Dear MIMsters: I’m Dying Slowly But My Husband Won’t Lift a Finger to Help Me
I got married 3 years ago and I have a 2-year old daughter. I’m 6 months pregnant now. My problem is that my husband doesn’t help me with the household chores at all. We are both professional teachers but it seems he doesn’t care for anything and won’t lift a finger to help.
He’s always lying on the sofa watching TV or busy with his phone. I have to strap my daughter to my back while I cook because she is always in need of attention. I am always on the move, up and down everyday. Even when I am in a lot of pains in my abdomen, I must still go ahead with the chores.
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Sometimes, I have morning classes as early as 7a.m, yet my husband won’t help me with our child, so I can hurry up to school. I sometimes feel tired when I get to school due to the rush. When I complain, he says nothing. The next day, he would help just a little but it stops on that same day.
He accuses me of wanting to share my responsibilities with him, but I also share financial responsibilities with him. Infact, I cater for almost every thing with my salary. If I least forget anything that is left undone, then he complains.
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Recently, I was not feeling well at all. After visiting the ante natal for anti-tetanus and malaria drugs, I was weak. Yet, I tried to cook for him but I forgot to give my daughter her medicine since she was sick. I couldn’t do it because I was lying there tired and weak.
The next morning, he started to blame me for not giving the child her medicine meanwhile he was watching football that day. Why didn’t he give it to her either? Am I to do everything because I’m a wife? Am I a slave because I’m a wife? Why won’t he help me? I’m constantly losing weight because I am too stressed. I have complained to several respectable people to talk to him, but he doesn’t listen. Will he even help me when I give birth? I don’t have any body to help me except his mum.
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Typical Nigerian man. I am sorry you are married to yourself. There’s no difference between you and a single mom. Please stop sharing financial responsibilities with him. Use part of your salary to hire a maid lest you collapse one day because of stress. If he wants to share financial responsibilities, then he should be ready to share chores too. I can’t even tolerate such men. This is why most married look older than their age and their husbands look younger.
This is crazy, a lot of men are transferring responsibilities to their wives and they enjoy laziness.
Take permission from work for one week and give yourself bed rest, refuse to get up from bed in the morning that you are too tired to do anything. If possible arrange with your doctor to say you need complete bed rest and must not get up from the bed except to use the bathroom. Start on a Monday when he has to go to work. Arrange for food to be brought for you when he’s out of the house. Let him be stuck with your daughter, he will sort himself out. Remind yourself that if you die both father and daughter will continue without you. If he tries to pressurize you to get up, fall down in front of him. Once you can get away with this one week off he will learn how not to drive you too hard, you are his wife, not his horse.