Veteran Singer, Stanley Okorie Takes The Blame As He Shares Candid Reflections Behind The Failures Of His First Two Marriages, Personal Growth And More
Stanley Okorie, a prolific Nollywood soundtrack artist has disclosed the reasons behind the failures of his first two marriages.
In this candid interview, the artist, renowned for his hit soundtracks such as ‘Billionaire’, ‘Happy Mumu’, and ‘Karishika’, along with the thousands of songs he has composed for Nollywood soundtracks over the years, shares with media personality, Chude Jideonwo, his two failed marriages, the tragic loss of his second wife and child to death, and acknowledging his own shortcomings.
According to Okorie, he thought providing for his family financially was enough but he was wrong. He attributed his first divorce to his insensitivity, admitting that his focus on his music career led him to neglect his wife’s needs.
He mentioned that he was a very hardworking husband who made sure his family never lacked anything money can buy but while he was doing this, he neglected the most important thing that matters -his presence.
He stated that his first wife divorced him because of his constant absence from home. He also admitted to being a ‘very insensitive’ husband, adding that he was not a caring husband.
Okorie also revealed that his first wife found his songs “stupid” and ultimately left him.
He recalled:
“My first divorce was the most painful. You know, the first cut is always the deepest. I have my own share of blame.
Most people, when they talk about their problems in a marriage or a relationship, are quick to highlight the other person’s faults.
I’m not saying I was entirely at fault, but I was a very insensitive husband. I blame myself for that one.
I wasn’t a caring husband. Sometimes, if my wife did her hair, I’d say, ‘I’m going to the studio, come ooo.’ No, that’s not nice. I wouldn’t remember her birthday because there was a time I was doing all the job [Nollywood soundtracks], and people would call me from London, pay for my ticket, and I would go and do the music.
I thought providing for the family was enough. But sometimes, the first rule of love is presence. You can give all the money, but the first rule of love is presence.
My first wife wasn’t after money. Sometimes, when I gave her money, I’d return to find the money on the table. I was very busy with music, going from studio to studio. So when I look back, I see that’s the cost. Everything comes at a cost. Economists call it opportunity cost.
In my first marriage, I was very, very insensitive. If I had been more mature—of course, I married very young—I wondered why she wasn’t seeing all the work I was doing. I failed on that score.
“The first day she looked at me and said, ‘I can’t take this anymore,’ I knew she was telling the truth, so I didn’t want to argue. Instead of going to beg her, I was singing stupid songs to console myself.”
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Regarding his second marriage, Okorie who didn’t reveal the cause of their divorce, said he faced tragedy with the loss of his wife and son.
According to him, he turned to music as an escape from his grief but later realised that confronting his problems directly was necessary for true healing. He continued:
After that, I went through a second divorce. At some point, my wife died. My son died. Some of the songs I sing were my escape from my sad reality, and they helped me deal with it to some level.
But I tell you, there’s no method of dealing with a problem better than confronting the problem. So music wasn’t fair to me on that score.
I was using it as an escape instead of confronting my problems. Some things that delight you today will, at some point, hurt. So that’s how it’s been a blessing and a curse. But I’m happy now where I am. I’m happily married with kids, doing well, and still recording music.”
Okorie also highlighted the importance of balance in life and relationships.