Dear MIMsters: Am I Being Inconsiderate Of My Husband’s Insecurities?
Am I being inconsiderate of my husband’s insecurities?
I am a 26-year-old woman who has been married to a 36-year-old man for a year and a half now and we have a 5-month-old son. Before my husband and I got married, we were good friends for four years. We knew almost everything about each other, including the people we use to date or flirt with.
A year after my first breakup with my ex-boyfriend, my husband suggested that we start dating because he saw changes in me, he said he noticed that I was no longer into dating or flirting. It took a while before I agreed to give it a try, but I did.
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I have been a faithful and sincere wife, but my husband flares up whenever this particular man I dated in the past comes to my restaurant to buy things, or comes with his friends. The thing is, even before we got married, he had issues with this man coming to the restaurant. He told me to warn and disgrace the man to stop him from coming which I did just to prove to him that there was absolutely nothing between us.
I initially thought he had these insecurities because we were weren’t married then, but now that we are married, I can’t believe he is still making such a big deal about. I don’t serve this man, I don’t talk or engage this man whenever he comes to my restaurant because I have waitresses who are paid to do that. He has never seen this man call me. He says that the issue is that the man disrespects us by coming over to the shop to buy things.
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He wants me to still insult and warn him to stop coming, he even went as far as suggesting that I tell my mother to warn the man from coming to the shop. I am very confused because this is somebody that I could care less about, and for me to go to that extent, seems like I have something to hide or I still have feelings for him.
I need your advice, I want to know if I am right in my refusal to warn this man for the second time when he has not approached or talked to me in an inappropriate manner. Could it be that I don’t understand where my husband is coming from? My question really is, should an educated man flare up over his wives ex at her restaurant, even when the wife is absent?
Your husband’s insecurity is on fleek. Please don’t mind him. Let him insult and disgrace the man himself, why is he putting you in a situation like that just so he can feel good as a man.
Well done woman, the issue is to apply wisdom and maturity. If your husband doesn’t want him in shop I think you should follow instruction for peace to rein but in matured way because your husband may be jealous. Just call your ex and give him some excuses and some reasonable reason that can make him too think and stop coming to your place for the 2nd time and if he doesn’t still stop you can now warn him with anger that your husband didn’t like it. Please o real husband scars for outside o. Enjoy your marriage and i wish you all the best .
You can only control your own emotions and reactions to things. If your husband is insecure about only this one person, please tell your ex to stop coming to your shop. If he doesn’t listen, he’s obviously an unreasonable person; make a big deal about it. Your ex should be able to respect your wishes. If it’s more than one person that your hubby takes exception to, then he needs to deal with his problems himself
I came across this and feel I should add a voice. The fact is men has a way of reinfluencing their most especially if there were great moments they’d shared in the past. Your husband knows what he is seeing. If you had disgraced him out the first time and he kept coming. My dear your ex has a plan. No matter how long it takes him, he’s working on a mischief. Just looking for the right time to hit. Remember there may be one of your waitresses on his agenda. Take heed my sister. I’m a man that have seen such happen.
let him do it himself but but let me tell you the truth; the more he quarrels because of this man the more he looses you. meanwhile the man can’t take you from him because the decision is yours to make. also put it in prayers!
Dont be inconsiderate of his insecurities. For that ex to still be coming to your place means he has not forgotten you. Imagine if the tables were turned and your husband’s ex was the one always coming around him. You might not like it. I would advice you to approach him in the company of your mum if possible. Respectfully explain to him why it is no longer appropriate for him to come to your restaurant. Recommend somewhere else. The key here is to show him respect. Pls don’t be rude as it didn’t work before.