Dear MIMsters: Is My Brother-in-law Right to Scare Me With His Words After All These?
I need mature advice on this issue bothering me. Is my brother-in-law right to scare me with this words, despite all they have done against hubby.
I’m 24, married to a 34 year-old man and blessed with two kids. My husband is a faithful, loving and caring man. He is also nice to my family and we have built a peaceful and lovely home together for four years now.
My husband has four older siblings, 2 men and 2 women, all married with kids. Hubby is the last born of the family, so they treat him like a child, especially his two sisters. They command him in everything because they are financially blessed while we are just managing.
Hubby is not employed for now and I’m still studying. They shout at him in public and call him names. They say that he doesn’t want to obey them while they keep reminding him of his past mistakes everyday – that he didn’t handle the first money that he made carefully (that was before he met me) and they laugh at him every day.
They treat me like a slave, talk to me like a house help but hubby wouldn’t take that from them, he always stand up to defend me. They don’t include him in any family meetings. This saddens hubby who blames it on his financial situation.
In return, my husband started disrespecting and disregarding his siblings. So now they say that he is stubborn and heartless as he has decided to ignore them totally and to face his life. For years now, he hasn’t spoken with his two older sisters.
Two days ago, hubby’s elder brother who showed more concern for us than their other siblings came to visit us. As he was about to leave, he called me aside to have chat with me.
He said that I am suppose to get closer to my in-laws especially, the sisters. He said that they are the main people in my marriage and that without them I am not fully married. He said that when my kids grow up and start asking for their relatives, how will I face my in-laws if my husband is no more! (But I rejected it immediately).
He added that even if they are treating me badly, I should still go to them, if they reject me, I should go on my knees and to beg, if they hang up the phone on me, I should still call back and keep disturbing them for help, if they call me names I should keep quiet. He said, I should keep begging them to help me and my kids and to ask them to forgive my husband’s bad behaviour. That I should be the one to bring them closer to my husband to help him survive. He said so many things that made me to start feeling guilty.
READ ALSO: Dear MIMsters: How Can I Bring Myself to Trust My Husband Again After This?
He said I will regret it if I am not in good term with my in-laws. Please tell me, is this right? Will this affect me and my kids in future? Can’t I survive without them? Would you encourage me to listen to my BIL? How should I handle this?
Please ignore the rubbish that BIL is saying and pray for God to turn you and your husband’s situation around for the better and see if they won’t come running to you guys rubbish.
Aren’t nonsense
My dear I would I advice you to follow peace with all men most especially your inlaws. Yes they may not be treating you well because of your situation but things won’t be like that forever. Make peace with them not because of what you tend to gain but because of the future. Am married and thank God for giving me wonderful inlaws. I have siblings who are married also married too and they are great people as well. So I know what it means to be at peace with inlaw at the end you will enjoy and gain more. Please poster kindly have a rethink and apologise to them and settle the discord between your hubby and sister.
Nonsense don’t ever call dem to beg n beware of that ur BIL giving u such a stupid advice cus u dnt kw de ones he said at ur back. U n ur man shuld pray n I believe God will provide for u guys sonnest.
Don’t ever listen to that rubbish ur BIL was saying. The only person u shuld call n ask for help is GOD
Ur brother is right by asking u to make peace with them, but it not in ur capacity to go and beg them, all u can do now is to talk to ur husband to atleast, reconcile with them, because they AR familyfamily, but never u or ur husband ever beg them for anything,and yes u can survive without them,
to some extent it is true,we need to behave like fools sometimes to get what we want first. But where will ur help come from in this case? Psalm 121 ”from God Almighty”
They are doing and saying all that because they believe you both can’t survive without them.As a student please learn a skill(s) and support your husband(it has to be something you are passionate about).If your husband is out of job for now,teaching job will fetch the family a monthly income.Live within your means.When they(your inlaws)see your family can do without them,they will learn to respect your husband.
I will advice u 2 make peace with dem then fellow dem with wisdom, u n ur hubby shuld be focus on 2 to make it in life, life, don’t really like 2 much closeness with Inlaw’s cos no matter what u do, u can never please dem, dem, ursef n call dem once in awhile.
I think u shud listen to him not only for them to help u but u also need to make dat peace between ur hubby and d family.do wateva it takes to make d peace while u are @ prayer for God to change ur situation
Abeg forget dem, they ar not God. Just pray very well, they will come begging u. Anytin evik will happen to yr husby IJN
If its to call to plead for ur husband misdeed i agree to an extent its normal,but to beg for arlms especially when they know u are down financially and need help thats a No from me,keep in touch with them once in a while on phone when asked how u are faring tel them God is in control.if u have a skill start using it to assist the home,if ur schooling is parttime get a teaching job or any other job
They are very wicked people who doesn’t know tomorrow. Pray to God to favour your husband and they will be the one to worship him
My own is live in peace with them but NEVER beg anybody rather your husband should try and start up something.
