Dear MIMsters: Is This Woman I Call Mum Really My Biological Mother?
Please, how have I offended this woman I call mum? She’s so used to controlling my life and still wants to continue even in my husband’s house. I am questioning if she’s my biological mother because she does not behave like one.
She kept selecting and chasing suitors away until she finally consented to my marrying my husband simply because she felt he’s a weakling by his looks.
But soon after my introduction, she started complaining that the distance is too far and will not be able to see me whenever she wants.
It got to an extent that she started saying she’s not in support of the relationship. Meanwhile, she was the same person who took me to several prophets who told me he is my soulmate. I and my hubby personally footed all the expenses from introduction to wedding without anyone dropping a dime to support.
I bought her and my dad George wrappers and expensive lace material for blouse but couldn’t get shoe and bag because I was unable to get the design she requested but offered to give her money to buy it which she refused, saying it’s a taboo.
I took my dad’s own to the tailor and payed for it because he was 93 years when I got married. She insisted I do same for her which I did without objecting. I bought them only one attire because they fixed both traditional and white wedding in one day but changed plans two days to the wedding. She insisted I got another attire for them but that was impossible because my account was in ‘red’. Credit goes to her because I was doing everything she wanted by organizing a top class wedding reception so I don’t downgrade her before her mates.
She threatened to dress in rags if I didn’t get her what she requested to disgrace me and told everyone we didn’t get her what to wear. This is a woman I got series of clothes, shoes, bags, etc, for few months to my wedding.
To cut the story short, she didn’t attend my wedding simply because I dressed up in a hotel. I lodged with my train somewhere because hubby and I live in a different city. Secondly I was told during prayers not to dress up in my father’s house on my wedding. But that day she insisted I must come home to dress up from the house. I had to go over to my father’s house to beg her to follow me to church but she bluntly refused.
I arrived church about an hour plus late, just when the priest was about to cancel the wedding because of her tantrums. I however held back my tears and kept a smiling face.
She arrived after the wedding during photography session. She came to the reception with my brother to disrupt my reception. She said that I refused to allow them escort me from Delta to Lagos and to buy goats for the village youths, which I had already paid for.
Then, months after I got pregnant, she said I should go and have my husband’s first child in her place which I bluntly refused. She said she won’t come for Omugwo and she didn’t. I had same issues with her when I had my second child. I ended up developing complications due to stress.
Recently, I lost my dad and went back home to visit and she insisted I stay at her place with my kids and maid, meanwhile, there’s no space in the house. My husband instructed me to lodge in a hotel because I’m currently pregnant and not too strong. She picked offence and started telling my siblings that I said she and her house smell.
Please help me to solve this riddle. I’m suspecting she isn’t my biological mum because she’s been like this with me all my life but doesn’t treat my siblings the same way she treats me.
Nah wah oooo!! I wish you had asked your father to tell you the truth before his death! My dear, I think it is too much love she has on you that is making her behave in this abnormal way! Try having a heart to heart talk with her, assure her that you are always there for her! Put it in prayer too
‘… doesn’t treat my siblings this way.’ That clause has affected my advice. On that note, I would advise you go to her house purposely to have a heart to heart talk with her. Narrate all these instances(and others if more), tell her you just came to find out why she hates you and that you are almost convinced she is not your real mum. Her response will inform your next action.
NB:This kind gist dey make sense for midnight when everywhere dey calm
I think this person is my half sister. My step mother is worse than all these you mentioned to her 2nd child (daughter) and trust me she’s her biological mother. She gives her mother too much attention hence all the tantrums. I think you are doing same thing. Trying to please her always. She has lived her life and doesn’t want you to live yours. Limit the attention you give to her and watch how you will have some peace. If possible change your lines and don’t allow her have the new line after all she’s not useful to you. A mother who would disrupt your wedding, not come for omugwo and makes noise about everything and anything does not deserve your attention or need to know things about you. Show her tough love. If she tries to visit you, do not go the extra mile trying to do her every bidding. Just because she’s your mom (because I strongly believe she is) doesn’t give her any right to be messing with your pysch. Some women are just terrible people my step mom inclusive. None of her other children can stand her (biological and steps). The only person who tries to even be close to her, she does worse things to her than your mom did and is doing. Don’t let anyone blackmail you emotionally by saying but she’s your mom don’t treat her this way nah. If you cannot change your lines, stop taking her calls and let her know you will no longer tolerate her nuisances and you guys can be mother and daughter again if she decides to become sane and civil. Above all pray to God to help change her. From your write up, she doesn’t sound like a very old person to me so why all the troubles!?
