Dear MIMsters: How Do I Stand the Shame if I Leave Him?
Hubby wasn’t like this before I got married to him, but since I gave birth to my 5 months old daughter he has changed totally.
He beats me for every slight mistake I make. Less than 2 weeks ago, our families gathered to settle this same issue and he promised never to lay a finger on me again. He begged and begged, then I forgave him and went back home. Now he has done the worst again.
Infact, beating me is an understatement as he almost killed me. This is all because I went to the market and it started raining so heavily and couldn’t find transport back home early. I never knew it was going to rain that day. I had to walk a long distance under the heavy rain. I had left my 5 months old baby at home with my younger sister. I got home so late that day and hubby came home early that day.
I was angry that he was at home and he didn’t even bother to call me to know my where I was but he called my mum and his elder brother who told him not to beat me when I return because he could tell he was already angry.
As I was undressing, he came in and asked me where I went to, then I told him not to ask me any question that why didn’t he call me to know if I was dead or alive since he was at home. I didn’t know he was already angry. He pounded on me like never before, beating me so mercilessly that day that I almost gave up. He accused me of cheating on him. Since I married hubby I have never thought of cheating because hubby was a good man until now that he has changed totally.
I called his elder brother first because he said I should always call him first if there is any problem. He came the next morning. After explaining what happened, he blamed me for the whole thing. He said how I responded to hubby shows I don’t have respect for him and it is enough reason he always beats me. I know I can be very rude when I am angry but I always apologise afterwards.
Hubby noticed all these before we got married and promised to accommodate everything because he claimed he loved me. Now, he is using it against me. His elder brother didn’t even bother to apologise for what he did to me, rather he said that if I leave, I am on my own because I threatened to leave for my parent’s house to cool off my head. He insisted I must not leave and if I must leave, I should go to their family house in the village to stay with MIL but I refused because hubby always visits there and I don’t want to see him.
Hubby told me that if I leave, he will never step his foot in my parent’s house to come look for me. I called my mother and told her everything but she insisted I stayed back but I didn’t listen to her and returned home with my baby.
It’s going to 1 week now and can you believe that hubby hasn’t called or come to see us and hasn’t even apologised since the incidence. I have called my uncle and my elder brother who are representing the family now as our head because my dad is late and they have promised to come and resolve the issue.
My question is did I do anything wrong by going to my parent’s house because everybody is blaming me now for leaving. They are saying must I leave after every little misunderstanding I have with hubby. They say can’t I stay to resolve it between us?
Secondly, if my people are able to eventually resolve this issue between hubby and I and he aoplogises, (if he does), since it looks like he has made up his mind about me without even feeling remorse for what he did, should I still forgive him and go back home?
Thirdly, even if I want to leave hubby like I’m planning to as I’m tired of been beaten up like a goat for every slight mistake, how can I stand the shame of what people will say? And will I have custody of our child? I don’t want to leave my child with him for any reason. I’m a business woman. I can take care of our child with or without him.
My concern is ur third concern about facing shame of leaving, my sister of u die after a next bout of beating, remember that dead people don’t feel shame, so it is even better you face the shame(whatever u mean by that) than lying in a cold grave
For ur child, hope u have been documenting all the beatings by pictures and medical evidence? No court will give an abusive father custody of a child, so don’t let that bother you
A pity your family is not standing up for you sha but IT IS YOUR OWN LIFE THAT IS IN DANGER AND YOUR CHILD THAT WILL SUFFER IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO YOU,SO BE WISE
Beating should not be tolerated. What is shame? Will you prefer to die? My sister, you’ve already taken a giant step which is the most important one.stick to it. Its good you are working, Keep your head high, don’t let them get to you. I mean your husband and his brother. God will see you through.
You are thinking of the shame of what people will say? Is it people he keeps beating? So what people will say is more important than your life? What is wrong with married nigerian women? Smh.
He is not responsible at all, for a man to lay hands on you,its very shameful. First pray and fast about this and talk with him calmly that if this continues your leaving. But if it continues,Pls leave that marriage and stand your ground no matter what anyone says. U said your a business woman so you can take care of yourself and your child.
would u think of shame wen u find urself in he’ll or heaven n ur baby is on earth suffering in d hands of her father n step father.would think of the shame wen u go back n ur child hates marriage because of ur pride in not wanting rope leave an abusive marriage…my dear walk out wt ur shoulders high…women die daily. due to domestic. abuse