Dear MIMers: I’m Pregnant With My Best Friend’s Husband’s First Child
I’m very depressed right now and need urgent advice on the way forward.
Lara (not real name) and I grew up together and anyone would easily think we were sisters because of our incredible bond. Her husband, who she married about 7 years ago, has also always been a very good friend of mine as we all grew up in the same neigbourhood and were classmates at the university.
While Lara craved and prayed for the fruit of the womb, I did for a spouse as I have had series of heartbreaks and remained single. I remember the two of us holding hands as we fervently prayed about each other’s plight on our 35th birthday two years ago. In place of answered prayers, she had two failed IVF treatments and I, another epic heartbreak. Crying and consoling each other became our sad reality until I started withdrawing from her because of my shameful pregnancy.
Contrary to what most people would likely assume, I didn’t seduce Lara’s husband. Neither did I ever scheme to take him away from her, share him with her or ruin their marriage as they share a lovely relationship despite their childlessness. However, the devil dared to use him and he allowed it.
Lara and I usually took turns spending the weekends at each other’s house. We’ve had this going since childhood and her getting married and the fact that we worked at the same bank branch didn’t stop us. So, it was my turn to spend the weekend at her house and when I came that morning, I met her mum and one other woman. After the greetings, she called me into her room and told me her mum came about 20 minutes before I did and wanted them to see someone that day concerning her inability to conceive. She asked me to come along but I refused to oblige. It had been a very tiring week at work and I could definitely use some sleep in her absence. She felt a bit offended but let me be, promising to pay back.
They left shortly after we returned to the sitting room, leaving her husband and I alone at home. All I remember was drinking the juice he offered me as we watched a movie showing on TV. I woke up in the guest room around 1 p.m. and realized I had been raped. Lara’s husband was lying right next to me pretending to be asleep as I quietly left the room. I wanted to leave the house but was bothered about what I would tell my friend. He subsequently sent me a few messages, apologizing for his ‘misdeed’ as he put it.
Even though I was emotionally troubled, I tried to carry on as if nothing happened but Lara noticed something was wrong. She let me be when I kept saying it was only in her head. I left their house after church service on Sunday afternoon and called in sick on Monday. I was away from work for a few days, switched off my phone and left my house to stay at a friend’s place to avoid Lara. I felt very depressed and guilty for not telling her what had happened.
I continued pushing her away after returning to work and she would constantly ask me how she had erred, thinking my unusual attitude towards her was her fault. I quit my bank job for an administrative role at an Engineering firm a little over a month later. Not quite 2 weeks after that, I realized I was pregnant. I wasn’t in any relationship and it was obvious who was responsible when the doctor confirmed how far along I was.
I won’t deny that I want to keep this baby. I mean, at my age, who wouldn’t? I’ve not even had one serious guy show interest since my last relationship. This baby appears to be my hope of becoming a mother soon but I feel it’s not fair to my friend. How can I ever break this news to her? I can’t even bring myself to tell her husband I’m carrying his baby. Won’t my child want to know his father? How will I tell my family my pregnancy is a result of Lara’s husband’s rape? Will they believe me? I feel like I have betrayed my beloved childhood friend. What do I do?
Photo credit: youtube
You would’ve said something immediately this thing happened. We women allow these guys get away with a lot of things while we’re always at the receiving end, taking-in every rubbish they dish out to us. Now you have to loose a longtime friendship because of this randy he-goat. I don’t know how you’re going to face your friend now cos she won’t ever believe you.
I personally won’t keep a pregnancy like that no matter my age. Why didn’t you speak out when it happened? How can you let it linger this long? Sadly nobody will believe you now. Please abort the pregnancy and wait for your own man or Get preggy for someone else.
This is really complicated! I feel your pains and at the same time, i feel your friend has the right to know whats happening. Keeping her in the dark will even make her more heartborken than she is right now.
No no let her keep the preg it might one day be her saving grace
No no let her keep the preg it might one day be her saving grace , the deed is already done ! So , abortion is killing am not in support
You should have told your friend immediately but as u didn’t then, there is no use telling her now. As for that pregnancy, I t g ink u should get rid of it. My reasons are 1) the controversy surrounding the pregnancy is too much.2) your friend will find out eventually if u keep it and the shock might kill her because of your closeness.3)if she swears for you
and the baby and d husband with the pains in her heart, your lives will be useless. 4) what if d child is a photocopy of the father. Things like this a easier planned in the hea d than carrying it out in real life. What will u tell your child when he or she grows up. How will you live with the guilt. When u look in d mirror what will u see. You might tell yourself that u were raped but u had options to report him to d police or tell your friend and because you choose neither options that makes u guilty as well. Now put yourself in her shoes. More babies will come to u but not at the expense of people’s joy, marriages, peace of mind and your years of friendship. It’s not worth it.
lies.lies.lies..theres some discrepancy in,your story..u wanted it,age wasnt by your side…u are a bad friend…get rid of that bloody pregnancy and go search for your own man…dont be a bad friend
She may died on process of aborting this baby, the blunder have already been committed. Ask God for forgiveness and arrange with elderly people especially your friend in law family to intervene .
