Dear MIMers: I’m Pregnant With My Best Friend’s Husband’s First Child

I’m very depressed right now and need urgent advice on the way forward.

Lara (not real name) and I grew up together and anyone would easily think we were sisters because of our incredible bond. Her husband, who she married about 7 years ago, has also always been a very good friend of mine as we all grew up in the same neigbourhood and were classmates at the university.

While Lara craved and prayed for the fruit of the womb, I did for a spouse as I have had series of heartbreaks and remained single. I remember the two of us holding hands as we fervently prayed about each other’s plight on our 35th birthday two years ago. In place of answered prayers, she had two failed IVF treatments and I, another epic heartbreak. Crying and consoling each other became our sad reality until I started withdrawing from her because of my shameful pregnancy.

Contrary to what most people would likely assume, I didn’t seduce Lara’s husband. Neither did I ever scheme to take him away from her, share him with her or ruin their marriage as they share a lovely relationship despite their childlessness. However, the devil dared to use him and he allowed it.

Lara and I usually took turns spending the weekends at each other’s house. We’ve had this going since childhood and her getting married and the fact that we worked at the same bank branch didn’t stop us. So, it was my turn to spend the weekend at her house and when I came that morning, I met her mum and one other woman. After the greetings, she called me into her room and told me her mum came about 20 minutes before I did and wanted them to see someone that day concerning her inability to conceive. She asked me to come along but I refused to oblige. It had been a very tiring week at work and I could definitely use some sleep in her absence. She felt a bit offended but let me be, promising to pay back.

They left shortly after we returned to the sitting room, leaving her husband and I alone at home. All I remember was drinking the juice he offered me as we watched a movie showing on TV. I woke up in the guest room around 1 p.m. and realized I had been raped. Lara’s husband was lying right next to me pretending to be asleep as I quietly left the room. I wanted to leave the house but was bothered about what I would tell my friend. He subsequently sent me a few messages, apologizing for his ‘misdeed’ as he put it.

Even though I was emotionally troubled, I tried to carry on as if nothing happened but Lara noticed something was wrong. She let me be when I kept saying it was only in her head. I left their house after church service on Sunday afternoon and called in sick on Monday. I was away from work for a few days, switched off my phone and left my house to stay at a friend’s place to avoid Lara. I felt very depressed and guilty for not telling her what had happened.

I continued pushing her away after returning to work and she would constantly ask me how she had erred, thinking my unusual attitude towards her was her fault. I quit my bank job for an administrative role at an Engineering firm a little over a month later. Not quite 2 weeks after that, I realized I was pregnant. I wasn’t in any relationship and it was obvious who was responsible when the doctor confirmed how far along I was.

I won’t deny that I want to keep this baby. I mean, at my age, who wouldn’t? I’ve not even had one serious guy show interest since my last relationship. This baby appears to be my hope of becoming a mother soon but I feel it’s not fair to my friend. How can I ever break this news to her? I can’t even bring myself to tell her husband I’m carrying his baby. Won’t my child want to know his father? How will I tell my family my pregnancy is a result of Lara’s husband’s rape? Will they believe me? I feel like I have betrayed my beloved childhood friend. What do I do?

Photo credit: youtube