BECOME A BETTER PARENT: See 8 Bad Habits to Quit in the New Year

Matthew Imerhion

It’s normal for parents to discipline a child as they deem fit, at least in these culture-rich parts of the world, but what if the parent is the root cause of the child’s unpleasant behaviour? Let’s review some negative ways you’ve probably been rubbing off on your kids and why you need to kick the habits this new year.

1. Perjury

All those times you lied on the phone about being at the office when you were actually in the kitchen signaling to your 8-year old angel, Jolene, to keep quiet? You were actually teaching her how to ‘tell an untruth,’ precisely, tell a lie. So, now you wonder why she lies about bed-wetting when the wet patch is there in plain sight for all to see. A lot of parents are guilty of influencing their kids to become false witnesses in the society.

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2. Slander

Call it gossip, back stabbing or defamation of character, it’s not a good thing to do around your child. You may or not be doing it with your child, it may be with your friend or on the phone. Does your child often hear you saying things about your husband, in-laws or friends that you should not? She is definitely going to imitate you soon and get addicted to the seductive sweetness of gossip. What’s more? Your back biting may one day backfire on you. Imagine you were mum to 6-year-old Mary in this conversation that took place at a mall:

Ms Bello: Hello, girl!

Mary’s mum: Hi! (They embrace) Good to see you.

Ms Bello: Same here. Who’s this little angel?

Mary’s mum: (Smiling) My daughter. Mary, say hello to Ms. Bello.

Mary: Hello! (Innocently) Mummy, she’s the one you and daddy says talks too much?

How would you save your face?

3. Negative Attitude

Perhaps you’re frail minded and exhibit poor self concept. These will rub off on your child’s self esteem. When you constantly say things like, ‘I look awful’, It’s too difficult, I can’t do it or get it right,’ and so on. This negative attitude will also affect how you appraise your child, especially when he fails or makes mistakes. Children pick the needed vibe to be proud of their looks, successes, learn from mistakes, be goal-getters, and so on, mostly from their parents’ disposition.

4. Domestic Abuse

Has the school authority called to tell you your child has violent or aggressive tendencies? Did they tell you they wouldn’t have called if it was not getting a bit too frequent? Now, be honest with yourself, are you given to hitting the child or your spouse? A child who witnesses constant assault, domestic violence or aggressiveness will most definitely deem such the best way to gain compliance, resolve conflicts, have his way or get attention. Beware!

5. Smothering

“…We as parents are failing our children today — coddling and crippling them — and keeping them from becoming leaders…” – Kathrine Caprino, Writer, Leadership Trainer

You ALWAYS tell your child what to do. You turn a blind eye to almost every misbehavior; major or not. His teachers, your friends, neighbours, everyone know you for your defensive approach to even constructive criticisms. You seem to see none of his wrongs and are ALWAYS prepared to protect him from the world. Beware! Your child may start to believe that he or she can NEVER get anything right on her own without your support and approval. When you’re not there, someone else has to give it. So, as she grows, she may start placing too much significance on people’s opinions about her. And, what happens if a buddy she thinks highly of says she’ll be better off smoking, participating in an orgy or something worse?

6. Bad Grooming

I mean, the way you stand, sit, walk, and dress. Do you slouch when you sit or grab your crotch when you stand? Do you pick your nose and flick whatever-you–call-it in any direction in public or wear dirty, un-ironed clothes? Yes, those un-presentable ways you keep your physical appearance will affect your child negatively. At this young age, they will be punished by teachers or rejected and mocked at in school. If these tendencies are not curbed, it may affect their social lives as well as securing deserving career opportunities as adults.

7. Extreme Munchies

Finally, blame it on the volume of paper work you have to do at the office, daily journey to and fro work or your genes but your insatiable desire to eat or the non-existence of one will affect your child’s ability to develop healthy eating habits. If you have your hands full trying to curb or improve your eating habits currently, try at all times to discourage your child from following suit. Let her know that you do not like your eating habits and see you make conscious efforts to improve.

8. Never Minding Your Language

Perhaps you want to blame it on road rage, and your spouse’s ineptitude, and the weather nowadays, (the heat is unbearable), and your son always leaving his toys scattered everywhere. Well, you can be rest assured that your frequent use of derogatory words is going to rub off on your children as they in turn will hurt their friends and soon, people may avoid interacting with them.

It’s essential that parents make time for lots of honest introspection to identify all habits that may be rubbing off on their kids negatively. Reflect and try to control those impulsive tendencies so your kids get to learn from your worthy example.

 

This article was first published in a print issue of Motherhood In-Style Magazine.