How To Deal With Stubborn Children (Part 1)
Mark Wealth
Wikihow tells us bluntly that punishing stubborn kids with hurtful or humiliating methods is generally ineffective. If anything, it will create strong negative emotions and reinforce the stubbornness they were trying to deal with. The key to dealing with stubborn children lies in understanding the cause or reason for the strong-headedness.
Stubborn kids, from teens, down to toddlers are usually at turning points in their growth phase and are just asserting their individualism and boundaries. Yes they are also testing you but itâs not with a view to making you pop a vein and get admitted for partial stroke. They are just testing to know theirs and your boundary. This applies to anyone they are interacting with. With this our new found knowledge, letâs explore a few ways we could positively deal with these stubborn offspring of ours.
Donât Beat, Join Them Instead
As we mentioned before, these children who exhibit stubbornness are just trying to express and assert themselves. They want to be sure that their independence is real and that you recognise it. So when youâre giving an order, theyâre like âI can choose not to so why should I do it?â. This is their inner conversation. So they exhibit a countering by resisting. Now youâre the adult and you have the wisdom of knowing their inner thoughts, use it.
Before you even give the order, get close to them and show some interest in what theyâre doing. If theyâre teens, theyâll probably be on their phones. Talk about something you saw on Facebook or ask what theyâre doing. When you have made that connection and theyâre down with you, let them know what you want them to do. Theyâll feel it like itâs coming from their mind because you guys are âoneâ. Heâll probably bump knuckles with you and give the peace sign before cheerfully taking out the garbage or whatever you asked of him.
Are You Listening?
They might be trying to tell you something but youâre trying to get them to do something else. Toddlers are usually just understanding they are individuals. They have an opinion and they want to express it and be acknowledged. The same goes for teens and teens who are experiencing hormonal changes and emotional turbulence as a result. When they prove stubborn, ask them what is wrong or why they donât want to go. Be patient and listen to what they have to say. Really think about it and if itâs valid, respond appropriately. If not, try and reason with them. Tell them, âI understand but donât you think…?â
They will be more willing to comply with you once they know youâre acknowledging their opinion and taking time to respond to it.
Choices, Decisions and Egos
Another way to make your strong-willed child is to empower them. When you want to get them to do something, give them alternatives and ask what their choice is. âHey Joe, will you wash my car now or mow the lawn tomorrow?â or âEmma will you do the dishes or laundry?â. The idea is to make them âfeelâ independent by choosing what or when to get your instruction carried out.
(To be continued)
Not really easy though.
Very well noted.
Osheyyy MIM
Thnx