing error,” then to he didn’t include his university qualification on purpose etc.
I was mad. Not only because he lied about being a graduate but because I just caught him red handed and he was still lying plus remembering all the fake stories he told me about his University and NYSC days. So I took my things and left when he refused to confess.
He’s been calling and apologizing since then but I haven’t given him audience partly because I am not yet over the shock and mostly because I am considering calling off the wedding. If he can lie about something like this then there’s no limit to what he can lie about and I can’t risk having a marriage like that.
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He simply told his family that he lied to me and they should help him beg me, but he didn’t tell them what he lied about and they’ve been bombarding me with calls especially his mum but I am not budging.
Finally he confessed after 5 days of denial. His excuse was that he was scared I will reject him if I knew from the onset that he was not a graduate and that he still intended to tell me.
The truth is I wouldn’t have rejected him if he was honest from the onset cause he’s so polished and well spoken that you can never tell. He’s very good at his job and easily got promoted. He didn’t proceed to the University as he lost his dad and had to get a job to help care for his siblings. I would have understood that, any girl would.
Despite his pleas and promises never to lie to me again, I can’t seem to get past this one especially since he looked me in the eye and still told me 10 different lies after catching him red handed and it took him 5 days to eventually own up to the truth.
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I think he’s a hardened liar deep inside and will still do it over and over again in the course of our marriage, so I’ve decided to call off the engagement.
Please Mimsters, tell me if I did the right or just overreacting?
Plz,forgive him n put it in prayers. Ask God to direct umuna
I think u shud forgive him for this act but it all goes down to the fact u don’t know him well enough for marriage. cos marriage is trust, openness, and communication. Allow the courtship to be prolonged for sometime more. Use dis period to really get to knw him more, visit his workplace, family, knw his friends and gather info( Act like a detective ). If at the end there seems to be no more lies and u feel u can marry him regardless of his education status, then all well and good. ALL THE BEST, SHALOM.
I think God loves u, dats y he let u find out b4 tying d knot.any man that could lie about something ds important sure has a lot of things hidden in his closet.no matter how had it seems now, pls take a walk b4 u find out dat even dat “his crib” as u called it is not his own but he’s only being squatted. I know someone it happened to so don’t think it can’t happen
Just walk away..better safe than sorry. Marriage brings out the “real me” in people and anything you can’t stand during courtship, you sure can’t change it in marriage.
Ease him out of your life. From what i can glean here; that guy is not just a serial liar, he is very very insecure. He may claim to love you but when the truth is desperately needed to save you……….He will LIE!
Hmmm this is a very serious matter. Marriage is openess, trust, communication, honesty and loyalty. No matter wht we’ve done in d past or present we are suppose to open up to our partners if required or requested before one gets married. If our partner asks a certain question simply tell the truth bcos its likely dat h/she has alrdy heard somethng b4 asking questions but any questns not asked abt d past pls DO NOT tell. In this situation he has broken the trust. The question is, is it God that allowed you to know this and what would God want you to do in this situation? Do you feel peace going back to him after the lies? He could have said 10 lies in bcos he was scared that you caught him. He could hv said 10 lies bcos he is ashamed. Is he a wonderful person, how does his family regard him, does he treat you well? You can choose to postpone the wedding and then take time out to know him well and wht he is hiding, you can choose to walk away from it all, you also have the option of seeking the face of God concerning the whole situation. My sister may the Lord guide you in your decision making in Jesus name.
Forgive him but Please give yourselves more time to study and know each other well before making the decision for marriage don’t be carried away by sentiment be practical and firm when making that decision
well aside from those lies due to fear or watever he called it are u suspicious of any other tin if yes confront him nd tell him u wantore time on the courtship bfore marraige don’t forget to still b humble cuz if not in ur next relationship if u happen to leave this u will continue sniffing around for issues and wont have a relaxed mind.u guyz can just give urself more time nd let him no dat ur love for him is not based on wat he is but who he is.
Sadly , some people are pathological liars. Fortunately for you ,you have seen the signs early enough. Follow your gut instinct . Liars NEVER change, they only get worse.
I had a friend once in my university days ,who used to lie like her life depends on it. It was so bad, that if she tells me it’s raining outside I would have to check!
At the end of the day ,the choice is yours.
Can you live with a liar (forever)?I am sure you already know the answer….
Please pray very well before you take any decision. You are hurting at the moment which is normal because he breached the trust you had for him. If you really love him you can stil forgive him. Would you have left him. It is well with you.
forgive and forget. Maybe he has had rejection in the past due to his status thats why he had to conceal it. if you truly love him please go ahead.
I keep saying that whatever goes on in courtship will still take place in marriage. My dear he lied to you about his education and even told you stories about his life in school and during his NYSC which turns out to be lies….ah! That guy is terrible. You have to take a walk my dear, don’t settle for less or for what you are not comfortable with, because if you go against what your heart tells you to do, you’ll end up regretting your actions in future. One love.
We all are human no one is perfect we all deserve a second chance so please dear poster forgive him
Please and please forgive him and both of u shld sit down and talk about things like this. Make him understand that both of u are going to b joined as one so u two shld avoid keeping secrets from each otther
Forgive him anyway and be more prayerful
a pathological lair? not sure it worth it
He didn’t just tell you he is a graduate, he went ahead to tell you stories about life on campus and NYSC camp, this is a serious matter! This man is a pathological liar and he has an inferiority complex which will lead to serious problems when you are married. I think you should have a meeting with his mom. Tell her what you have discovered, all his lies and your fears. Ask her to tell you the true story of his life from his birth to date. Pls don’t be shy to ask questions. If his stories contradict his mother’s then run. You need to know who you are marrying but in the true sense of it how many women really know the men they are married to?, you are just a lucky girl! I have heard women referring to their husbands as 2face, 3face…they have different lives from the lives they live at home.
I experienced same thing during my school years….dated the guy from 200 level till after nysc…Very intelligent guy, helped me pass all my mathematical courses that’s why the whole was painful.
I found out after nysc that he didn’t graduate, he faked all project stuff and all, lied that he was working with Etisalat when we graduated, lied about so many things….And we were already talking marriage. Imagine the life of misery I would have had. Immediately I found out I ended it. He went obsessively crazy on me. Insults, threats,name it. But I stood my ground and the rest is history…Thank God I ran from him, I would have been suicidal if I had married him..
So plaster, that relationship is founded on lies,it cannot be sustained. Move on with your life.
What else, if you can tolerate him go with him, if not quit. A lair will always be
Very wise. Only God knows what other things he has lied about to you. Better safe than sorry.
I think u should 4give him n go on with d wedding.
walk away…
u can ask him does he want to attend a university u can help him to enrol in if not he would always ve inferioty complex.he might truely love u but as complex.leaving him. Not the best try and sort out the issue with him inmarriage u need a mature mind.after marriage u discover will ve left him.be matured and iron things out please
Girl walk away, dealing with a liar is not going to be easy.
Run as fast as your leg can carry you, that’s how he would cheat on you and tell you numerous lies