How to Disagree With Your Spouse Without Wrecking Your Marriage

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Mark Wealth

Disagreements are normal in every relationship. However, it’s imperative to handle your differences in a way that won’t create loopholes that may eventually harm or completely ruin your marriage. Find a few ways of achieving a lifetime of unity in the face of individual diversity…

It’s Not A Contest! When your individual differences clash, try to remember that it is not a competition. There are no trophies to be won. You guys are on the same side.

Sometimes, you might have to compromise, especially when you see that your spouse is not backing down. Silence can be worth more than gold in times of conflict; your marriage is worth it.

Try His/Her Shoes. Not because you want to see if they look good on you but because you want to sincerely look at things from your partner’s perspective. Identify and acknowledge their concern and see if you’re contributing to their worries.

Apologise if you have to and then do the same with your own perspective. Both parties have to agree beforehand on the rules of engagement and what to do if things are heading south.

Mind Your Language. Married partners expect respect from each other, so be careful not to use abusive or belittling words and tones.

When emotional tides are rising, it feels like the right thing is to just say it as you feel it but hey! You might be making matters worse. Remember that your marriage and home are more important than satisfying yourself.

Jumping To Conclusions ought to be an Olympics event as someone said but it’s definitely not the way you should relate with your spouse. You may be doing this too often, especially when you’re suspicious or assume you know your partner’s motives.

When there are disagreements, be slow to speak, quick to listen, and ask questions in an unassuming, sincere tone when in doubt or suspicious.

Leave The Past: It Has Passed!

Although, truth be told, we cannot totally cut the past off but be careful how and when you bring it up. It might be connected to whatever is happening now but if tempers are already rising, forget it, especially if that event was resolved. Make a mental note to talk about it later.

Be Objective! When you want to discuss an issue that you’d put off because emotions were flaring, be objective. Focus on the issue and introduce it like it wasn’t connected to that argument.

You can start with, “Darling, what or how do you think we should…” Using ‘we’ instead of ‘I’ or ‘you’ takes the matter away from the conflict zone into the ‘you and I against the world’ zone.

He Said She Said…

You should avoid mentioning what the third party said, even if it’s her mother or yours. Bringing in the third party is another thing that will make your partner feel you have joined forces with ‘the others’ against them.

Be Honest. Don’t exaggerate the facts or erase some bits and stick to your version when you know that’s not how it went down. It builds mistrust.

On the flip side, if you observe that your spouse is an impulsive liar, seek counselling. Well, except you don’t want your marriage to be a success.

Here’s to the success of your marriage!