Dear MIMsters: Should My Brother Be Taking Sides With His Wife On This Matter?
I have two things I need advice for. One is that my brother’s wife is so mean, heaven knows my heart and I can never speak against her. She is proud and likes keeping malice. Should my brother take sides?
We are 4 girls in my family, two are married, except for me and my immediate older sister who just graduated. I am looking for where to do my industrial training now.
This my brother’s wife hates my sister and I to the extent that my brother does not care about us. He doesn’t care if we are feeding or clothing. I know what my sister and I have been going through.
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She is not in good terms with anybody in the family apart from mom and dad, and our last born. We are 7 siblings. My parents have tried their best to fix this, even some close friends, but she rather warned them to stay off.
To cut the long story short, I am disturbed and I don’t know why my brother should take sides with his wife and abandon us knowing very well that we did not do anything wrong to her. I reported to her best friend and she say that her reason is because my parents tried to stop my brother from marrying her initially, and everybody was against her then.
But she is in good terms with my parents now. This happened when I was in secondary school. I don’t even know as much as I do know.
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Secondly, my sister is about getting married to someone she barely knows. She desperately wants to leave the house cause of my SIL’s attitude. I know she is not ready and I don’t want her to make any mistake in marriage out of pressure.
She just graduated and needs to serve and start up something if possible, Honestly, sometimes I feel like running away too.
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Mothers, how do you treat your SILs? What is your relationships with them? If she doesn’t want to be in good terms with us fine, but my brother’s care is what I need? How do I make my sister to rethink her decision of marrying as a result of pressure?
This is dicey situation. It’s not easy to live with your in laws you just have to try and be diplomatic. And don’t blame your brother it’s his wife and when you leave they will still be togther you can’t expect him to take sides with you and put the peace of his home at risk. Be patient be as nice and kind as possible to her pray and leave the rest to God.
Sensitive situations like this can only be handled by Divine Intervention. Call God to fight for u and ur sister. As u av explained to us, pls kneel, and tell God, give it a little time. Good luck
I treat my sis inlaw’s well because they too love and respect me. Meanwhile, my MIL will never allow my SIL to live with me and my husband, because they will see it as a burden to us, they can allow them to visit, but not to live permenately.
Hnmmm this is too complicated one oo but plz try make peace wt her but if she refuse let it go n leave evrytin to God bt neva forget to pray abt de situation. As for ur sis still talk to her n make her undastand dat marriage is nt wht we ush into cus of pressure, she jst hv to becareful in chosing a spouse in ds generation to avoid story dat touches de hrt. #mopinion
Tough one
I understand ur situation very much cos i was dere & i bet u it wasnt easy but with God’s wisdom i overcame & today dat same SIL pratically “worship” me. if u really want to be in good book with her pls leave the house ASAP. go to ur parents hse even if they re in d village or get some where else . the reason she behave to yo guys like dat is dat she simply see u & ur sister as liability to d hubby & dat wenever ucome u re always dere 4 thins. so change that mentality in her mind by living without ur brothers support. I bet u wen u get a good job or u re married she will change towards you so just bear or move. goodluck.
try to always be nice to her in every way you can.whats making her act that way is the initial treatment she recieved before coming into the home.don’t get yourself worked up.as for your sister since she has made up her mind always put her in prayers
My dear just try your best with her by been very nice to her not minding the way she behaves,and about your brother alwys pray for him ‘cos he’s under the instruction of his wife.May God help you.
This is a very tough one
Love and respect her the same way u love and respect ur brother. Avoid any ‘this-is-my-brother’s-house’ kind of attitude towards her. Ur brother’s wife may likely be trying to be on the defensive side of inlaws’ wahala. Whether u are younger or older than her, assist her in some domestic chores. Let her know u are for peace, u can equally pray about wisdom in relating with her. I know some wives too can be troublesome but since u value ur relationship with ur brother, u and ur sister must exercise patience with her. Atleast u won’t live there forever. All d best
I admit I don’t have comment for everything. Wish u all d best tho
God should direct your sister.. that’s all I have
What I don’t understand is y she is in good terms wt ur parents& last born (even ur parents that were against d marriage) but won’t forgive you both . search it heart maybe u guys were rude&disrespectful to her when they were dating. As for your brother except he’s under the influence of something (jazz) then you have no right to accuse d wife cos he’s d one stupid (sorry for being harsh) but I can’t see y a man wl turn his back on his family bc of his wife.fir ur sister find someone she respects to talk to her, if she is stl adamant you can invite her to this page so she wl see what women who married in a haste r facing.lastly u both should hand over ur situations to God he wl never fail you.takia of urself
Just be patient, it’s just a matter of time and try to see her as your sister instead of SIL.help with house works then you will see changes. As for your older sister tell her not to do that because if she make such mistake it’s will be very difficult to get out of it.it’s not as easy as that because marriage is a lifetime assignment. Goodluck
just passing by. But meanwhile, you n sis r supposed to be in ur parents house.
