Dear MIMsters: How My MIL Succeeded in Ruining My 2 Years Marriage. I Hope She’s Happy
This is the story of my life. Right now I have become a single mother of one after 2 years marriage. My ordeal started one year after marriage.
My MIL wanted to know everything going on in our home. I was married for 2 years. During those 2 years, I had three miscarriages. When the 1st miscarriage occurred, I know I had stressed myself too much. The second miscarriage occurred while I was on bedrest, and the 3rd, my MIL insisted I shouldn’t go to the hospital and recommended I use an Alagbo.
I followed her to the Alagbo (herbalist) who did somethings and gave me different herbal drinks. My parents insisted I go to the hospital. After plenty wahala, my husband finally agreed to take me to the hospital. But my MIL wasn’t happy. At the end of the day, I lost the pregnancy again.
For my fourth pregnancy, my parents insisted I come and stay with them and use a trusted doctor, and thank God everything went well. My MIL only came to see me once throughout my stay with my parents. I thought things were going to get better after putting to bed. My son was born in the 34the week via a CS cause I started bleeding. After giving birth, the real wahala with my husband and his family started.
My husband and his family started planning for naming Ceremony. (NB: I was with my parents in another state and was still in the hospital). My husband and his mum had their own plans for me already which I didn’t know. His plan was for me to embark on a long journey from my parent’s house to another state where we reside for the naming ceremony and to dump me with his mum in a 2 bed room apartment with 5 grand kids.
My parents told him that I can’t travel a long distance journey at the moment that he should postpone the naming for a week or two till I’m fit to travel long distance. But they went ahead to do the naming ceremony behind us. After the naming ceremony, my husband came to pick us and I told him that I want my mom to come and help with the baby for just 2 weeks and after that his mum can take over. My husband said no, because he and his mom already had their own plans.
To cut the long story short, he took my mum and I to Lagos out of annoyance. Lagos was another battle field on its own. My husband started punishing me, my baby and my mum. He didn’t give me money for food, no money for formula for his son. He faced my mum and insulted her, and he said he is no more interested in the marriage because he believes that my mum is controlling me. All these happened just 2 weeks after I gave birth.
I was still on high BP drugs caused by pregnancy. He didn’t even consider his new born baby. He frustrated my life just because I didn’t come for the naming ceremony and refused to go and stay with his mum after birth, and because my mum followed me to Lagos. After waiting for 2 weeks hoping and thinking he’ll would change and he didn’t. I packed my things and left his house. Right now I am back in my parent’s home.
He now wants to see his child 2 months after I left. He didn’t send any money for the child’s upkeep until shortly before he indicated interest in coming to see his child. He sent only 5k. I told him he can’t come to my house and has he forgotten he abused my parents and chased my mom out of the house. He has gone to report me to the social welfare office that I don’t want him to see his son. Right now, that is where we meet every month and he gives 10k for the child’s upkeep. I know I might have made some wrong decisions too but what joy does some MIL deprive from destroying their son’s home. She controls my husband’s and tells him what she wants and he’ll come home and start fighting me that that is what we’ll do. Even if it will jeopardize my health. Right now our marriage is broken I hope she’ll be happy wherever she is. (NB: she always tells me she’s the one that asked my husband to marry me as if am disabled).
My dear I think you married your husband because you love him. Right now the two of you are allowing your parents to interfere with your marriage. I think you have to save this marriage by allowing a reconciliation. Forget and forgive all the wrongs. Your parents have their lives, to live, pls leave them out of your marriage.
When you are married your husbands decision must take precedence over your parents. You disobeyed your husband which is wrong. Your husband didn’t want your mom to come, why must she insist to come? If my SIL doesn’t want me around, I would never insist. I respect myself o! I wouldn’t say you both deserve the treatment you got because he was also illmannered.
It seems you two don’t have a problem with your marriage but your parents. Why must you let them ruin your marriage?
Stop reporting your marital problems to your parents. It’s easier for you to forgive and forget but your parents will never forget.
There is no pride in a relationship. Call him and talk things out with him without any quarreling. You both have to promise each other that you will never allow your parents to interfere with your marriage.
I believe you can still work things out.
Whatever you do, don’t leave your husband or any of his family alone with your baby so they don’t kidnap him from you. That your mother in law is evil. If I was you, I won’t go back oh. He is a mummy’s boy and not ready to be married. Until he is, please stay with your parents.
Rubbish, you’re better off without these people. The paramount thing in life is good health and sanity and you can’t guarantee that staying married to this Tom boy and his overbearing mom. Try and stay strong and look for a job after your recovery, you have to prove to your son that you ain’t a failure.
i personally believe tat her mm fllowed her because of her health condition and to monitor her welfare after cs, not necessarily to interfer in her marriage. any loving mother will do the same. the problem u have is your husband who is still a kid.
na wa
The Bible says, a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. Your hubby is the main problem here. He has not grown up and by the time he realizes, he might be too late. Forget him jare. Except he repents and begs for your forgiveness. Just take care of that handsome boy. God would see you through IJN
All these mother-in-laws sef! Their own is usually too much. Majority of them will never let go of their sons, forgetting that he is married. They always want to inflict the same power they had over them on their marriages, causing commotion and strive in their son’s home. Unfortunately, the sons are usually so dumb, they don’t even know where to draw the line for their wicked mums and protect their homes.
Hmm, I don’t blame ladies who pray for mother-in-laws that will give them problem to die before they meet their son o!