Dear Mimsters: Should I still marry him?
My boyfriend is from Warri and I’m from Akwa Ibom. He wanted me to marry him early next year but he said he’s been hearing about the long bride price list in my place. So when my sister recently got married, he told me to at least show him the list to know what he’s up against.
I showed him the 6 page list and as he went through it, he started murmuring. He asked why dad was given things at three different points and why mom get the Same costly items three different times too.
Went on to ask why the suitor should give items to paternal and maternal grandparents separately. Like the thing for paternal grandfather is different and that of his wife (grandma) is different too. Same applies to maternal grandparents.
I tried to explain that that’s our culture. He questioned why he has to give items to the youth & old women of the village and uncles. Why he had to “pay” particular items thrice to the same person. Asked how my dad alone will finish the 12 crates of drinks and four cartons of wine he’ll give him.
He did the calculation and said the list is up to N1.5mil. He got really upset and said I should better prepare that he’s not paying that, that it is not bride’s list but extortion. He started speaking that warri pidgin and said so many hurtful things. Said he’ll come for the introduction and once they present a similar or even more expensive list, he’ll tell my people he’s not as rich as my sister’s husband and he’ll not pay. That he’s not used to such list. He went on to call the sister and she told him her own list was 450K. (He didn’t explain what was happening between us though)
I asked him if he’d rather leave me than pay the bride price and he said he’d rather train my last brother to the university or buy a nice car for dad after paying cheap bride price than spend money buying different expensive drinks for just anyone even those that made no impact in my life.
I understand and I don’t want him paying that on those things but it’s just the culture and those things will be demanded and he’ll have to present them. Unless he doesn’t want to marry me traditionally.
I realized that this guy will not marry me as it’s going and I decided to withdraw from the relationship and tried to move on but he made it impossible to let go, he’s really asking me back, calls every time saying we should get back together, made people he respects to talk to me, saying he’ll do anything, including paying those things to have me in his wife but I’m having cold feet.
I don’t want him to come and disappoint me at last. I don’t know if I should still continue this relationship and if we’ll be able to adjust to these cultural differences.
I can’t believe you walked out of the relationship because of the list. You definitely don’t love this man. You are putting your family and people that dont even matter before your marriage. You are more concerned about him not disappointing you instead of looking for ways of cutting down on the list. Just simply tell him you don’t love him and he should look for another wife. He surely deserves a better wife
All these useless nigerian traditions laid down by mere men and we continue to uphold them is sickening. I don’t see anything wrong with what he said. It is pure extortion if you ask me. We need to put an end to all these shit please.
I quite understand ur bf. My wife is from Warri and their list is half a page and not more than 100k to fulfill.
Akwa Ibom girls are very expensive. I once saw their list and was shocked to see Italian suit and shoes in it…. Lol…. When did suit become an African attire?
My dear, u better find a way to reduce d cost cos una no go chop grass after feeding d entire community
y buy thing for even your ancestors.its outrageous.Amy one could act the way he did.talk to ur father to cut down the list….
The guy is totally right, if truly you love him then have to stand by what he said and convince your people to cut down the cost.My dear we are in recession and your lucky to get a man who is ready to marry you.Marriage goes beyond all the bride price being complete to the letter, once you enter the real marriage starts so be wise.