Please talk to her, maybe there’s something u both did to her or are doing that irritates her, its always not easy. Having SIL in the house with u, but with wisdom one bears so manythings. Talk to her and ask for forgiveness and if she doesn’t change let her be, there are so many people that are worstoff than u and so many will give anything to be in ur possition… Its a phase, it doesn’t last forever.
Seriously she do not want u and ur sis in dier house.I bet if u leave d house her atittude would change towards u guys.dier is nothing u can say or do dat wld change her behaviour toward u guys,else u are still wit dem(ur Bro house).its either u endore or u leave to ave peace its ur choice
Shiz his wife u too will marry and u and ur hubby will become one so let her be if hiz the mean type
I think she’s still bitter because of she was not initially wanted in the family. I would advise you and your sister move out of the house and get your own place, no matter how small or go back to live with your parents. Then, you will see her changed. She may also see you and your sister as rip off on her husband. She doesn’t want any one to share her husband’s resources or time. Tell your sister, not to behave foolishly just because someone some where doesn’t like her and then rush into marriage. Marriage is life time commitment, both of you should commit every thing into the hands of God and meanwhile forgive your brother and his wife for their not treating you well. All the best.
If you were married you would not be happy if ur hubby takes sides with his relative rather than you. Your brother has cleaved to his wife, which is biblical. From what you said i deduced that there is attitude of “this is my brother’s house” attitude. No woman will take that. She can’t be acting like that without a reason. Talk with her, and ask her to forgive you. Then work with her as your sister. Remove arrogance, and you will see your brother taking care of you people. But mind you, the primary duty of your brother is his wife and children. You guys are secondary. But if you really want to be respected, leave the house, go to your parent’s house. You and your sister have obviously become a burden. YOUR brother’s house is not your house or your parent’s house. Then as for your sister she is not too young to get married, just let her take more time to know the man. But mind you, even if she dates him for your years, it is no guarantee that she will know him through and through. All the best. Still pray for your SIL.
I so much love this comment!
The only wholesome comment here. Spot on!!!
Why not go live wit any of ur sisters
Put yourself in your SIL shoes,what ll you expect your husband to do to you .and how will you expect your SIL to reconcile with you,follow suit .but for your sister,this should not be a reason for her to get married to someone she don’t love or you think she doesn’t love.i think your parent know more than you think.
Dear Lady, marriage isn’t always an open book. A lot of times, there is a lot that you don’t know about a person unless you are married to the person. Your brother’s wife isn’t the reason why your brother doesn’t care for you and your sister as you expect, its your brother’s decision. Besides, you don’t know in details what goes on between both of them, all you maybe seeing might just be transferred aggression. It isnt easy accommodating people, especially inlaws because one seems to have no choice but to treat then extra nice and make them comfortable whether or no its convenient. And it can cause intense pressure on the woman, as well as her marriage. Also, there maybe things you and your sister do that she doesn’t like. Especially for the woman who manages the home, there maybe a lot she wont tell you, considering that she wants to keep her marriage. My advice: return to your parents house if possible, meanwhile please be as nice to your SIL as possible, treat her like your blood sister, be open to her without putting all the blames on her or making yourself seem/sound sinless. As for your sister, she needs to learn that you dont make a permanent mistake because of a temporary problem. Life has challenges and nothing lasts forever.
It’s a serious 1, my SIL is my best friend prolly because she’s the only girl among 5boys, I made up my mind b4 met her that I would be her best friend and we eventually became besties, I would advice you get to know her the more and try and find out what she likes, her hus who is your bro can never support you. All the best
Tell ur brother to rent an apartment for u guys so dat peace will reign
It’s so obvious that she doesn’t want you living with her and she’s trying to make life unbearable for you in her house. If you were not living in her house just like your mom and little sis she will like you
You need to decide on whether to stay and persevere or leave. Weigh what you will lose by leaving and what you will gain by staying. If you decide to stay then you nave to start working hard on making plans of being self reliant, getting a job and. doing well in your academics. You need to show her that you can make it on your own. If she sees you successful, she will start respecting you. There is no need for your sister to rush into marriage just because she wants to escape. Tell her a bad marriage is worse than your SILs house and it’s permanent torture.