Dear Mimsters: My Mother Died, 15 Years Ago, But I Still Haven’t Found Closure

How do I find closure?

If anybody ever told me that I would be orphaned as early as I was, I would have just gone to tell my parents. That was what I knew how to do, tell my parents, especially my mum everything. From the girls in school calling me fat, to my twin brother fighting me.

I loved my mother. I thought that there was no woman as beautiful as she was. I wanted to grow up to be just like her. My father wasn’t rich, but we were comfortable, and even though we had our own trials as a family, there was love and we were happy.

All of that changed in 2001. My mum died after being sick for 6 months. We had no access to her because we were told that her illness was contagious. It started as mild headaches, loss of body weight, fits of insanity, and a fever.

My mother, who was just 41, when she took Fansida for her aches. That was her life sentence. Her skin started to peel off, from her tongue to her eyes, she was burnt inside. It was like she was given acid to drink. Nobody knew early enough, that we were allergic to Fansida in our family.

My father couldn’t do much for us, so we went to live with my aunt who did the very best she could for us. She did far better than a human being could. I guess my mother just has angels in her family. I guess that, looking on my life as a teen and as a youth, I often find myself feeling insecure, even with my husband till date. I always was ran over by girls. I remember an incident in primary school when a girl in my school called me ugly because of my “opon”, a huge forehead. My mother gave me a mirror, and told me that I was the most beautiful girl that God had created and that I should give myself time to grow. She told me that, it didn’t matter what people said, it only mattered what God said. Not having her around anymore, it was hard to live by those rules, she was right, she is right, but till today, I always end up falling back.

It has been over 15 years, I am married now, and have a daughter of mine, that reminds of of my mother. I look at her and I remember my mother. My sweet beautiful mother, my heart breaks. I know it’s normal but should it take this long?

I remember watching my mother deteriorate right before my eyes. Hearing her muffled words but not being able to see her, or hear her sing to me again, she had the most beautiful voice ever. I just want to find closure. How do I find closure?