Post Partum Depression: A Nigerian Mother’s Experience

Post partum depression is not a hoax, neither is it a white man’s illness. It is very real. I have experienced it, so I know.

Reminiscing, I thought, “what have I done? Really, what have I done?” “This baby… so real and alive and up to me to care for, this nearly 10 pounder. My breasts hurt from my milk coming in. The pain is physical and intensely emotional, all mangled into one.” “I cannot cope with this. I need to go, I need to run. Anywhere or I could give my child to a more deserving family. I could have my old life back. He’s crying again. I need to feed him. Can I really touch him? Will I be able to bring up any human being the way I’m expected to? He’s mine, so I can, but I can’t touch him. Why am I being so ungrateful for this child that I so desperately desired and prayed for.”

This is typically what ran through my head for a week after my first son was born. I had prayed for him and after a year I was pregnant and so very excited to be a mom. I went to all the mother baby site possible in anticipation of being the greatest mom that ever lived, except for the baby blues and depression pages. I always skipped those. Why? Because i thought that could never happen to me. It was reserved for ‘oyibos’ and perhaps people that didn’t want kids.

9 months after and I was filled with dread every time I thought of my little near perfection. He was gorgeous, he was beautiful but i was constantly filled with deep dark thoughts. I cried constantly for no apparent reason, everything made me upset.  I couldn’t stand to be alone for even one second.

How did i get over it? I wasn’t afraid to talk about it. One day my mid-wife came to the house and randomly asked me if I was having any thoughts and sadness and bouts of weeping. I couldn’t contain the emotion and burst out crying right there. Of course she had seen this a thousand times before. She gave me a big hug and said as much, “You are not alone my dear, thousands of other mothers face the same thing. You’ve got the blues dear, that’s all.” Talking about it to your husband, midwife or friends seemed to make handling it so much easier. Just knowing that it was hormonal and would pass was a catalyst in itself for recovery.

2 weeks later, my husband and I looked back and just laughed over the notions I came up with at the time and thought them to be perfectly rational.

So, I say to all expecting mums out there, read the baby blues pages to know exactly what it is and never think its about the individuals personality or geography. Baby blues can happen to anyone, anywhere. The important thing to remember is that it will pass, but you need not suffer in silence.