Dear Mimsters: Do you think my husband will change and come for us?

It all started two years ago. My husband would always come home and sit on his own, lost in thoughts. He’s 44, I’m 28. Is this how people change?

When I asked him what the problem was, he would always say nothing. Meanwhile, I’ve been trying to conceive after I had my daughter who is now 7 years-old. One faithful night, my husband called and sat me down for a discussion. He told me his pastor said that if I don’t accept another woman into our home, I will not get pregnant again.

It was like a bad dream I thought was going to end. That night, we quarrelled but he supported his Pastor and said a second wife was somewhere in the future.

I couldn’t sleep that night. In the morning, a friend took me to a female prophet who told me that my husband lied. She revealed my husband already has a woman he wants to marry. I went to my mum and told her everything. She was so angry because she never liked him.

I returned home to confront him with the information I had received from my prophet and he got mad, calling me every name under the sun. I ended up begging him to forgive me. Days after, I found his lover through his phone and went to meet her. She said she didn’t know he was married and that they had been dating for years. I spoke with her at length and she encouraged me not to leave my home and promised not to marry him.

I went through hell in his hands afterwards. To him, I had spoilt his relationship with the woman. Life with him became unbearable for me. I even left for my parent’s house and returned after a family intervention. I forgave him because he’s an African man who wants children.

I became pregnant that same year but my problem worsened. My hubby had already met another woman he wanted to marry. When I was five months gone, he got her pregnant and stopped providing, let alone pay his daughter’s school fees. I went through hell with that pregnancy.

I work in a private clinic as a receptionist and my husband brought his pregnant lover to the same clinic where I work because she was bleeding. I almost died that night but he didn’t even care.

He took her to his village to tell his people that he wants to marry her behind my back, not minding it was going to affect me and the pregnancy. His people did not agree to a wedding,  so he went alone. He came back and stop talking to me for weeks.

My mum went to his shop to speak with him about how he treats his pregnant wife and he came home furious, asking me to leave his house. After my uncles got involved, he said I must leave after delivery. I was hoping that when I deliver, he will have a change of heart when he sees the baby. To my greatest surprise, he chased me out of the house with the children.

I returned to my parents with my children six months ago and he’s never called nor checked up on us.
My parents and siblings want me to abandon the marriage. Did I mention that he wanted to have sex with my elder sister?

His family wants me back but they are not the ones I’m married to and he’s not even remorseful. I’m so scared of the future. Do you think he will change and come for us? I need some advice and encouragement.