Ololade Hector-Fowobaje: Who Are the Child Sexual Abusers?

‘My uncle abused me when I was five. I don’t remember the details vividly though. Then at ten, a neighbour I usually stayed with after school would molest me while watching pornography and that went on for a very long time. Now as an adult, I am addicted to sex and can’t go without it for a day. I am seeing a counsellor now to break free from this addiction that has crippled me in so many areas.’ Olaseyo (Pseudo name). Who are the child sexual abusers? You may not have to look far.

Child Sexual Abuse is such a multi-faceted issue with intriguing dimensions to it regarding the identity of the abusers. The molester can be anyone, from someone very close to a total stranger. In fact, it is the very people who are suppose to protect children who are abusing them. Personality type also has no effect as a melancholic/introvert or sanguine/extrovert all abuse children. Social class and level of education does not make a difference either. The abuser can be anyone.

Maids, nannies and ‘house boys’ who are usually themselves victims of abuse and become sexually active at a very tender age, abuse both boys and girls to satisfy their sexual urge. Some have said they do it because they never get time off to meet their lovers. Many men also report that they were deflowered by their maids during their pre-teen and teen years. Many have also said that their maids fondled and exposed them to pornography when they were children. Do you remember the story of a male nanny who kept putting his penis in the mouth of a baby over a period of time? In the process, he secreted semen into the infant. The baby took ill and died shortly after!

Gardeners, launderers, security guards and other domestic staff around the house also molest children.

Teenage boys eager to have their ‘first time’ and act out what they have discussed with their friends abuse their younger sisters, brothers and close relatives because they are not bold enough to approach girls for such. They also take advantage of their live-in maids! Yes, sometimes it’s the child who goes after the maid. Maturing boys get fixated on the sizes of their penis, compare with their peers and are usually addicted to pornography, which is so readily available in this era. Anyone who watches porn will be aroused and will look for any available outlet, which is usually the nearest person or masturbation! In the case of a teenage boy, their sisters and other live-ins become their prey.

I was speaking at a Hospital in Lagos recently and a woman approached me. She said her 4-year-old daughter developed a habit of putting a finger in her vagina when sucking her thumb lately and she was wondering if she should be worried. I told her she should be and most importantly we would need to talk to the child. We did and within a few minutes, the child told us how her live-in 15-year-old cousin had been fondling her and warned her not to tell anyone. She said it started when her mum travelled and left her in his care.

Pornography is a serious issue in this age. It is just a button away and is accessible via mobile phones, computers and other electronic gadgets. Children can easily accidentally stumble on pornographic sites when they go online, and there-in lie the danger of internet use. Before you know it, they are raping or sexually abusing someone around them. You won’t believe there are websites which promote incest, rape, child sexual abuse, orgies, homosexuality, sodomy, masturbation and even bestiality.

Boys and girls are also abused, even by older sisters, uncles and aunts.  In fact, uncles rank very high on the list of abusers. Tise says, “I was travelling in a car with my parents and uncle when I was a kid. My dad was driving while my mum was at the front. I sat at the back with my uncle. For the most part of the journey, he was fondling me and my parents were totally unaware of what was happening. Of course, that wasn’t his first time, he had been doing it for a while.”

Next is the boarding school which now breeds homosexuals/lesbians, and students come home to ‘infect’ their siblings. An 8-year-old boy was caught having oral sex with another boy in the school bus. Investigations revealed that his teen brother in a boarding house in another school used to do it with him anytime he was home on holiday. He picked up the habit in boarding school.

Also, some drivers take pleasure in fondling young children. A woman driving her children to school noticed a driver in another car right next to her had his right hand in a little girls pants. She was shocked and just as she contemplated what to do, traffic eased and the car moved. She made a U-turn and followed the car, not minding that she was running late. She followed the car till they got to a primary school nearby and she jumped out raining invectives on the driver, while calling out to the staff of the school. She told them all she saw and the girl’s parents were informed. The child confirmed what the driver did and that was how that abuse stopped! The driver had been abusing her for a long time.

…to be continued