How to Save a Marriage After Infidelity

Infidelity is heart breaking and tough. When it occurs in a marriage, it can lead to wounds that sometimes, may never heal.

Some people do not even want to try to salvage a marriage broken by infidelity, others that try to do so eventually have a lot of hurt, anger, and regret to deal with. They end up asking themselves why, what, how questions that sometimes may not be answered.

There is a saying that goes, “Hurt people hurt people”. This saying is so true.

The journey towards healing is not an easy one. Here are three steps to take as you embark on efforts to save your marriage.

Genuine remorse: The offending partner has to expresses genuine regret for their actions. There has to be a sense of responsibility. Even if they were hurting or unhappy in their marriage, they have to accept, that no matter how bad it was, that was not the best way to have handled the situation. They have to be able to support their partner through the pain they have caused and need to willing to do their part in regaining trust.

Genuine forgiveness: As long as the spouse who was cheated on continues to feel hurt and anger, there can be no moving forward.

Acknowledging that they cannot switch off their feelings, even if they wanted too, they have to be willing to open up their hearts again, forgive and allow the healing process to begin.

Anger might run deep, but without forgiveness, nothing can be done. They can choose to calm their hurting hearts, by surrounding themselves with those people and activities in life that feed their heart and soul. This will help them feel strong and forgive.

Forgiveness does not mean condoning the affair or letting a spouse off the hook. It means accepting the damage done by the affair, but choosing to look forward. The betrayed partner might ask their spouse to be more transparent, like leaving their cell phone unlocked so it can be checked, or calling in regularly to share their whereabouts, which the offending party has to be willing to be part of. The purpose of such arrangements is to offer reassurance and to work hard toward regaining trust.

Honest and open communication of relationship issues: While there is no excuse for having an affair in a marriage, there often will be a reason as to why a spouse cheated. But rather than discussing the problems, the partner who had an affair acted on their unhappiness. If the marriage is going to survive, these problems need to be addressed. There are no magic formulas for moving past infidelity. Partners must share enough love, respect, and hope to work through the hurt, anger, and betrayal. They must be willing to work toward offering forgiveness and regaining trust. For those who do choose to find a way through it, the reward for their efforts – along with the wounds and scars, can be the enjoyment of a happier relationship and more personal growth than they ever could have imagined.