Dear Mimster: I have been waiting for him for many years. Am I wasting my time?

Am I wasting my time? I’m 28 and a single mom of I who got pregnant in my teens. I was in SS3 then, so was unable to write till date. It was a terrible time for me when I got pregnant as my family basically threw me out. The guy responsible denied me and my unborn child but I managed to take care of my child and I. Today, she is in secondary school and I am very proud of her.

I’ve always wanted to go back to school but it’s been kind of difficult because I didn’t have the financial support. I have a job, and even though I am the manager, it doesn’t pay much but I am grateful.

To cut the story short, I have been dating this guy for 8 years now and 2 years into our relationship, he got another girl pregnant. I was very devastated. I left him but he kept pleading and apologized that I am the one he wants and he doesn’t love her at all. I forgave him and we moved on. He was still at the university then. I stood by him through everything. If he needed money for his kid or himself, it was me. He was working and schooling and in that time, I never got any financial help from him. I figured that he is the one paying his bills. I didn’t complain cause I’m not one to depend on a man.

Years later, we had a fight. I got to find out that he still had something to do with his baby mama. I was really vexed, so I left him and in that time I met someone else and we formed a relationship. He travelled abroad and we have been communicating well.

After he travelled, I got back with my ex and we started dating again. Now he is a graduate and working but I still don’t see any change in him financially. We do not live in the same state anymore since 2 years and he has proposed to me. He has even told his family about it and I accepted but the problem is I am still paying for everything alone, even the wedding plans are on hold cause no dime has come from him.

If I am in need and I need 1k, I cannot depend on him. He can’t even boast of giving me money to make my hair. I am not the type to ask for money cause I feel he should know what I want and need but this one does nothing, not even when I need financial assistance to pay my kid’s school fees. I can’t count on him to help.

It has been going on like this since we started dating. I’m always the one bringing money to the table and I don’t want to live like that. I know that he’s having issues with work; he is currently on training, so, no funds yet, but I feel like if we eventually get married, I’ll be taking care of myself and I’m always making excuses for him. Sometimes I don’t even feel the relationship. I want to leave and at the same time I don’t want to.

My friend abroad is pleading with me to wait for him but he is a Yahoo Boy. He’s been the one helping me financially. This is someone who doesn’t see me but the problem is that I don’t want to marry a Yahoo boy. I am at a crossroad right now. Do I keep on waiting for my current relationship and hoping that things will change? I have been patient enough, don’t ask him for money and always been independent. I just want to see that he can share what he has with me.

I am going through a lot right now and can’t even depend on him. Some might say it is because I don’t ask but how can I when he is always complaining not to have. I just feel like it is about time he takes care of me for a change by paying some of my bills. I don’t think I’m asking for too much.

I feel like ending the relationship and moving on but I am scared of starting a new relationship. I don’t know what to do.