God bless you! What type of rape, she only drank fruit juice, it was not missed with anything, how come she slept to the extent that she was raped, I mean fully raped!!! I will not encourage abortion, she should relocated from the environment for life; she is not a reliable friend and that man is highly irresponsible
If you cannot deduce that the drink was drugged then I can’t help you
I think you want us to sympathize with you and your story doesn’t seem right to me. Bringing forth this child will bring a while lot of issues now that your friend is trying to conceive. She may even think u planned it. The ball is in your court. Make d right decision before its too late
What happened to prevention pills after the whole incident? That’s my only question..it means you wanted this…Abort it ASAP…
Thank you!!!
My dear u would have told her immediately it took place since u cld her a true friend
If she is really ur childhood friend u would hv let her know
The harm has already been done. Aborting or killing it doesn’t make it right.
Please gather enough evidence to prove your innocence.
Since you love this lady, why not allow her to raise the child alone if she’s okay with the idea without harbouring any resentments towards the child. If she agrees I will advise you stay away from the family, that’s the only way she won’t feel threatened by you
It could be your gift to her as a sister. It won’t be easy but think about it.
That’s why I don’t like visiting my married friends homes or even becoming friends with their partners.
Human beings are a funny creature.
I trust everyone is the devil inside them that I don’t trust
Telling the truth would have been the right thing immediately the incident happened but it’s always better late than never. Call your friend and her husband and also your family and tell everyone what happened and remain steadfast in prayers.
Telling the truth would have been the right thing immediately the incident happened but it’s always better late than never. Call a meeting with your friend and her husband and also your family and tell everyone what happened and remain steadfast in prayers.
No need trading blames. I understand you didn’t tell her because you were trying to protect her marriage. Besides the man would have turned it against you. Your word against his and the wife would support her husband. Either way, you would have still lost or strained your relationship with your friend. Well like someone said, abortion is not an option at your age(that could be your only child or anything could happen that would prevent future pregnancies). Tell your friend what happened(by mail). Tell her you would hand over the baby to her and move on with your life and forget that family. Yes she will be hurt but considering how close you are tell her to just see you as a surrogate mum. It won’t be easy to give up your child but when you get married and have yours, things will be better. Pray God to give you your own husband
I don’t entirely believe your story, I mean, were you drugged or what? How can a grown arse woman not feel a thing when someone lays on her and tries to penetrate under normal circumstances? I’ve escaped being raped a few times before so I know what I’m talking about cos one of it happened at nite while everyone was asleep when a relative of mine came on me and tried his luck, the feeling of his weight on me woke me up and I gave him a hard push off me (I mean, how could he have dared), so babe, leave it, truth is you knew that man came on you but you never resisted him cos you’ve felt a thing or two for him before (talk true o).. You were already emotionally attached to that man jare… I’m not an advocate of abortion, I’ve never had one myself, but in this case, girl get rid of that pregnancy before you cause your friend to kill two people – you and her hubby.. Nonsense!
Pls read the story well. she was actually drugged.
Drugged? Even when you are drugged you might not be able to fight him off due to effect of drug but you will have faint knowledge of your environment. She woke up naked by her friends husband and she couldn’t at least ask him what he was doing by her side naked. She didn’t also feel soared or wet to visit the clinic immediately. Abeg your story sha!!! I really feel sorry for your sister friend indeed.
KEEP THE BABY. AFTER GIVING BIRTH YOU CAN GIVE THE CHILD TO YOUR FRIEND. AND GO FAR FROM THEM. THE DID HAS BEEN DONE.
PLEASE IGNORE THOSE SAYING YOU SHOULD ABORT. PLEASE DONT. THE CHILD IS INNOCENT. ITS MURDER. WHAT IF YOU GET COMPLICATIONS IN THE FUTURE OR DIE IN THE PROCESS.
Hmmmmm
here’s my candid opinion. The man most likely had the consent of your friend before doing what he did. How else would he have been bold enough to rape his own wife’s best friend in his own matrimonial home? The wife knowing she can’t conceive must have given him the go ahead so that they can take the child from you when it is born. Now am not trying to paint your friend as a bad person but you really need God’s wisdom to see things clearly and make the right decision. Don’t abort the child cos there are obvious and inobvious consequences. You are 35. That might be your only child. Don’t let them take the child away from you. That might be your only source of comfort. If your friend eventually has her own children, she would be very likely to Maltreat your child. I don’t think I want that to happen to any of my children. The only reason why a mother should give up her child is if she doesn’t have the capacity to take care of the child and am sure you do judging from your career status. He already took advantage of you by raping you. Don’t let them do more by taking your child. He can send money to you from time to time to take care of the child. Call your friend and her husband and family and lay it all before them. Better late than never. And remain prayerful. God be with you. You might also have to stay away from the family.
