The Devastating Effects of an Abusive Couple on their Kids: The Kadiris Story

Promise Ovie Usula

The Kadiris (Mr and Mrs) were known in the neighbourhood as an abusive couple. Other families avoided them, even their landlord was tired of settling conflicts between them.

Jerry and Joan are the children of the Kadiris. They were twelve and ten years old respectively. They did excellently academically until things began to turn upside down. They witnessed dad beat up mum on several occasions, but they were too young to make peace between them. All they could do was to cry each time such happened.

Often times, Jerry and Joan were left by themselves. Reason being that after every fight they had, each parent would take some time out for weeks, leaving the children behind for weeks. This made Jerry and Joan spend most times on their own: roaming the streets just to get food for their hungry stomachs. They began to see life in another dimension. They did things that were not fit to be done by children of their ages.

They joined their mates on the streets fetch water, wash dishes, baby-sit and do other domestic chores in exchange for plates of food, few cups of garri and scarcely ever, some currency notes. They practically had to stop school for some period because their dad no longer made their education his priority and as such refused to pay their fees till they were sent home due to unpaid fees.

The Kadiris patched up things by making peace each time they fought. This happened severally till they eventually had to get a divorce. By this time, Jerry and Joan were nineteen and seventeen. So many things had change, especially their sense of reasoning and behaviour towards people. They were rude, stubborn, saucy and lacked good morals. Apparently, they had seen the other side of life.

Their parents’ divorce did not seem strange to them as they had practically lived alone since childhood. In the meantime, the children had mingled with all sort of people especially the street children. Jerry started exhibiting negative vices like smoking ,womanizing and using alcoholic. Joan on the other hand, started flirting with guys.

Mrs Kadiri was in custody of the children after the divorce. She had to get an apartment in a different environment in the same state. As it were, there was virtually nothing she could do to repair her children’s damaged life: or probably she did not care. She went out so early each morning and returned very late at night usually when the children were asleep or worse still, when they chose not to sleep in the house.

Well, she enrolled them in a school after a long break in their academic life. But things were never the same as they could hardly catch up and were not regular in school attendance.
In school, Jerry was among the ‘bad gangs’ while Joan was involved in illicit affairs with students and teachers. Most times, they got dressed in school uniforms but had extra clothes in their school bags in order to meet up with other ‘appointments’. School was a thing of the past to them as they eventually stopped for no reason.

Life went on for the family as usual. Mr. Kadiri got married and raised another family almost immediately.
Mrs. Kadiri’s life was no better than her children’s. She became so reserved. Her daily routine was house to work, to the market and back to the house. She did not visit anyone, neither did anyone visit her. She was filled with sadness and depression that she had to take sleeping pills to get sleep.
Jerry had spent months in jail for stealing, fighting and even kidnapping. He did these and more just to make ends meet. Joan had her share of misfortune. She was not left out in life’s drama. She had several abortions for different men until she got pregnant again. This time around, her life was on the line as the doctor told her it was a 50-50 chance if she has another abortion. This made her keep the pregnancy. The guy responsible automatically became irresponsible as he disappeared into thin air. This became the beginning of hardship for Joan. She hated her life. She hated her family, she even hated her unborn child.
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But did anyone care? No.

When things go wrong, the society will be very quick to pass judgement. They do not care to know what people go through in life or why people put on certain behaviour. Most people have been through hell and back: and as such their hearts are hardened and are ready for more worst experiances in life.

Instead of putting up a sanctimonous attitude, why not try a little kindness?
Don’t be too quick to judge people because we do not have equal privileges.