Thanks for ur input. I have a friend in a similar situation. When next we talk, I’ll use ur words. God bless u.
Awww u would have asked you father who u really are but all d same u cn report her to her pastor or priest so dt she will explain y she is behaving dis way to u.
My dear be strong ad pray so dt God will show u wat is going on.
this is serious
You should’ve asked your father this question before he died, but it’s not too late, I think you should approach the good elders in your village, they will tell you the truth, you can also ask your mom, her reaction will tell you if she’s saying the truth or not…And the final option is to go for DNA without her consent, this will put your mind to rest, cos anybody in your shoes would’ve questioned if this woman is really their mother, judging by her treatments towards you. #enoughsaid
Gosh! What a mother! I will advise you stay away from her as much as u can but keep supporting her financially as possible as you can. It’s well
This your own is not a physical something and it seems your husband knows! She seems to be involved with spiritual things beyond you. Oftentimes when you don’t cooperate with them spiritually, they get pretty nasty. Ignore the tantrums, pray and never sleep in her house because that seems to be the condition, never ever try it.
Distance yourself from her. She has other children that cooperate with her. Send her monthly allowance and pray well.
That’s the way of some people so protect yourself and your family.
This your own is not a physical something and it seems your husband knows! She seems to be involved with spiritual things beyond you. Oftentimes when you don’t cooperate with them spiritually, they get pretty nasty. Ignore the tantrums, pray and never sleep in her house because that seems to be the condition, never ever try it.
Distance yourself from her. She has other children that cooperate with her. Send her monthly allowance and pray well.
That’s the way of some people so protect yourself and your family.
My Dear she is your mother. My mum is the exact same way till I cut her off 4 years ago and I have had peace of mind. My mum is the same way with all 6 of her kids and will go to any extent to disgrace you and hurt you.
She still plays her tricks and has people call me accusing me of saying things that I couldn’t have ever said since I haven’t spoken to her in 4 years.
She promised heaven and earth that I won’t be able to have children and was crying in the market place when I was about to have my first child and that to me, was the last straw.
Since I cut off ties, I have discovered a lot of people with parents like mine and I think some situation in their past caused them to be this way.
I advise you just keep yours at bay and keep contact short and sweet. She will still find ways to hurt you, but be determined not to be. God is your strength.
For my mum.. somewhat similar … I’ve not called since last year when she cursed my sister n disowned her because she insisted on marrying her own choice of husband. No one understands her even her own siblings.. my 2 pence advice is to stop giving her that power over you.. you may not cut her off your life but do not allow your life to be dictated by her n her comments and reactions to affect you..
My siblings can’t come to my house anymore cos she poisoned their mind against me.. I stl av the intention of going to have that talk with her but I have taken away her power to affect me in this manner.. I suggest you do same.
One thing stands out through your story. Your mum is intent on having you stay at her house. Many of her problems seem to arise from your multiple refusals to sleep at her house, which were all for logical reasons. What makes it worse is that during prayers for your wedding, you received a warning about dressing in your father’s house. That is proof that there is alot more to this issue than meets the eye. Afterall, which mother won’t be excited about her daughter’s wedding and even more overjoyed at the impending birth of her grandchild?? Please, keep her, yourself and your family in hooottt prayers. Whatever is hidden should come to light soon enough; and you will have the peace of mind to enjoy your marriage. All the best to you.
Put everything in God’s hands and trust Him to make changes in your life.
She is ur mum,she is just taking advantage of ur attention u give her always.do ur best and leave the rest.some mums are like that ooo!mine inclusive.u can also talk to her let her know ur stand.