Dear MIMsters: Should I Proceed For The Sake Of My Daughter Or Not?
I’m at a crossroad. I don’t know if I should proceed for the sake of my daughter or not.
I’m a graduate in my early twenties. I met this guy in church during my undergraduate days. We were friends and eventually we discovered we were in love, so I thought because I’m not sure anymore. To cut the long story short, we started a relationship.
Along the way, I got pregnant and he asked me to get rid of it. I refused and that was the beginning of my struggles with him.
My family requested to see him to know his plans for the baby and I but he said he does not have any plan as everything is in God’s hands. His behavior changed immediately. I refused to abort the baby but kept on hoping that things would change and he would come around.
During that period I noticed he got close to a particular girl. He leaves his house key with her to cook his meals but when I confronted him about it, he said they are just friends. I allowed the matter to rest even though I wasn’t satisfied with the answers he gave me.
Well the baby came and I resumed school. Luckily, my mum is a nurse, so I left her with my mum who took care of her well. I tried as much as possible to go home every two weeks to check on her but my baby daddy has never gone to check on her claiming he does not have money. His parents send money sometimes for the baby’s upkeep but what I need is not the money. I need the affection and attention, unfortunately none was forthcoming.
Many times I’ve wanted to break up with him but I want my daughter to grow up in a stable home. I know what it feels like to grow up without a father because my dad is late.
Last year, his parents told me their son cannot marry a woman from my state and when I asked him why he didn’t tell me about it earlier, he said he didn’t know how to tell me. I felt bad because I never hid my state of origin from him. As if that was not enough, the so called female friend that has been coming to cook for him started threatening me to leave her man alone.
I confronted him about it and it led to an argument. He stopped talking to me and walked me out of his house when I tried to make peace with him.
Well, after a month we settled the issue and we were cool until recently when this woman called me and said I should stop wasting my time dating her man. She even sent me messages just to make her point.
I told him about it but he didn’t deny or confirm the accusation, instead he blamed me for it. He said I provoked the girl.
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Now I’m tired of the whole thing. I want to quit the relationship but I’m scared because he might want to take my daughter away from me and I don’t want my daughter to have the same childhood I had ( not having a father figure in her life).
Dear, I beg you face reality. This man doesn’t love you neither his family. You are the one pushing yourself to him. If you don’t want your daughter to grow up without a father figure but have you considered that growing up without a father might be better than growing up with an abusive one who can cut one’s life short. You can still marry a good man that will be a good husband to you and father to your daughter. A broken relationship is far better than a broken marriage. Don’t trade your happiness to an unworthy man. God will guide you.
I definitely agree. I believe it’s time to move on because being a father is more than being sperm donor of the child. Let him go; because he does not love you and will not be the best example for your daughter on who a man really is and how a man should treat a woman. Fight for your daughter, look to your future, ask God to help you to move on and be the best mother for this child. Pray for a man who will accept your situation, love you and one you can respect. And in your time of waiting become the woman who can be the companion and partner of the man you pray for. I hope this helps❤️.