Twelve Questions Your Teenager Child Is Reluctant To Ask You But Should

Mark Wealth

Twelve questions from the mind of inquisitive teenagers. They won’t feel comfortable about asking these questions especially if you’ve been overly restrictive in your style of parenting. Do you have appropriate answers to these questions that are very important to your teen, and could change the course of their lives for good or for bad. Don’t wait for them to summon the courage to ask you first. Look for opportunities and think about the best way to broach these topics with love, light-heartedness and respect. They really need the guidance. 

To give you an insight into the workings of a typical teen’s mind, here are some questions they’re definitely contemplating but are scared to ask.

1. Did you every try smoking and/or drinking? And with this, they also want to know how it felt. Their peers are trying it and talking about it. They want to know how you handled it and if you’re “qualified” to answer questions about drugs like the next question.

2. Is it bad to want to have sex? I get aroused when I am around friends of the opposite sex and it feels good. I don’t want to do the wrong thing like get pregnant but these feelings are real. And I don’t want you to know because you might say I am a bad person. So I’ll think about this some more before I ask you…if I decide to ask you dear mom/dad.

3. How can I say no when I also feel like doing it? They might have already judged themselves for having these thoughts not understanding that everybody has these thoughts so they probably might never ask you this.

4. If I Use A Condom, Can I Have Sex? This is as good as confessing that they have had sex, even if they haven’t.

5. What if I’m attracted to someone of the same sex? With the whole LGBTQ issue trending on social media, they are sure to start entertaining thoughts in that direction. This will be fuelled by discussions and possibly, pressure from their peers. Even here (Nigeria) where it’s forbidden, these issues are real and happening nevertheless. They would rather talk to you but will definitely be apprehensive about initiating the discussion.

6. Why is pornography bad? This is an issue that will arouse their curiosity but unless you bring it up, forget about your teen kid having a sit-down with you on it. I bet even you will be wary about broaching the topic. But it’s something you cannot hide from your teen or avoid altogether. They are definitely hearing about it if not already visiting porn sites.

7. Is masturbation bad? It doesn’t involve any other person, they can’t impregnate any one or get pregnant but there’s something about it that doesn’t feel right. It’s that weird feeling that also makes it a difficult issue to talk about.

8. How Should I Handle An Erection? This occurrence is already embarrassing by itself. They would rather talk about this to their friends than with a parent. Period! This is a job for dad or a father figure.

7. Am I Allowed to Kiss? It’s an intimate thing, a preliminary to sec and so they will subconsciously be worried about tipping you off on what they may be contemplating.

8. Can I Get Date Someone From Another Faith? Religious intolerance is real. No matter how engrossed they are in their social activities, teens also have to consider the news of terror when socialising. They may get close to someone from another faith but fear what you will say. I mean they heard your strong opinions about followers of that “other” faith/belief system.

9. Why are you always in my business? They know you’re their parent and you have a right to “be in their business” but their inner compass tells them they should be given some space. Their inner compass also tells them not to challenge your authority. That’s assuming you haven’t been too licentious in your relationship with them.

10. How Can I Make My Breast Bigger? For some innate reasons, teens want to be like their peers, especially those who attract more attention. Girls would always compare and talk about their body parts. Girls who have been exposed to sex or relationships will talk about how boys are attracted to big breasts. Naturally, they want to be like their friend and grow bigger breasts.

But asking you that question might make you think they’ve got their minds in the wrong place. They’ll feel you will open up a can of lectures about boys and sex and blah blah.

11. Is It Okay To Bleed Down There? This is another phase of puberty that makes kids feel like something is wrong. First, it’s blood: that’s got to be bad. Secondly, it’s “down there” (Raised eyebrow). It’s private; not something to just get up and talk about, right? Except you initiate the conversation.

12. Can I Go And Live On My Own? Some will be bold to ask this when they have had it up to here with your restrictions and monitoring. Though they know the answer will be “No” or “As long as you pay your rent and feed yourself with your own money!”. Otherwise, they wouldn’t want to ask you because it might annoy or hurt you. But this is one thing that’s constantly on a teenager’s mind.

To put it simple and sweet, they are experiencing hormonal changes and it’s making their minds do the twist and tango at the same time. They’re trying desperately to make everything “make sense” and that includes this feeling of independence they seem to crave.

Despite all this, they also crave your love and acceptance that they are distinct individuals and have their own desires and expectations. If only there was a reconciliation between the confusion in their head and your expectations of them