Dear MIMsters: Am I doing the right thing or making the mistake of my life?

I met and fell in love with this guy in 2015. He said he loves me and I’m everything he wants in a woman. Today, it’s a different story and want to know if I’m making a mistake.

One year into the relationship, he proposed to me and I accepted. He told me he wants me to get pregnant so that he will start performing the marital rites. Even though it wasn’t something I support, I was blinded by this thing called love, agreed to it and started making plans for him to come and see my people.

While we’re dating, just the way he changed so many things in my life, I thought I had changed him with love, not knowing he was pretending. He’s a chronic womaniser who lies about everything and too full of himself.

When I got pregnant last year January, I was so happy and so was he. I didn’t tell my family about it because I wanted them to know during our official introduction but his family knew. The whole problem started when I finished my program and couldn’t go home with the pregnancy, so I moved in with him. That was when I realised that he hadn’t changed one bit.

His told his numerous girlfriends pressurising him that he with me only because of the pregnancy and nothing more. At some point, he suggested I abort the baby and wait until we get married. I was four months gone, so I refused and he told me to be ready to carry my cross alone.

When I could no longer bear it, I told his family everything. He started beating me as if I’m nothing and not minding I’m pregnant with his child, saying I should die. If I ever complained about the pregnancy, he would say something like, “are you the first to get pregnant,” are you carrying Jesus.” and other abusive words. This guy in question is a medical doctor that always handles pregnant women and should know better.

My mum travelled down to get me from his house. She said if he is still interested in me and his child, he should come and perform the marital rites before I put to bed. In my tradition, if he doesn’t, the baby won’t be regarded as his and won’t bear his name. I left his place and went to live with my cousin who lives in the the same city. But against my family’s wish, I still kept in touch with him cause I wanted my child to have a father. I even travelled to complain to his family who said they will call him to order.

I prayed and prayed, started reading books on how to make marriage work to know where I’m not getting it right, yet nothing changed, rather it worsened. He infected me when I was six months gone and he told me to go and treat myself that he’s not the one who gave it to me. I tried everything possible to make it work out between us because of the child but all I got back were insults and shame.

He didn’t care about my welfare or the baby’s. Rather he insulted me that I now look scattered and that I smell but I didn’t give up. When he got so fed up, he disowned my baby and told me that if I see him anywhere, I should pretend not to know, that I’m now a stranger to him, that he never loved me but it was lust.
For nine months I suffered and cried all day and night. When I woke up see that I’m still alive, I felt sad. It got so bad that I contemplated suicide to end it all but I thank God for my mum who always called to support and encourage me not to give up.

After delivery, I changed my lines and blocked him on Facebook so I could start afresh. When he sensed I had to put to bed, he started sending message to my old line that I should show him his baby’s picture, that he wants to talk to the baby, that his mum has the right to see her grandchild, that I have a child for him does not guarantee marriage and other rubbish.

Now his family is chatting me up on Facebook, telling me that what I’m doing is bad and I should allow their mum to see her grandchild. I swore that he and his family will never see what this child they rejected look like.

Am I doing the right thing or making the mistake of my life?