Dear MIMster: Help! I don’t understand why my husband treats me this way?

I have been married to my husband for three years now and I don’t understand why he treats me this way. We don’t have children yet because of the nature of my work (I am a security officer). I was on probation and have just finished and can now start trying to conceive which my husband doesn’t have problems with.

I have so many issues with my husband and I don’t know what really the problem is. My husband has always talked about me in bad terms to his family and friends. The least chance he gets, he will rather portray me as a bad person to them. Irrespective of the efforts and good things I do to integrate with his family, he thwarts my efforts. When we visit his family, he goes into rooms and talks with them leaving me alone in the yard.

His family respects only him as they see me and behave as if they don’t know me. During our wedding, I bought the same clothes for my MIL and my mum. While my own mother kept thanking, it’s been three years, and my MIL still hasn’t even said thank you to me because she thinks her son bought them. My husband’s family call him every now and then to check on him but they never ask about me.

My bigger problem is that my husband does not seem comfortable with my level of education and work. I have a very high level of education and highly placed at work place by the grace of God. Most men and even my fellow ladies keep praising and encouranging me every now and then, but my husband often tells me that I shouldn’t think I am that important. He is the type that thinks every lady no matter her achievements is nothing without a man. Even though he is a medical doctor, he often complains that he doesn’t feel he is in control of our marriage. And that I often portray myself as the man in the marriage.

I must admit I am an independent lady but it’s totally untrue that I hold my husband as the head of the family. He feels inadequate all the time, and says I don’t have to put him down in order to shine which I usually don’t understand. He takes decisions alone and usually don’t want me to make input because he thinks I have to respect his views as the man of the family.

His family since our marriage is yet to welcome me into their family. They know very little about me but my husband keeps portraying me as a bad woman to them. I have been trying to let them know the true me but my husband never allows that as he told his sisters not to talk to me. I feel very bad and lonely for not being able to integrate with my husband’s family but he doesn’t care. I try to get close to his friends but I get embarrassed by their attitude towards me because of what my husband tells them about me.
My husband doesn’t really take care of me. I take care of my own needs but he ensures I don’t have peace of mind. I have been contemplating divorce but I would like to see your opinion on this.