3 Reasons Why Marriage Should Not Be A Do or Die Affair

Mark Wealth

Marriage is a beautiful thing. You meet someone or realise that someone you’ve known for a while has qualities that make you feel butterflies in your belly or puts winds in your sails. You feel that with this person standing beside you, you can be all you were meant to be. His/her feelings are mutual and you guys tie the knot and look forward to “happily ever after”.

Time passes and you realise, “oops! I’ve gone and messed my life up. Marriage isn’t what I thought it would be”. But there are kids, your kids and you can’t just up and leave the house that should be your home; it’s now a place of bondage. Some others in such a situation are worried about what “people” will say. Or maybe it’s more personal; they don’t want to give up because marriage should be forever. They stay in the marriage and are soon reduced to mental cases or a shadow of who they were before marriage happened. Here are a few reasons why you don’t have to approach marriage this way, like it’s a do-or-die affair.

The Beginning
If the foundation is flawed, the whole building is in danger of collapse. The mind-set with which most people view, prepare for and enter marriage is faulty. The traditions that have been passed down make it seem like the purpose and climax of everyone’s life is to get married. Parents pressure children, both male and female to get married already. They bring in both realistic and unrealistic reasons why adults must get married yesterday. Unrealistic is that you are not yet a woman if you’re not married or that you’re not recognised and respected as a man if you don’t have a woman submitting to you as wife and subordinate. This is wrong. They are the ones who are regarding you as no being a complete man or woman.
Realistically, they talk about the biological clock and yes it is ticking. But giving birth to a child that will grow up in a dysfunctional home to become a dysfunctional adult and continue he cycle of spiritually and mentally impaired human beings shouldn’t be the remedy. Take your time, find and love yourself; some lady or guy will notice the aura of a satisfied and complete person and will come asking to be friends.

Reality Check
Almost everybody that enters marriage with the wrong perception suffers for it (you might just be lucky or blessed to meet an angel of a person). Also, some people who go into marriage with the right state of mind get some rude shock: their spouse is no who they made out to be. If they are truly mature spiritually and mentally enough, they will make an effort to make things right but sometimes, this too fails. What to do then?

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The husband could turn out to be one who values his career more than his wife/home. The wife could turn out to be one who has a vile mouth and spits cutting words here, there and everywhere…but the husband just wants some peace. Either wife or husband could be physically, and yes, sexual abusive. Some women get used to slapping their husbands because he just can’t come round to returning the favour; a real man won’t do that. Besides that may not stop her.
Some men beat their wives like it’s a sport while a few force themselves on their wives who are too weak to fight back. Yes she’s your spouse and owes you sexual satisfaction as you owe her too but she should be pampered and seduced not pinned down and violated. You, wifey, can’t keep staying in this kind of relationship and expect to be a complete human being. It will slowly or quickly snuff the life out of you. Get out while you can…and be sensible about it. Some men have been known to embrace the evil thoughts in their heads when they find out their fed-up lover is leaving. They take her life and sometimes commit suicide after the murder.

Better Or Worse Off
It’s noble to sacrifice most of your freedom, self-development and career to build and keep a good marriage and a happy home. Of course, it’s not going to be easy. You have to put in time and effort, sweat, blood and tears. And it will all be worth it when you find out your spouse cheats on you/verbally and physically abuse you/ neglects you and the family for his own selfish career or pleasure, yes?
If after you’ve bled some part of your life into the marriage/home; you do some self assessment and find out that years have passed and you have retrogressed or at best been stagnant, you need to start asking yourself some questions. Is your partner really acting like he’s married to you? Is he balancing his withdrawals from you as a wife with equal or even more deposits as a husband? If not, you need to have a sit-down-and-talk with him. If he doesn’t respond in a positive way, as they would say, give yourself some brain and ask for some time off…or better yet, tell him you’re taking off.