Dear MIMers: Is it Wise to Marry This Amazing Man Despite His Family’s Depressing Attitude Towards Me?
I’m a 33-year-old lawyer from an affluent home. I met my 27-year-old prince charming (also a lawyer) in Abuja about 2 years ago after a terrible heartbreak. He was then in Abuja for his youth service and served at the law firm where I work. For someone just starting off, his brilliance was very impressive and this endeared him to everyone. We became very good friends and fell in love. After his service year, I pulled out all the stops and got him a very good offer at a reputable company in Abuja.
Meanwhile, shortly after we began our relationship, I met one of his two siblings (his married older sister who lives in Abuja) and perceived she wasn’t too pleased with her brother’s choice. I subsequently tried to win her over. I won’t say my efforts were entirely futile as she changed from being very cold to cordial. Still, our relationship is far from ideal.
I didn’t get to meet the rest of his family until after his youth service. Prior to that, we had spoken a few times via phone and they sounded quite enthusiastic. I also had series of video chats with his baby sister, who is now in her final year.
I expected a warm welcome when we got to Ibadan, as though I am not Yoruba, I speak the language very well because I grew up in Lagos and I’m also very homely. However, I perceived some hostility from his parents, especially from his mum, after they excused themselves to have a private talk with him. I pointed it out to him but he said we only needed time to really get to know each other and I agreed with him.
Sadly, almost one year has gone down the line and nothing has changed. I don’t need a soothsayer or priest to tell me they don’t like me at all because they show it every way they can. I’ve tried all I can to impress them to no avail. Even his baby sister doesn’t pick or return my calls and always ignores my chats. On the other hand, my family absolutely dotes on him. It makes him feel bad and he keeps reassuring me that his family will learn to accept me because there’s no other woman for him.
He will likely propose as soon as he rounds up his Masters degree programme as he has been talking too much about marriage and kids lately. I’m amazed at how hardworking and intelligent this man is; he doesn’t ask for anything and won’t accept help except when inevitable. Even then, he’ll make sure he refunds.
I see him draw plans to start our own firm and several other things he hopes we can achieve and I realize how much time and resources I have wasted all these years on frivolities. He inspires me to step up. He is the man of my dreams and makes me very happy, but I’m very scared about his family’s disposition towards me. I grew up in a very close-knit family and don’t know how I would cope with such hostility. Would you marry him regardless if you were in my shoes? Isn’t this a red alert we will have problems in our marriage? Do you think his family will eventually change? What if they don’t attend our wedding? Please advise.
Photo credit: istock
It is glaring sis, if you can cope and ignore his family, no problem, but if not heartache…..Marriage is not just the man only, but with the family
If I were in your shoes, I would move on. Anything you can’t change now, don’t expect it to change after marriage. It will only strain your relationship with your husband. Instead of building your marriage and family, you will spend your all trying to impress his family. Please back out now, you deserve to be happy
Families don’t change just like that, they may try to tag along but doesn’t mean they’re changed. Personally, I won’t go were I’m not loved and welcomed however charming my man is, I dont need certain headaches/stress in my life and I spell it out from the beginning.So Is up to you to set your priorities right. Besides I have a friend who’s currently in a bit of a messed up situation but I love that she’s moved on strongly, her hubby’s yoruba while she’s Ibo, his family weren’t that into her to but she stayed, got married and left Naija for US with her hubby as they both thought that would help her get over his family’s lukewarm attitude towards her. Fast forward, after three grown kids he abandoned her and the kids in the US, returned to Naija and settled with a yoruba lady. My friend only got to know after they had their first baby. The choice is yours dear.
U will definitely have problems except u want to live without in laws cos wen issues arise(which will definitely) they won’t interfere n u won’t v anybody to run to
Please move on oh I beg you. Families don’t change just like that my dear and they can even make him hate you in future.
move on
Marriage is a lifetime thing not something you can pullout when you like, so leave this guy alone
Hmmmn. Stop wasting your time with him. Move on
Move on my sister
I feel for you, dear, knowing how much you have invested in this relationship. lf you must adhere to the truth, then just move on with your life. Prevention is better than cure.
Let him know you want to quit. Truth is he’s the one not doing enough to make his family love you. Talking from experience. Forget about marriage, learn as much as you can from him. Some relationships are meant to make you a better person for the real man. Open your heart to another suitor.
Pls from experience bcos I do tell pple marriage is not honey. Pls dear sister leave that man and move on with ur life. I know u might think age is no more ur friend but that’s just what we do make ourselves believe for sympathy sake. Pls I beg u leave him with his family, they might have even got one for him to come for b4 u came into d picture might be the reason dey can never liked u no matter what u ve done. Broken relationship is better than broken marriage dear.
As much as the family is important, I dont think you should just ‘up and leave’the relationship.
Do they only dislike you because you are Yuroba? Find out why they dislike you.
You could marry someone whose family loves you and he will still cheat on you if he wants to.
Pray about this. You could speak to your guy to get a well respected person in his family to talk to his parents. Several occasions, people have been won over with time.
Good guys are hard to get. If you have a connection, try to fight for that.
End of the day, a cordial relationship with your inlaws is essential.
Pls my dear lovely sis,I will advise u to let him be! Marriage Hardly works out well especially for a woman wen her in law does not like her…there are lot of things at stake if u decided to be with that kinda of man! The man might be perfect but the moment d family are somehow it will be very difficult for u to cope! From ur write up it seems they already v this mindset abt u and I don’t think there is nothing u do that can make them like u..I know is going to be very hard but its better u move on and open ur mind to another relationship. I v a distant relative that dis same thing happened to,she decided to marry d man despite all d warnings but alas she’s late now at a very young age and d man married d woman of his family’s choice!!! Its better u learn and hear it from some1 than u being d lesson itself!!!!