Ways to Ditch the Mummy Guilt (Part 1)

Chiomah Momah

Mummy guilt is something we all get every now and then. In fact, a survey on a popular parenting resource website shows that about 94 percent of mothers feel guilty on a range of issues from feeding their babies formula instead of  breast milk to not being able to spend quality time with their bundles of joy.

The truth is that we are not alone and while the working mum feels guilty about leaving her children at home, the stay-at-home mum may feel she isn’t doing enough for her children with the amount of time she has with them. Here are a few tips to deal this:

1. Rather than throw yourself a pity party, have a plan and back up: Since it’s been established that mummy guilt is universal, don’t eat yourself up with it. Rather than let guilt control you, use it as a check. For example, if you feel guilty about not taking your children swimming, then maybe it’s about time you started, even if it’s only once a month. Like the saying in pidgin English goes, “At all at all na im bad pass.” This means total neglect is worse. Mums with busy schedules need to have a plan. For example, I personally feel guilty that I can’t pick up my children from school every day. To make up for that, I leave the house early so I can drop them every morning and walk them to their classrooms. I also try to pick them up at least once a week.

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2. Surround yourself with the right people: It’s important to have the right people around you. Instead of having friends who criticize you for not exclusively breast feeding your baby or not spending enough time with your children, find friends that will encourage you to do the needful. You do not need a friend who instead of proffering solutions to help ends up making you feel worse than you already do. Sometimes, some of those people criticizing you may be worse offenders.

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3. It’s not all about the money: Mums may also feel guilty when they can’t afford to buy their children the latest PS3 or take them for a holiday in Dubai. Not owning a game console or being unable to travel for summer is not the end of the world. Rather, we should teach our children to enjoy life without necessarily having so much luxury. Also, we should learn than our children would choose our love and attention over money any day! Giving your child what you can afford or think he really needs per time is the best way to teach him to be content. Don’t feel guilty about it.

4. Make every day count: Many mums need to get off their butts! Rather than just whine about how little you do with your children, start doing something! It may be as simple as playing a computer game, playing cards or chasing them around the yard. Trust me, when you just sit all day with your eyes stuck on your blackberry or locked in your bedroom, you aren’t adding any value and may feel bad about that later.

Read concluding part tomorrow.