20 Non-negotiable Issues Couples Must Discuss Before Getting Married, According To A Woman
Marriage is a huge commitment that shouldn’t be entered into lightly, and one woman has developed a checklist for couples before they say I do.
Twitter user @cxkenobxkerry shared her list of 20 things that every couple should discuss before they walk down the aisle. While she has not been married herself, the woman says that she was previously engaged so “knows what she’s talking about.”
From how many kids you want to dealing with finances, here are the 20 issues Saag Jaan recommends that you should confront your partner about before getting married…
1. Talk about debt
2. Fully and willingly committing to one another : The woman said there shouldn’t be “what ifs” and “it’s not the right time”, you’re either in or you’re out.
3. When/how many kids you both want – Adoption? Are one of you infertile?
4. STDs: She added: “Get checked. Seek medical help/informed professional knowledge. Keep those tests up to date and find ways to do so even within the marriage.”
5. Talk about your 5-10 year timeline regarding career/education: The woman said: “Can you move? Willingness to relocate? Etc.”
6. Religion: The Twitter user said it’s important to be open to growth, adding: “Do you share fundamental CORE beliefs about life? Very important.”
7. Anger management issues: She noted: “Do one of you struggle? Are you in therapy for it/taking it out on others? Seek help, because it will destruct you and the future and the children…”
8. Energy: The woman insists you should follow your gut and ask each other “does it match?”
9. Clothing: While it may seem like a small problem, the woman says “it eventually adds up,” noting: “Make sure your expectations MATCH one another to full comfort.”
10. Sexual compatibility: She added: “Not going into details, but y’all need to be on the same playing field. Consent wise, willingness to try things, traumas, etc… figure it out.”
11. Finances: The woman said it’s important to discuss how you intend on splitting the bills, gender roles and taking the parents in during old age.
12. Age doesn’t matter too much: She explained: “In my experience it’s about the person and what their world views are. If you are young, make sure the person you’re with will allow you to keep growing at your own pace and in your own way. It’s called respect.”
13. Boundaries when it comes to the opposite sex: The woman says to ask each other what’s not okay, like hugs, handshakes, etc.
14. Social media: She explained: “Believe it or not, people WILL break up over this. Some prefer privacy. Some not. Get on the same page or you’ll be clowning on one another.”
15. Savings: Under this point, the woman said: “How much do y’all have earned and combined? How much are your intended salaries? Is it sustainable? Apartment? House? Condo? Speak futuristically if it’s not something you can afford right now. Get on the same page.”
16. What is cheating? Have this conversation to outline what you both consider as infidelity.
17. Physical and verbal abuse: She said: “What is and isn’t considered abusive language and decorum? Seek help, please. Professionals can always step in.”
18. What are your dying wishes? The woman added: “Burial proceedings? What if one of you becomes paralysed? God parents? Uncertain events? Death? Speak it. Speak on all of it.”
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19. LOVE is not what keeps the relationship going: While it’s important to love, the woman noted it’s important to get out the princess-king happily ever after mindset.
20. Education doesn’t matter: The woman’s final point is to discuss education because “none of this matters in the long run”.
She continued: “Trust. You aren’t a good person based off superficial attributes.”
Her thread has since had more than 220,000 likes from her followers, many of them married who agreed they wished they had spoken about the same issues before marrying.
Responding one wrote:
“All engaged people should go through this so they can count the true cost of marriage before they get married, most dealbreakers agreed before minimising shocks.”
One said: “Underrated thread.”
Another added: “All engaged people should go through this so they can count the true cost of marriage before they get married. Most deal breakers agreed before minimising shocks.”
ALSO READ: 15 Women Share The One Red Flag They Wish They Hadn’t Ignored At The Start Of Their Relationship
Another agreed: “I seriously love this. You mentioned so many points that are beneficial to a relationship that so many people miss going over before getting married.”
https://twitter.com/cxkenobxkerry/status/1286583684884127745