Dear MIMsters: My Husband Is Putting Our Son In-between Our Marriage

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My husband is putting our son in-between our marriage.

I got married to my husband 8-years ago. Prior to my meeting him, he had been in two failed marriages. I learnt that the first one was hard on him because that was his first love. They were both in their mid 20s when they got married but the marriage ended after 10 years due to infertility issues. The woman had walked out of the marriage following insistence from her family members because the problem was detected medically to be from the man of the house.

The second time around, my husband’s family members got him a woman from his home town and also commenced traditional methods of treatment for him but that also sadly lasted for 6 years before she walked out of the marriage, too.

This second time was harder for him to bear because he lost her to his next door neighbour who had 2 wives. She had become the man’s 3rd wife and a year after, she had a set of twins with her new husband. My husband was so devastated that he tried to take his own life but for timely intervention.

When he recovered, he stopped all forms of treatment; both orthodox and traditional and he swore off women.

After some time, his business boomed and he made lots of money. He then started sleeping with different women. He said he was hoping that maybe, he would ‘mistakenly’ impregnate one of the several women but rather than pregnancy, he got STD. That was when he came to the hospital where I worked for treatment when we met. I was the nurse that attended to him along with my boss, the doctor that was on duty that day.

One thing had led to another, and we became man & wife.

He told me about his past, but I was not scared and I told him so. I am a christian and I know that there is nothing my God cannot do. As God would have it, a year into our marriage, I had a set of twin boys but we lost one. His family members doubted that the boys were for him so they opted for DNA. Prior to when I put to bed, my husband kept asking me if I was truly pregnant with his child, and since I knew I didn’t sleep with any other man, I assured him that he was the one responsible for my pregnancy.

Anyways, his family members- led by his cousin took me for DNA and when the result came out positive, our life continued.

As at the time I put to bed, following the loss of one of the boys, my husband became depressed. He couldn’t reckon with the loss. He cried for many days and our marriage shook but we survived.

As our son grew, my husband became distant from me. All he is ever concerned about is my son. When he goes out, he rushes back home to see him. If he has a fever, my husband develops fever, too. His first day of school, you won’t believe that my husband had to be sent away from the school because he refused to move an inch even after Mayowa was settled in his new class.

Mayowa is 7 years old now, and to get my husband to do anything for me, I have to go through my son. When my husband comes home from work, he would sit with Mayowa, telling him how his day went and asking the boy to share same with him.

I am trusting God for another child because I haven’t been able to get pregnant again since I had Mayowa. As a matter of fact, we rarely sleep alone in our room. If I insist that Mayowa goes to his room, my husband will follow him to sleep in his bed. He says he had him at an old age and he cannot afford any evil befalling him.

Once, before he got back from work, I took Mayowa to my husband’s brother’s house to spend the weekend with his cousins without my husband’s permission. Immediately he returned from work, and found out that Mayowa was gone, he almost beat me up, and just like that, he picked a few shirts, and went to spend the weekend at his brother’s too.

I cannot begin to tell you all I go through in this man’s hands. Is it safe to say I am competing with my own son for my husband’s affection?

I am in my 30s, while my husband is approaching 60. Mayowa is 7 years old. What can I do?