The Biangtens Share Core Ingredients That Have Been Sustaining Their Marriage For 37 Years, Counsel Couples Going Through Marital Challenges
Alexander Biangten and his wife, Ruth Biangten, retired permanent secretaries from the Plateau State Government, have been happily married for 37 years.
In a recent interview with DailySun, the couple who are blessed with six children, talked about how knowing God and looking up to Him in all situations have sustained their union for almost four decades.
They also offered useful pieces of advice to intending couples and newly married ones.
Please give us some insight into how you met each other before you got married
Mr. Alexander: By God’s divine providence, there was a friend who had gone to be with the Lord now, who saw my zeal in Christ and was opportune to have known my wife somewhere. He knew we would be compatible if we got along because she was also a Christian and desired someone that knew Christ. That was the linkage.
The first day I saw her during a church crusade in Miango, I fell in love with her. I liked her physical appearance beside the fear of God. That was how we met before marriage.
Madam Ruth: What he has said is actually true. As an upcoming young girl serving the Lord with a zeal, I wanted somebody that knows Christ, somebody that would encourage me in the Lord and that was actually my desire. The friend he talks about was a fiancé to my friend.
We went to Girls High School Gindiri together. We both lived in Gada-biu and my parents knew her very well. Her fiancé used to visit her, and that was how he came to know about me and my house. He already knew me and he told my husband that there was this sister that he would be compatible with.
We met at a crusade organised by World Impact Seed Partners, also known as Prevailing Faith Ministries headed by Rev. Maiwazi Dandaura and that was where I first met him.
When you first saw him, what came into your mind?
Madam Ruth: I was praying for the will of God in marriage. But I was not desperate about it. I had my own desire of meeting a man that would help me serve God and know Him better. The Lord said that if I saw His will I would know. When I saw him, I had peace and I liked him. He was a handsome gentleman; everything about him was just captivating and perfect.
When your friend introduced you to her at the crusade ground, what came into your mind?
Mr. Alexander: The first thing I considered was the godliness in her, her knowledge and confession of Christ. Also, her physical appearance was quite appealing to me. I felt joyful about it. When I discussed it with her, she was soft and gentle.
How did you propose to her? What did you tell her exactly?
Mr. Alexander: I told her that I loved her from the bottom of my heart and that I would want her, by the grace of God, to join faith with me and work together for the rest of our lives, serving God and doing what would please Him.
What was your response?
Madam Ruth: We did not really talk much until his friend arranged for another meeting where we spoke one-on-one. One thing I liked about him was that he was point-blank. He told me who he was, his background and how he accepted Jesus Christ as his personal Lord and Saviour. That was the first thing I needed to establish: whether he has a relationship with God or not. He opened up at the first meeting. I was happy and joyful.
Mr Alexander: We spent some time in our premarital relationship before we decided that we should get married. I was quite mature but she was much younger. But we got married on December 14, 1985.
You are from two different ethnic groups, although from the same state. Was there any opposition to your marriage from your families?
Madam Ruth: We met in 1983. We had a courtship for more than two years. I desired to finish my school, NYSC, and work for at least one year to get some money before getting married. But he was already working and wanted us to just get married. But I said no, how would I get pregnant in school and how would I cope with it? But at a point, I read one verse from the Bible that says love does not insist on its own way. Then I accepted and we got married.
What level were you in the university?
Madam Ruth: I was in the 200 level at ABU, Zaria. To your question proper as to whether there was opposition on the basis of tribe, let me say that once you are a child of God, your culture becomes secondary. You would now be guided by the Holy Bible and not your cultural background anymore. I grew up from a strict background. We were not allowed to go out. How can you have a boyfriend with the kind of father that I had? He would kill you.
It was such that if my brothers came in with friends, you had to do something to show that you didn’t know them from anywhere. My father was a man of few words but very strict. He was a unifier.
He was somebody that loved his Berom tribe, that loved his clan. He used to organise meetings of Lo-Gangwan clan in our house. He desired that his children should marry from Berom tribe and he didn’t hide it. That was the bone of contention initially. I knew that as a child of God, I should not be bounded by tribe.
We entered into fasting and prayers concerning the issue. I was determined to go anywhere God wanted me to go. I told my mother what we were doing. The first time he came to visit me at home, it was tough. They noticed a strange car parked outside. Then my father had passed on. But my uncle was following in his footsteps. They saw the car and were confused. My uncle was just walking up and down, asking questions.
Then my husband said he would like to present himself to my family for marriage. When he made his intention known, my uncle asked me whether I knew about my father’s desires concerning marriage. I said yes. Then my mother came in and said that I had lived a straight life and had never brought anybody for marriage.
So my prayers smoothened the way for me. My mother stood by me. She added that she believed if my father were alive he would have accepted what was going on and she had nothing against the relationship.
Was there any resistance on your part?
Mr Alexander: Anyway, my father had passed on and my mother was alive. But they had nothing much to say with regards to who I married. So nobody stood in the way to say I should not marry her. Nobody.
I believed you had many ladies around when you were trying to get married. What moved you to choose her above them?
Mr Alexander: The faith she confessed. I believed that in the level of purity she possesses. Those were some of the attributes that I saw in her.
Is there anything special that attracted him to you?
Madam Ruth: He loved God. That was the first thing I considered. He was a very handsome young man and he is still handsome.
When you got married, what was the unusual thing that you noticed that you considered very offensive?
Mr Alexander: Honestly, I did not have any regret marrying her. I think we have been comfortable with each other since then.
Did you notice anything abnormal in him?
Madam Ruth: I was born and brought up in COCIN church, a different denomination from where he was coming from. That would have been the opposition. But my mother supported me because of the kind of life I was living.
However, in the background I was coming from, Pentecostalism was not common as now. Anybody he met with, he would want to know their stand in the Lord. Initially, I found that very embarrassing. But I later realised that it was an act of preaching the word of God.
How would you advise a young lady who is in courtship today?
Madam Ruth: Ours was not like you find many courtships today. You find a lady in courtship and she is already living with the man. That is not of God. I advise that they should seek to know the Lord and be born again. They should anchor their relationship and friendship on the Word of God. You should not have sex before marriage. Then be God-fearing; you may be seen acting abnormal. But at the end of the day, you will be celebrated.
As we speak, there are couples who want to divorce. How would you want to advise them?
Mr Alexander: Divorce is ungodly. God is against divorce. Divorce occurs as a result of ignorance. So couples must have faith in God and tolerate each other. They should keep on believing in God and they would see God’s intervention in their relationship.
How would you advise young women who are at the point of packing out of their marital homes?
Madam Ruth: The Bible says God hates divorce. But the truth is that there are problems that we must work together to overcome. Before I got married, people were telling me that marriage is about patience. But until you come in you would understand.
In marriage, there has to be tolerance. There has to be patience from both couples. Problems are bound to come. But proper teaching must be done before marriage. Marriage should be ‘for better, for worse.’ The marriage certificate may be given. But the truth is, you cannot graduate. The graduation date is death.
So, problems are bound to come and when you encounter one, you should pray and resolve it. But if the problem would lead to continuous violence that causes loss of life, people recommend separation for some time to resolve the problem, not divorce.