Dear MIMsters: How I Nipped my Abusive Relationship in the Bud

I want to share my story about an abusive relationship I found myself in. I was dating this guy for some months and he was OK until the day he raised his voice at me in public. I told him it should never repeat itself and we made up.

Of course, it repeated itself in the worst way ever. We had issues and the young man threatened to hit and embarrass me if I didn’t leave his house immediately. I left his house and I didn’t even need to tell him it was over, I just blocked him on every social medium. I blocked him from calling too.

Two days later, he called with a different number to say “can we see and talk?”, I told him we had nothing to talk about and hung up. He called the next day, still sounding like he was right. His best friend tried to tell me to forgive but I paid deaf ears. The sister came too but I blocked her.

It was like I never loved this guy. From “we need to talk “, it became “please, talk to me.” I snubbed him like a plague and moved on. He tried reverse psychology by saying “in fact, I’m tired begging, bye”.

I called him back for the first time and said he just made me very relieved and he should stop embarrassing himself with calls to his ex . He was speechless. It got to where this guy met me at an eatery and knelt down there at my table to beg for forgiveness. He looked very out. I know very well that as I left, he would never be able to replace me. I told him there’s someone out there for everyone and that his life, I made beautiful with my fun loving presence. He said that was true. That his friend could confirmed that he was depressed, he couldn’t sleep, he was lean.

I know I didn’t do much but I’m someone who can’t be replaced. I’m a breath of fresh air and when I leave a place, that cheerful atmosphere goes with me. I’d be happy in a relationship, I’d be happy single. I’d be happy anywhere, anyhow and that, I know.

He stalked me everywhere, even got my days schedule to hang around waiting for me. Disturbed my family and friends to explain what happened and how he was a changed man. At a point, he said I was with another man. That that was a logical explanation for my mean attitude. I refused to rebut the claim and that drove him crazy. He hung around my house in his car at night waiting for me to just get out and talk to him.

I have very good girlfriends and at a point, I threatened to get a police restraining order to keep him from lurking around my place. He had to feel it. For weeks this dragged on.

Then, one day, he asked me to return his book, I did. There and then, he started begging me to take him back that even if his dad sends him to insult me, he’ll never repeat it. He told me he thought I was the average nice girl who will simply talk about it after the incident and move on.

He said that he has realised that I’m not existing just to have a relationship and that makes this relationship different from what he’s seen and I’m so confident I could dump him like that without blinking. He said that was the moment he realized he couldn’t lose me. That I’m not a pushover kinda girl.

He underestimated my self esteem. He said that he respects me for defending myself and it will make him step up his game. He said he fell more in love with me in my absence, that was when he realized what my presence brought and misses everything he once complained about. He said he couldn’t believe his cool sweet girlfriend turned into a mean person, (he doesn’t know I’ve been a MIMster for 3 years now).

I can’t even write everything he said. His words gave me food for thought. I accepted him with serious conditions and there’s never been a repeat. He now realises how this affects the way I see him.

I know some people will say that it works for me, meaning, I’m just lucky cause it doesn’t work for everyone. I’m sorry but it’s nobody’s fault if you choose to be with a man who doesn’t respect you. If you notice any sign of physical, verbal or emotional abuse, kindly respect yourself and leave. That’s the best way to get others to respect you. Don’t even expect him to come back. Just pamper yourself. He may never come back but believe me, it saves you from postponing the heartache.

Don’t be in love with just the idea of marriage. It can make you marry anything when you’re worth much more. Abeg!