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Dear MIMsters: Why Is Hubby Making Such a Big Deal About His Sister?

Dear MIMsters: Why Is Hubby Making Such a Big Deal About His Sister?

My heart is bleeding as hubby is making such a big deal about his sister.

I traveled to the east for a family prayer in my father’s compound. After two days, I visited my hubby’s village to see my mother- in-law. I spent a while with her before I returned to my parent’s house. We planned to leave for Lagos the next day.

Now, my sister-in-law who is also married with children lives in the same village with my MIL, but I did not go and visit her due to time constraint.  My SIL complained to my hubby that I did not come to see her.

While he was still in the village, early one morning  at, when I had not even had my morning devotion, hubby called me. He shouted at me and rebuked me for not going to pay his sister a visit when I was at their village.

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I tied to explain myself but he didn’t listen. He abused me, telling me that I’m stupid and should never speak with him again in his life and that I have done the worst thing ever. He said that he will never regard my parents since I did not regard his sister because his sister is the number one in his life.

As if that was not enough, when he finally came back to Lagos, he continued quarreling me big time over the same issue, saying that I must give him reasons for not visiting his elder sister. Then, I asked him, “why must I visit your sister?” He blew off, saying that I must pack out of his house, that he will show me that he is the man of the house. He nearly beat me up. He went on reigning curses on my family for two hours.

I then told him I need a divorce because I can’t continue this way.

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We have three adorable children and each time we have a misunderstanding, he will gather together and start condemning me before them. With every misunderstanding, he abuses me and my entire family.

He accuses me of infidelity but I’m innocent. I cannot start mentioning what I’m facing. He has taken me to the police station twice. This is a man I married when he had nothing and my family also tried their best for him, now he turns to stab my family and I in the back.

Infact, I’m really confused right now, how can he be comparing my parents with his sister? Does it mean that his sister is the one controlling my home? I really need an answer to all these because I’m going mad right now. This man doesn’t regard me one bit. This is my tenth year in marriage. I have endured being beaten by him in the first 8 years.

He only stopped when my parents and family intervened. His family does not like me at all, especially the mother. Right now, I think divorce is the solution, but each time I look at my children, I keep on holding back. They are ages, 9, 7, 4.


View Comments (18)
  • Hmmm,ma dear I can feel your pains but please for the sake of the kids don’t divorce him,please pray to God seriously for him to change your hubby. God will surly answer your prayers.GOD BE WITH YOU.AMEN!

  • Pls my dear follow ur heart nd also allow God to lead u a right. U can separate ur self for sometime nd seek God’s face. Thereafter u will know what to do. Let ur kids know what u are going through. Don’t die in an abusive marriage. God bless u as u listen to Him.

  • So is life in marriage.I truely feel for you and I dare say, I understand what you’r going through. Well, what I think you should do now is calm down and become a sheep. Swallow the insult and forcefully allow yourself to answer with a soft answer if possible beg him. This is because of your kids. Do you know what will become of them if you leave them? It is that unfriendly SIL that may take charge, later teaching them that you left because of your infidelity. So for now, just cool down and let yourself play along. There are many ways to kill a rat without breaking the earthen pot. It will be well, don’t worry.

  • I feel your pain but their are ways a woman achieve her aim in a home, u are not entirely free from the blame from ur story. Firstly u shouldnt have ask him y u should visit his sister no matter how his is quarreling u. I understanding ur frustration especially inlaws wahala but its only wisdom that can defend u. U should have kept quite, form as if u are busy, try not to listen to his insults or take it at heart. What the devil wants is to prove u are a bad wife to them when u eventually becomes frustrated and leave. God did not institute marriage for u to break up or separate at a point so to get it right, u must fully submit not only when its favourable. Pray for wisdom to handle ur husband and for God to restore ur home with peace and love, as u start praying u will see changes even towards ur husband. Divorce is a worst night mare u wont even wish ur enemy, its a painful experience so dont allow words said to drive u out of a home God gave u. Let go of the anger and forgive him even before he ask.

  • Please, don’t die in an abusive marriage. Your kids are still very tender, yes but you have to be alive to take care of them. If you go for a divorce, you’ll still have thee custody of the kids since they are still young. Please, my dear, pray to God that he changes but if he doesn’t, kindly take a walk for the sake of your children. If you think that staying in that marriage will make your children better, I’m afraid that’s not true because you’ll loose your life and another woman will turn them into slaves in their own fathers house. So I advise, because of them and their future, take a walk and train them the way you want. You will have custody of them if you divorce that woman-beater husband of yours.

  • There are two sides to every story so I suggest we should not jump into conclusions without hearing from the accused. From the story so far the wife has painted herself as a saint while the rest are just wicked. Having said that, I will strongly advice she should put God first in all her issues and pray for her husband and family in general, the first attack of the devil is the foundation of marriage thus I repeat once more she should be prayerful rather than fearful

  • It is well my sister, go down on your kneels, talk earnestly with God and He will fight your battles. You can’t just lie about the way your husband treats you so don’t mind those saying otherwise. I know a woman facing similar issues. When it leads to frequent abuse run for your life before he kills you, making your kids motherless. But God can do it

  • All of u that are saying she should quit should also understand that there re two ways to a matter and we have heard one. let’s hear the complete story first.

  • Your kids are better off in a healthy home without a dad than growing up with an abusive one, what are you trying to teach them? That it’s ok for a man to physically and emotionally abuse a woman or that it’s ok for a woman to endure abuse? Please think about it.

  • I understand ur plight, the poster. My hubby is praying recently for d money to buy a car for her sis but me has being training my kids at schools with my mearger earnings n he just graduated from school. No regards to me but his sis. Hope u re working n earning some thing. Over look him n mind ur kids. But talk less. Stay for ur kids pls.

  • Please separate from him for a while to gain your sanity. Apparently he is draining you out. Stop looking at the years or the kids so you don’t die in his hands.

  • aI honestly dont understand when people say stay for your kids. Pray, go on your knees. This is really worrisome.

    For goodness sake, those kids are being damahedy on the daily seeing their mother battered by their father and being insulted like a slave. These kids are absorbing these things and will also display same traits as their father (for the boys) and if a daugter is amongst them, she lives just like her mother, believing abuse is normal.

    Woman, you are not alone. You have endured enough. Get a separation, if you can take your children along .

    God hates divorce but neither does he love murder.
    For goodness sake, wear your crown.

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