Dear MIMsters: Every Opportunity Is Not Necessarily A Blessing

There’s a saying that goes, “every opportunity is a blessing.” Based on my personal story which I’m about to share, I would say, not necessarily.

Was living in hardship and struggling to get an admission into the University to study medicine when a former classmate of mine who had migrated to the US asked for my hand in marriage through his mum. Just like that, I was to become a Mrs O.

Even though I didn’t like this guy at all in school when he was my classmate, the prospect of leaving the shores of this country for the first time to relocate to the US did not only excite me, it gave me hope of a better life. I had younger ones to fend for being the first of five children.

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So, we started the tedious process of processing my papers.

What I didn’t pause for a moment to ask myself was, why me? Seeing that we were not even friends in school. Also, of all the pretty hot girls that are resident in the United States, why did this guy choose me? We aren’t even from the same tribe. He is Yoruba while I’m Ibo, and you do know how tribalistic we are in this country.

We tried different tricks of securing a Visa for me but every single attempt failed. This went on for about four years. Throughout these four years, Mr B. didn’t visit home for a single day. His mum was the only one who could come and go. We weren’t always communicating because we didn’t have technology then as we do no know. No access to mobile phones nor emails. This was over 20 years ago.

To cut the story short, throughout these four years, I put up with his family’s excesses just because I wanted to travel to the US. It was a lot but I played the fool. Alas, it didn’t work out and I was frustrated and shattered. No admission, no stable means of income.

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Fast forward to today, I am an American citizen and married to another American and I have been living in the US for more than 10 years. I came to the US through my husband, not Mr. B. Having lived here for this long, I now understand why Mr B and his family came for me. You see, Mr B was a very fat man, obese actually, who was dealing with some health issues and had low self esteem. He and his family knew what a young girl coming from Africa would give to relocate to the United states and they wanted a smart and decent girl from a decent home who could earn a living, pay some bills and at the same time, look after Mr. B. Basically, they wanted someone they could control. It was not about love. This is the mistake that so many girls make. When they hear, ‘America’, they throw all caution to the wind and jump. It is when they get here that their eyes will clear. After, they guys will say that you are not submissive.

Don’t be fooled. Life here is tough, especially if you are illegal. If you are legal, you will still need to work very hard to pay your bills. Nothing here is free and you can’t get away with things as you can do back home.