I totally agree with you.
honestly how can some people advice a mother to give up her child..no matter d situation what if they both plan it as u say
The deed has been done,dont murder an innocent child,because you will regret it,stay away from from friend and your randy baby daddy,travel out and raise your child
if truly u were raped, you went about this whole issue the wrong way. am talking as a person who has had a childhood friend since grade three and would not think twice about telling her the truth in such a case. however, if you truly still value your freindship and love your friend as you say, please be honest and tell her the truth than her having to find out from a third party. if this breaks your friendship, atleast you will have peace and serenity knowing you did the right thing.
i sincerely wish you all the best…
Dear poster,
Hard as it may be, the deed has been done. Please organise a meeting with your friend and ask her to come along with her hubby. she should not tell her hubby where or who they are going to meet. Get someone else, maybe a family member from your friend’s side and or just a matured third party, Spill the beans. Start from the beginning and tell your friend how disappointed you have been and why you haven’t been able to tell her since but that with each passing day, you find reasons to. Tell her that you know your friendship with her cannot be the same again and even if things have turned sour she needs to know the truth. Please, do not abort that boy. He will become a pillar for you in life.
I agree with those that said you should not abort d baby ,he is innocent
Hmmmmmmmm
speechless
The spate with which these heartless people quickly suggest abortion this days is alarming. How sure are you the adviser that you are not an illegitimate child and why have your own parent not abort you.
Keep the baby dear and look for ways of approaching your friend. Never engage her in any confrotation.
pls ,abortion is not an option for now.what if you try abortion and the thing go otherwise in the process (ur womb being damaged or you loose ur life).Rape is an issue as it being explained here and there cos so many bad attribute attached to it .fear of telling anybody is one and the rest of hazard it may cause to the victim.
pls for Almighty God sake, confess to the reliable pastor who can help you to approach your friend in the presence of her useless husband. and do not release ur child to anybody ,take good care of the child and May God provide you ur own husband
Whatever happened to emergency pill? You wanted to ruin their marriage by getting pregnant. People like u make many women fear having best friends. Confession s d only option.
There’s a missing link in ur story.I believe u honestly wanted it.don’t abort the baby.tell ur friend the truth.give up the baby for adoption so ur friend can raise the baby and leave them in peace.go and ask God for forgiveness.
hmmmmm! this is a very serious issue, I will advice you to call your friend and tell her the truth before she heard it from a third party and do not abort the pregnancy, that is another sin against God.
both of u made d mistake of continuing ur childhood activity of spending wkends at each others place which is not quite right…….there are some habits dat should be stopped as we grow older esp wen one gets married so as not to court trouble.
as for d baby ;u can keep him/het but for how long would u live wit d guilt??????
Put urself in ur friend shoe what will you do if she is the one pregnant for your hubby? That u forgave her? That is big question my dear.
The deed have being done, wht u need to do now is call her and narrate everything to …………. Let her decide though it can cause u ur friendship
You were raped..quite unfortunate.but even a little girl knows the next thing to do is to visit the hospital and get cleaned up.instead, you were cooking up pity story.if you ever abort that innocent child you are a muderer madam..
Please no matter what you do, do not tamper with the pregnancy.That child is God’s will.leave it. This same man has been intimate with yoir friend for years and God didn’t will it so why will your one unfortunate incident bear God’s grace?
That’s because, no matter how wise we are, we are not wiser than our creator.
On the psychological part, Since he apologised via text messages, you have evidence of your innocent. Inform your friend with the presence of an elder in the family to make the blow less heavy and she wouldn’t have to bear it all alone.
whether you bring up the child or your friend does, its up to you both to decide but please break the silence and free yourself.
NO ABORTIONS!!!
Are the stories here real or fabricated.sometimes they don’t add up
Abort that baby and you’ll hate yourself for the rest of your life. Children are God’s gift. Don’t complicate your life further by killing an innocent child. Call your sperm donor to a meeting, turn on your phone’s voice recorder and ask him why he raped you. Ask him leading questions to make him admit what he did, then tell him you’re pregnant. Play out the conversation to your friend. A child’s life isn’t worth taking over a long friendship that can break any day. God guide you.
I dont agree with people who say you should have told her immediately it happened. Its the right thing to have done but we are humans. Most of us wont do that.
You really should have take a pill to prevent you from getting pregnant.
I wont advise abortion. And with that out of the door, I believe that whether or not you tell your friend, your friendship might probably be over as most of these kids end up looking like their father.
Have respect for your years of friendship with your friend and tell her alone. Tell her her husband doesn’t know about the pregnancy and show her the text messages. It would hurt her but ts better than her finding out from someone later. And reported speeches usually carry half-truths so you would be made a liar then. And flee from that man. Your child can know him later.
All the best with the baby. May he/she bring you much joy.
The story is quite fishy in the sense that u claim to have been raped and you did nothing to prevent an unwanted pregnancy or even an std despite your claimed education and exposure, you also did not put up any form of reaction on the aftermath of the incident… I think you re not telling the whole story, or better still you just want pple to tell you stuffs u want to hear just to help ur conscience.
Imagine you telling ur child this story in future. Please don’t bear a child only to leave him or her traumatized just because of ur desperation and selfishness. Your turn will come.