‘I Took Care Of Many Kids, Yet I Had No Child To Celebrate My 60th Birthday’ – Dupe Jayesimi Shares Her Emotional Struggles With Childlessness, Failed Marriage, Alcoholism
Veteran Nollywood actress, Dupe Jayesimi, has opened up about her pain of being childless at the age of 60 and her failed marriage.
In an emotional interview with actress Biola Bayo for her ‘Talk to B’ podcast, Jayesimi shared her not- so-good experience of living without a child and how it has impacted her life.
Speaking about her marital journey, the popular Yoruba actress, who got married on October 22, 1988, revealed that she was pregnant at the time of her wedding but lost the pregnancy weeks later.
The 61-year-old talented actress mentioned that several attempts to bear a child failed and this led to serious trouble in her marriage.
The film star disclosed that her estranged husband’s absence during critical moments further complicated their efforts to conceive, ultimately leading to the collapse of their marriage.
The actress revealed that when her marriage collapsed, her ex husband didn’t waste time to move on and brought in his pregnant girlfriend to their matrimonial home just two weeks after their separation, leaving her depressed and turning to alcohol for solace.
She recalled:
“I got married on October 22, 1988. I had been practicing theatre, and the person I married knew about it at the time and was not upset. However, his job required him to be available for two weeks and then unavailable for the next two weeks.
In our marriage, we did not have a child, although I entered the marriage pregnant. I lost the pregnancy weeks into the wedding. Since then, we have done a lot of tests.
At one point, I was told they would perform a procedure where they would open me up, and if my husband had intercourse with me, I would become pregnant. We went ahead with the procedure, but my husband did not show up until three months later.
When he returned, I became angry. He asked why I was angry and said I should have moved out if I was tired of the marriage. By then, we were already five years into the marriage. There were rumors that my life was in danger, so I had to leave.
Two weeks after I left the marriage, he brought in another woman who was pregnant. The situation left me so depressed that I started drinking alcohol at the time.”
Jayesimi further disclosed that when she was around 40 years old, she got pregnant but the doctors found out the baby was at the back of her womb, and this made her broken. She admitted that she questioned God. She stated:
“I questioned God, “I shouldn’t lie after so many years. I was 40 years old when it happened.”
The veteran mentioned that she later met an older man and had an affair with him. She stated that they tried doing IVF twice but both procedures did not fall through. She mentioned that she had considered adoption but her mother vehemently opposed it.
She continued:
“I had initially decided that I would not get married again until I met an Alhaji who was like a father to me. I wished I had met him before my failed marriage. We tried IVF twice, but it did not work.
When I was about 40, I got pregnant but did not know it at the time. I used to feel pain in my abdomen and went to the hospital for tests and scans. I was told I was pregnant, but it was an ectopic pregnancy. After the procedure, I have not been able to get pregnant since.
I left the marriage with the Alhaji when his first wife started having issues with him. I considered adoption, but my mother said she would kill any child I adopted. I left Alhaji about 15 years ago.
Since then, I have not had a child. I am not someone who broods over issues, and I would never consider suicide. I know God’s time will come for me.”
Jayesimi said despite being childless, she helped raise many children, who unfortunately turned their backs on her.
She said her younger sister’s daughter was well taken care of by her but when it was time for her niece to get married, the mother (her younger sister) asked her not to sit at a particular place.
She said her sister said she didn’t care what she had done for her daughter as the actress is just her aunt and not her mother.
Jayesimi said she remains hopeful and resilient, expressing gratitude for her career and the children she has raised. She said:
“When I think about the things I have done—the children I have raised, hoping they would take care of me, but they did not—I am grateful that God blessed me with this job.
So, I do not dwell on these things, and I will not. The only thing I want now is to have a child I can take everywhere, one that people will associate with my name. If I had been away from my parents for long, I would have adopted a child.”
She continued:
“So many children that I have taken good care of don’t even look back to check on me. Is it my younger sister’s kid, or name them?
For now, I have no other job than theatre, and it isn’t paying like before. May God not let me suffer in old age. It has been seven years since I worked last.”
She stated that she doesn’t know how it feels to be celebrated by one’s own child as she hasn’t seen anyone celebrate her, but before, as long as she is alive, there is hope.
“I know how it is to be celebrated by your own kids. I haven’t seen anyone to celebrate me before. I believe that no one will ever die and get dropped on the roadside. And they say it’s because she didn’t give birth. If there’s still life there’s always hope.”
Jayesimi isn’t the only celebrity who has battled with inability to have a child.
Actress, Dayo Amusa opened up on her journey to motherhood. She recounted how she broke down in tears in front of her domestic workers as she cried to her Maker, giving him an ultimatum to either take her life or fulfil his promise for her as she noted how she had undergone several medical checkups and surgeries.
Yoruba actress, Tawa Ajisefinni, who welcomed her first child last year after many years of marriage, recounted how she was constantly trolled by many because of her inability to give birth.
She noted how they taunted her and called her names, like barren women, which brought tears to her eyes.