Dear MIMsters: My Mother Wants to Leave Her 30-Year-Old Marriage for This Reason
Happy New Year to y’all. My mother wants to leave her 30 years old marriage for this reason.
I am her first child and I will be turning 28 in October this year. I have 4 siblings. We are 5 children in total.
My mother became my dad’s second wife because my step mom could not bear children after years in marriage. Eight years after my mum came into the picture, my step mum bore her only child 8.
Now, my mum wants to leave because she feels like an outcaste at her church, a “Pentecostal church” This is because they won’t allow her partake in “holy communion service “and other church activities because she is a second wife.
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This same church refused to hold a naming ceremony when our last born was born because mom is a second wife, never mind that we live peacefully.
We all live together in the same house in peace. These women cook together, relate like siblings and most of our neighbors don’t even know they share the same man too.
To the best of my knowledge, I’ve never seen them fight. Sometimes, I marvel at how they are able to hold everything together. With my weak heart, this is something I know that I can’t deal with, but they do.
My stepmum raised me. Back in the village, they call her by my name because people who don’t know about reproduction issues think I am biologically hers. I love that woman.
My mom gave birth to us a married woman and not as a concubine. Her marital rites were paid with traditionally 30 years ago. They were not even born again then. She married young at the age of 18 and became a born again Christian after my birth. I admit dad has not been the best husband to these two women but he has always tried.
Now, mom wants to leave her marriage because she feels guilty, especially by how the church treats and excludes her from their activities.
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She wants to tell dad to stop relating to her as his wife but should still allow her live in the house. But I ask myself, which man will continue to provide or stay under the same roof with a woman he married, have kids with and stops relating with her as her husband?
This means that she has to go back to her father’s house in the village and that’s not the kind of life I want for her. Is the church indirectly telling her to divorce after 28 years of living together as one big family? I can’t deal with this right now. I need mature counsel on what to tell her. How should I go about this? I am confused.
Hmmmmmmmmm serious issue.
Since your mum was married before she got born again, she can still live a fulfilled Christian life without divorcing. And the bible say if she is sanctified then the husband is sanctified too. 1 Corinthians 7:14. She should just pray for your dad and step mum to get born again too
Tell your mum to take time out with God, seek His face for answers, He is the head of the church, God is always in the habit of using messes as messages. He is Love. He wants the best for us. He eternaly loves her. This will turn out for her good. God is the marriage maker. He does not destroy marriages. He is the family man, He does not destroy families. Question. Was Ruth the first wife? Our Lord Jesus Christ came through her lineage…………….
Your mum is dear to God’s heart.
God bless her.
Please, advice your Mom to leave the church instead of her marriage. The church should be able to protect and accommodate her but if they cannot, then she should move on and leave the church not her marriage.
Matured church elders who understand the situation why your father married your mother should be able to handle this issue. Your mother’s marriage is more important than any church please.
Am as confused as you right now, cos in church the only thing they will tell you as a second wife is to do restitution, which involves leaving the man as he rightly belongs to the first woman. So let her seek counsel from elders or something.
My pastor, Pastor Chris oyakhilome, under the wisdom of God has once answered this question during our service. A man who married two wives before he became born again can’t put one away. He has to continue to be a husband and father to those two women, because he was already so before salvation and has been accepted by God. Now, your mum can not put herself away because she was married before she got born again. In the sight of God right now, she is without reproach and as such shouldn’t be judged. Change the church if it is such an issue. Any man functioning with the wisdom of God will know its fine.
It’s one husband and one wife, the first wife is truly the man’s wife. Allow your mum to do her restitution because pleasing God is better than the worldly system.