Dear MIMsters: I Wished I Had I Listened to my Mum About My Boyfriend

I was a 23-years-old adult female in my third year at the University. Growing up, I have never been a promiscuous girl. I’ve always been smart with the choices of guys that I date and I have never gone past the point of no return with any guy, if you know what I mean. I dated a few guys, here and there but never really had a steady boyfriend.

It bothered me when I noticed most of my friends, room mates and girls who live in the same hostel with me were involved in steady relationships but I wasn’t. So when Esosa came along and showed great interest in me, I welcomed him. We lived in the same hostel off-campus so we basically hung out everyday.

Soon, we started dating, I fell in love hard and we became a power couple in the hostel. He became the first man I had sex with. Even though we had different rooms, you will always find me in his room. My sister who lived with me didn’t like this and she told my mum about him and how I am always ‘camped’ in his room. My mother got furious because she didn’t like it one bit. She called me and gave me an ultimatum to break off the relationship and to stop sleeping in my boyfriend’s room or she will come to the hostel, make a scene and disgrace me.

Meanwhile, everyone in my hostel around me were doing basically the same thing. It’s quite normal to have a boyfriend and spend time hanging out in his crib or the other way round. Besides, I am not a little child anymore. I am an adult. Am I not allowed to have a boyfriend?

I wished I had listened to my mum because even though I didn’t get pregnant, that relationship almost destroyed me emotionally because I was head over heels in love with me. I fell back in school, had poor grades, spiritually, I backslided and the guy went on to form a secret relationship with my best friend and other ladies. They all claimed they were not going out but I was the subject of their gossips. We had arguments and fights. First, it started with a push, by our next argument, he was already landing me slaps. Now, I was hooked and it wasn’t so easy to call it off even though I knew I had to.

At this point, seeing I had settled into the relationship, my mum had simmered and was just praying and watching. So she was shocked when I told her that I would be breaking up with Esosa and gave her my reasons. She gave me her support but warned me about how difficult breaking up could be.

My mother was right. Even though I was the one who initiated the break up, I hurt terribly. I cried all day and all night. The pain became physical and I got so tempted to initiate a reconciliation with him. They guy moved on so fast or so it seemed because he hooked up almost immediately with my sister’s friend.

To cut a long story short, even though I finally got over him in a way I never imagined was possible, it was not a small feat. I did some pretty crazy things as a way to cope with the pain. Looking back, I now realise that I would have saved myself a world of heartache and pain if I had listened to my mum. But I guess it’s all part of growing up, isn’t it.