Rubbish what nonsense. .please don’t ever call them.. stay in your house, learn a skill and pray for your hubby let God favour him.
If your bil want to settle d issue he should talk to his sister to stop mistreating their brother because they are d problem not your husband. Your bil should v tell things things to ur husband not u.
Hmmmm…..but there is a saying that a wife is married to the family of the husband rather dn the husband, so pls make peace with them
For the sake of peace, listen to your BIL and bring your hubby and his sisters together and end the quarrel between them. Your help comes from God and not man, always pray for divine transformation in your family n God will surprise you. Goodluck
Stupid talk, nobody is anyone’s God. You guys should struggle and be able to stand on your own and stand out. To hell with anyone that’s playing God cos your destiny isn’t in their hands.
make peace with them not because you need their assistance but for the sake of humanity. keep praying and working hard to prove to
them that you can survive without them.
Your brother in law is saying total crap. No human is indispensable. Even if you try to be their friend, they might not still be there for you when you need them,
Hmmm.I just spent time reading everyone’s comment & wonder how some people could be so lame in thinking & giving advice,I also wonder how they behave in their houses & I know so of them wouldn’t do what they advice you to do…Poster those that told you to make peace thump up to them,there’s nothing like peace in a home,God doesn’t come down from Heaven to bless you,he make people to bless you am not saying u should make peace with them so u can ran to them for anything,my boss usually told me that when u keep malice with a person u have belittle yourself,you have put yourself to their level,but when you talk to them they will be ashamed of themselves…your BIL is a good man,he came to visit you people out of his own will,I guess he must have been told not to visit but he visited & what he said was right,plead with them for your husband sake,we can never predict tomorrow,if something should happen to your husband,I tell you this people won’t be here…maybe God placed you in that family for a reason like this….I had a similar story like this,when my dad was very rich,he helped his sibling but when things wasn’t the way it was again they all turned around,from one problem to another,for many years they never talk to each other especially his elder sister nor visit us but my mom went to their house one after the other knee down & pleaded on behalf of my dad,she nevr let them rest until they made peace & even brought a man of God who did liberation in the family compound and since then everybody live in peace & my mum became the most respected woman married in that compound that is a virtues woman for you
Hmmmm, nawaao. Having read all these I v this to add. People’s family are different. You can’t please everybody in this world no matter how good you are. I agree you should try and make peace with them all but not to the extent of kneeling down, asking for financial help, being abused and all that shit just to make peace. Their is sth called self esteem or dignity which every sensible human possess. Your progress is not tied to anybody and so you should try and do sth for yourself, to support your husband. If you were richer than all of them would they still treat you that way? They would even be dancing around you. My dear, do not turn your family into shit all in the name of respecting in-laws. When once you start acting like a maid, they will expect you to keep on doing this even when it’s uncalled for. The same way they are treating you guys because they are older n richer than you both is the same way their children will treat yours (u never can tell what such in-laws have been drumming into their children’s heads) . Please be wise and very careful.
P. S if you are struggling and nothing seems to be working then go for deliverance, it’s not normal.
Just try all you can to make peace. But not for any financial assistance cos they will think you only came to beg them cos of your financial needs and they might decide to mock you again, just try your best so that your BIL wil know you have done your own part
i totally agree wt jelly on this
I wish you all the best in your studies and hope you find gainful employment soon after completion. I also hope you can use your skills to earn an income for yourself and family’s sake.Yes, you should make peace with those sisters in law. But I doubt if you can force things. If I were you, I would listen to BIL, call his relatives twice and if they don’t reciprocate my calls, I would call it quits. At least I would have tried so instead of always buying airtime to greet them, I would use that oney to either buy food for my struggling family or call people who care for me. At least, God knows I made efforts. Always begging and kneeling for another human being…. No! I also crave for that so why should it always me playing that? No man is an island. One day, they will need you. Shalom.
They are not God they dont determine your furtue and that of your kids.
Make peace with them but make them understand their limits
Make peace with y in law 4 y joy 2 be ful in christ
nice one @kelechi owen.please my dear sis,ur BIL is vry rite.kip pride aside and make peace with ur inlaw’s.dnt listen to dose pple advising u to ignore ur inlaw’s.
Pls let us not judge only on our sisters report, because in many families there are issues like these.
Please we cannot love the guy more than the siblings most especially when he is the last born, there is no how the sisters will hate their last born for nothing. Please I know that no woman wants the husband to be insulted but please ask your husband to make peace with the siblings.