Dear MIMsters: How Do You Handle A Very Abusive Mother Like Mine?

My mom has always been very abusive. She abuses me physically, emotionally, and verbally, she even compares me with my sister, making everyone feel she is better than me.

My dad has always been supportive of me. He corrects and always shows me love.

My mum’s treatment of me affected me greatly but by God’s grace, I am still here. She is someone I can’t talk to, if I do, I’ll become her enemy. She fights with everyone.

As kids, if she had a problem with anyone, she would ask us to insult and not greet that person, which we did out of ignorance and she has no regard for my dad. She insults him privately and publicly because of his financial problems.

When I was about to get married, before my introduction, she sent a text to my husband telling him that I am her enemy and she will not have anything to do with me. This is a woman I try to please and do everything she asks me to.

My husband’s response to her text was, “everything will work out by God’s grace,” and she took offense with him. My husband had to apologize to her. She also demanded an apology from me and I did apologise.

During our wedding, she said a lot of hurtful things to me. She told me that even if I give birth to a goat, no one should call her and she doesn’t want to have anything to do with me. She told my in-laws that I am not a good person and also told my husband negative things about me and said that my in-laws think that I have been pretending to them all these while.

I still got married. My mother even refused to come out to bless me when I was leaving for my husband’s house, only my dad and others did because he has always appreciated me and my efforts towards the family.

When I gave birth to my first baby, my husband called my dad to give him the news. My dad told everyone including my mom who took offense for not calling her directly. Because of that she never congratulated us and I ignored her and minded my business.

My mum reported us to so many people including a pastor who after hearing our side of the story, told us to live our lives in peace, which we have tried to do.

To cut the story short, when I gave birth to my second child, my dad came to visit me. He then told my husband and I to let go and forgive my mum and we listened, but anytime my husband calls her, she won’t pick nor return his call. When he goes to their house, she won’t come out to meet him or when his family visits, she doesn’t welcome them.

I started communicating with her and she would return my call when she feels like but always ignored my husband’s calls.

One time, she came to my state for a visit but she didn’t come to my house. My siblings told me. When she wanted to visit again, she called me to say that she wants to come to my place. At first, I said OK but I later texted her saying that she can’t come due to the issue that she has with my husband.

She responded with a very insulting text to me and exonerated herself. She said she will go and show my text to the pastor and her village people. I know I may be wrong for not allowing her to come to my home but my husband’s interests also matter.

Ever since we got married, she has been sending insulting texts to him. He may hide his feelings like it doesn’t bother him but I know him.

After my refusal to allow her to come to visit, family members are blaming me for what I did. My husband and I have been receiving so many insults and I am really tired of this. I need to live and be happy. Please, advise me!