Dear MIMsters: Please Tell Me Where My Actions Went Wrong With My Husband?
I would like to know if my actions were wrong.
Hubby and I had a quarrel this is what led to it. My hubby has no source of income presently. So he is in the habit of taking my money without telling me. Although, he does not use it for his pleasure, he uses it to buy things for the home like baby food, soap etc.
Notwithstanding, I always tell him to let me know if he wants to use my money as I would like to keep track of our expenses. I am the kind of person who leaves money or my atm cards where anyone can access it. For example, in the car, in my handbag lying around in the living room since it’s just me, him and our two little kids.
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On this particular day, my hubby dressed up to go out. He said he was going to buy some things for the house. Since he didn’t ask me for money, I thought he had some cash. (Sometimes, his siblings send him money from time to time). Not quite long after he left, I received a debit alert on my phone.
I called him immediately and asked why he didn’t tell me before using my a card and he got angry and cut the call. He came back home, returned the money he withdrew and said he won’t get anything for the home anymore except it is with his own money. He was really upset and angry.
Am I to blame for this? Wad I wrong? All I wanted was for him to tell me when he wants to use my card or cash.
just take it easy on him
It depends o the to be of voice you asked him about the purchase. It also depends if you have previously shown resentment when he takes your money.
I’m not trying to blame you my sister.
Let things cool down a bit and have a heartfelt talk with him. The challenge is that he May not help buy stuff for the home even if you ask him to, unless with his own money.
Your method of approach is the issue not the taking of money without your consent,there are other better ways to put it dear and he will understand,take it easy.
You are not wrong. He should ask first before using your card or taking your cash.
You just said he doesn’t misuse money and only buys things the house needs. U are very wrong to expect permission why because no man will be OK with that. Except these boys that feed off sugar mummies. He is ur husband and d man of d house, whether or not he has money. He is even caring and does shopping for u and you still have to nag him about taking permission first? U can as well castrate him cos what u are doing is equivalent. Ciao.
I think it’s fundamentally wrong for him to spend your money for ANY reason without informing you. If the tables were turned, would he allow you to use his ATM without permissions? HE should be reasonable abeg . . . you are not asking for too much.
You ain”t wrong in any way, there’s nothing like manner of approach or method of speaking. Adults shouldn’t be acting like kids.
It is not ‘your’ money. It belongs to the family. Humble yourself and you will see where you went wrong. Attitude adjustment my dear. This cannot be an easy time for him.
I have been in a place where I do not earn money and I am given a credit card to use but each time I used it, I would get a shouting or a need to account for every little cent used. And I used the money for food for the children, bills etc but it was always the 3rd degree. I ended up putting the card back in one of his suits. He gave me another card and I cut it up in his presence. I depended on my friends and family even to get money for lotion and pads for me and our daughters.It was a tough 3 years. He wanted to buy everything for the house including personal items. He would then show off to my relatives, our pastor and his friends on how nothing was missing at home and that he even trusted me with his credit cards. I reality, it was torture.
Now I have a job and running a business that is taking off, he is struggling, he is afraid to even touch my cards because he remembers how he used to treat me. You have no idea what the future holds my dear, imagine you were in his shoes.
You could even open an account that you transfer what you jointly determine to give to him for what he has to be responsible for actually paying such as utilities, fuel etc – it will help his pride and his heart. I would have loved to have been given that opportunity to make a decision to go and buy tomatoes from the supermarket in the next neighborhood rather than from the supermarket in our neighborhood. It’s a horrible season for anyone to go through.
Be gracious.
I totally agree with you. How can she expect her husband to tell her (take permission) before using her ATM despite the fact that he’s not misusing the money?
She is very wrong.
You are wrong ooooon d fact is that he is not using d money for selfish reasons but for the home. The only thing u shld have said to him was thank u soooo much. You guys are married and have definitely become one and u shld accord him that respect even if he doesn’t have a job for now. Soooo many men wouldn’t dare use the money to get stuffs for the house and would rather lavish it and would still not be remorseful. Candid advice apologise in all sincerity and never qstn him on it and allow him to keep being ur loving husband by helping out without interogations over sth dt u also benefit from