Dear MIMster: What Have I Done Wrong In My Marriage?
My marriage is 2 years and four months old. I was working when I got. After the wedding, my husband insisted that I stop working since he also very busy. He said he would pay me whatever I was earning since he’s fully aware I’m the breadwinner of a family of 7 and a widowed mother.
I was reluctant but obliged after much persuasions from him. After quitting my job, he never kept to his promise but instead I’ve been receiving the hell of my life. He stopped me from wearing trousers and make-up and doesn’t buy me clothes.
His sisters who are also married give me clothes and most times, these clothes don’t fit so he complains often about how I dress. I complained to my eldest sister and she bought clothes and sent to me, he never called to thank her.
I don’t feed well and it’s affecting my health. During my 1st pregnancy, I was placed on diet which I never observed because what he gives me for food every month cannot buy all we need like baby food, pampers, etc. I almost died for shortage of blood during child birth. Yet he expects 3 squared meals!
I’ve never given my parents even a penny since I got married and my mother has not been paid her meagre salary for months now. He checks my notifications on facebook, Watssap messages and BBM chat by chat yet, I don’t have access to any of his. He recently asked me to pack out of his house because I changed my facebook password. It’s not like he asked for it and I refused to give him (it was like a child’s play to me).
Then finally, recently, he’s been talking of going to the UK for his masters and will resign from his job. Now my question is this, is it right for him to leave me with a child, pregnancy, without a job and in school to go pursue his ambition? Is it fair that I sacrificed my job and I’m getting all this treatment in return? I’m not aware of any plan from his side to ensure the kids and I will be fine during his absence. So couldn’t he have waited for me to at least finish school (next year) and give birth before making plans to go?
What happens to me and the kids? Help me with answers pls cos I’m pregnant and depressed. I do everything humanly possible to keep my home tidy and put food on the table even with my one-year-old child and pregnancy. I am neat and quiet, don’t challenge or disrespect him. I’ve never in my life talked back at him. What have I done wrong? Marrying him?
When I read stuffs like this,I get scared of getting married,so sorry dear woman,sometimes we have to love with both heart and head
The day u agreed to quit ur job is the day u made the biggest mistake of ur life. I’m so saddened right now
Men r not to be trusted
U ve to get something doing to help provide ur needs
So sorry to read this. To tell you the absolute truth, your husband will not care whether you eat or not when he travels out. You better find something to do for yourself. What a wicked soul he is.
Awww dis man is a sadists as am seeing is like he wants to abandon u go on midnight prayer with a broken heart ad table dis to God.
Some so CL men are nt to be trusted
hmmnn, things like this make me scared of marriage. but I believe mine wud be for the best in Jesus name
You made a huge mistake quitting your job. He set you up. He knows what he is doing. He wants to alienate you, take you away from your support system. Very soon he will ask you to stop communicating with your family. Now he wants to travel without you and then leave you with a kid and another on the way knowing fully well you can’t cater for yourself and kids. you shouldn’t have listened to him. I feel so sad reading this, he is just being wicked to you. You need to get something doing asap to keep you and your kids alive please.
it was a well tot out plan. get a job….forger him,stop being a jelly wt him.sometimes u need to stand up to dem.i dint say fight or insultive….,above all stand on ur feet…ignore him
You are seriously not handling this well. This form of submission really looks like stupidity. Please it may be in your best interest that he travels abroad. You really need to find your feet. You have so lost yourself all in the name of being a good wife. when that done you can handle this situation.
The only mistake you made was quitting your job. Even if he kept his promise or even if he paid you triple of whatever you earned, did you ever stop to think about what the fate of the family would be if he lost his job, doesn’t make as much money, falls ill or even dies? Nobody prays for evil but you’ll agree with me these things happen. It’s not too late, dust your certificate and hit the job market. Meanwhile, learn a skill(especially something you are passionate about) because it will come in handy even when you get a job. Leave him to his conscience
Prayer without action is like faith without works; God does not answer the prayer of a person who does nothing but just sit and pray. Dust yourself, go out, get something doing, no matter how small the job is, get busy, and forget him like a plague. If he want to travel so be it, don’t allow marriage to cover your sense of reasoning. Some men can be dumb
Chai this is Wickedness at its peak!! Why do men change after marriage? Now that he knows u ve nothing to fall on he’s punishing u and his children! May the God of Justice visit him pretty soon….. He’s a bastard
This is heart wrenching, dust your certificate and look for a job.
I really sympathise with you on this issue,all I can advice you to do is to pack out and seek help from your sister and pick up you life.I know you can do it and you are a strong person and God loves you so dearly.Please do not blame yourself or hate your children because the road is going to be rough but hold unto God.I can say this to you because I passed through a more harrowing situation than this and become a mental wreck but today I have a beautiful home,a wonderful son and a good job with lots of benefit.Please get out now when you still have the strength.God bless you dear sister.
No matter how a man confesses his love for you,dont make urself vulnerable,Its difficult to see a man that keeps to his promise letter by letter, well you made a fool of urself wen u quite ur job, u fell for his scheme, d did has been done,I hope u`ve laernt ur lesson d hard way dust ur cert. & hit d job market
Don’t let love or marriage cover ya sense of sensibility. The deed had been done. My sis let him go, try looking for help now dt its not too late. Contact all those friends n colleagues u know u left or are connected, pray over all CVS n if possible move in wt ya sis temporarily, it s well.
Whenever a man tells u to quit ur job, just know dt u are in 4 1st class suffering. I think dt ws d mistake u made cos nw u are totally dependent on him and he knows dt so, he can run d show anyhow he likes
Y has he decided to make lyf unbearable for u? Hmm.i dnt tink he ll change.beta u try go bck to ur job,or get anoda esp after delivery n very strong to work.may God help u in dis struggle.
You have trusted him and he failed, this is now the time to trust God and yourself. Act like he doesn’t exist, start sending out your CV and making contacts, I mean look for job or use the little you have to start something. It is all about you and your children now. If he notice that you are living without him maybe he might rethink. Above all prayer is the key.