Dear MIMSters: How My Mother Allows ‘My Father’ To Trample Upon Her Dignity

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My mother allows my father to trample upon her dignity. I have been burdened about this issue for some time now, and after sharing it with a friend, she told me about a page where I can tell my story unedited, get good counsel, not be ashamed about it and yet, remain anonymous through it all. And that gives me so much relief!

To be certain about her claim, I checked the page out and am I glad to see you are all and more than she said. Thank you, Motherhood Instyle for giving people like me a platform.

I am 21-years old and up until the beginning of February 2019; my paternity was in doubt. Before I tell you my story unedited, I know your page serves people much older than I am; people old enough to be my parents and grandparents so I would like to ask a question that has baffled me in these past 2-months: “Is marriage a must for you adults? Does it add to you or reduce you? Is there a trophy you get for being married or staying married, especially if the man you are married to, is a nitwit like my father?!”

I was about 10-years old when my parents started to have these ceaseless arguments. They were based on if I was truly my father’s child or not. You see, my parents who were legally married, are both dark in complexion while my younger brother and I are almost albinos. And trust family and friends, they would always stylishly accused my mother by telling my father, “Na where your wife see oyinbo pikins.”

Try as much as mom did to assure her husband that he was our father, and that she never had any sexual relationship with any other man, he did not believe her. I was 13-years old when my brother and I returned home from school and met our mom crying. She told us our father had left her saying she had ridiculed him by bringing bastard children to him. Apart from our dissimilarity in complexion, my brother and I are exact photocopy of this man o. Rather than for him to team up with his wife and fight for her dignity, he exposed her, ridiculed her, abandoned her and chose the bosom of another woman; a woman who lived just three streets away from us.

Do you know how God vindicates His own?!

Rita, the woman he went away with TTC for 7-years but he stayed by her while abandoning my mother who kept praying and believing God to restore her marriage. That part infuriates me to no end. What marriage!

In 2018, Rita conceived and gave birth to baby girl who turned out fairer than us; she was actually an albino.

This man, who has abandoned us for 7 good years, came back and my mother willingly accepted him. She went as far as to give a testimony in church that God has saved her husband from the grip of a strange woman. It is not as if the man has left Rita for her o, it is not as if he has come back to apologize o, but she still thinks God has wrought a miracle in her life by bringing her husband back to her.

To add insult to the injury, he requested for DNA and she obliged. Straight we were marched to a government hospital where his friend works, samples were taken, and we were told to go home. That was in November, 2018.

First week in February, he returned and said the result showed he is our father.

At that point, I expected my mother to give him a hot slap and send him packing but what did she do? She knelt down in his presence and said she was giving God thanks for total restoration.

Now, he shuttles between her and Rita, and she allows him. My brother is also gradually warming up to him just to please mom, but I do not care. I just cannot stand him. I mean, why would my mother allow this man trample on her dignity in this manner?