The Wife vs The Baby Mama | Can They Ever Get Along? (Part One)

Adesua Iyoyojie

First, let us answer the question, “Who is a baby mama?”.

A baby mama is the layman definition of a single woman that has a child for a man that is either single or married.

So many wives have them to deal with in their respective marriages.

In Africa a baby Mama could be a second wife because polygamy is accepted here, and in order not to let that happen, the wife fights tooth and nail to make a baby mama stay a baby mama. Because of this, they pretend to accept the child or children without their mother coming in and maltreat them to get back at their mother.

Men in such situations wish their baby mama and wife could get along but that would be asking for too much, especially if the baby mama issue was as a result of infidelity. Even if it was not, it is hard getting two women with different intentions to get along.

The issues between wives and baby mamas usually come from the man involved. Some men don’t know how to distinguish who is more important in his life, they don’t know how to handle the situation, they struggle in making the wife and baby mama happy at the same time .

They expect the wife to respect the baby mama and understand she bore his seed too.

They also expect the baby mama to respect his wife and understand he married her.

His expectations are most times cut short.

Competition is bound to exist between a wife and a baby mama, it gets worse and unhealthy if nothing is done about it. The kids might be psychologically affected and hatred might begin to brew between. They are meant to be step siblings but they end up being strangers.

African family system doesn’t protect the wives, the wives are expected to take in their husband’s other children, if she disagrees that might be the beginning of the end for the marriage but that doesn’t mean women shouldn’t put their foot down in making such decisions.

Here are some issues that arise in the relationship between the wife and baby mama:

1. Insecurity

If a baby mama is single chances is that the wife’s insecurity will be high.
Unhealthy Competition might just be the order of the day for them.
The baby mama might use the children as an opportunity to remain close and intimate with the man.
In the year 2015, some pictures of Pero Adeniyi – one of 2face idibia baby mamas – and 2face kissing in the club surfaced. It was actually purposely sent to his wife Annie idibia.
It was later discovered it was an old photo dug up to create chaos .
Some baby mamas stir trouble like that on purpose, it is their own way of marking territory.
All of these make the wife insecured at times even when there is nothing to worry about.

2. Disrespect.

Some baby mamas sometimes see herself as a wife and disrespects the wife at home. She also teaches her children how to be disrespectful .
It is left for the man in the picture to draw the line.
Some men still hang out with their baby mama’s using the kids as excuse.
In such situations if a man is finding it hard to draw a line and put everyone in their various positions, it isn’t bad to set the boundaries as a wife.

3.Attention

Some wives need to know a man has to give his other kids attention.
In this case it is expected he spare time for his kids and also give her that same attention

4. Personality

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The personality of the baby mamas matters too. Some are actually very difficult to deal with.
They see the wives as rivals and do everything to stir trouble.
A man gave his baby mama money to make her hair, she sent a picture of the hair to his wife indicating who paid for it.
Some wives are usually at the mercy of such baby mamas.

5. Taking responsibility

Some men don’t take responsibility of their children, so the baby mama is always around even when she is not wanted.
Sometimes the wives have a hand in men shying away from child support. They do all they can to stop it.
Stopping it doesnt change the fact that they are his children.
In such cases encourage him to be responsible.

6. Consolation

Many wives console themselves with he is my husband, I am the wife. They stay with that consolation.
It is not a must to prove you are the wife by accepting the kids a man had through infidelity.
You can stay or walk away. Your choice.

7. Change in family structure.

Not every woman is from a polygamous home, so forcing polygamy on her by bringing in other children might not go down with her. Some are from polygamous homes and experienced the dark side of it.
She might have a very hard time accepting it.
A family friend had children from outside without telling his wife. When his wife discovered, she left the house with her children .
She said she never wants to get involved with polygamy, she was raised in a polygamous home and doesn’ want same for her children.
It is okay not to accept that kind of change.

Issues on baby mama and wives are so broad that we can’t talk about it all at once. There are usually consequences: regrets, good, bad and ugly side to it. All of these will be highlighted in the part two of this article.

Are you a baby mama to a married man, or a wife dealing with baby mama drama? How are you handling things?