Dear MIMsters: I Need My Mum But I Feel Guilty Fraternising With Her
My dad and his family members are not in good terms with my mother, therefore I am not allowed to be fraternising with her.
They said that my mum left me when I was just 3 months and they are the people who took care of me till now. I am 20 years old today.
Till date, my mum hasn’t come to look for me. My father and his family hate her because of this and they do not want to see me around her, nor her around me.
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Sometimes, I sneak out to secretly meet my mum.
I’m the only step child in the family. So, anytime we go for a family gathering, while all the other kids are hanging out with their parents, I always sit alone. My dad is also married to another woman and they have kids. But this woman doesn’t want to see me in their house. She frowns when she sees me.
Apart from that, no family member is willing to let me come live with them, so I am living with my Granny, my dad’s mum.
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I want to tell my dad that I am no more a kid so I can go and visit my mum as often as I want, so I can get to know her. The thing is I feel guilty and ungrateful about this because my dad’s family always says that after taking care of me, I now know that I have a mum. What should I do? How do I handle this?
They don’t want you with your mom, yet they won’t care for you properly? Smh. Only God knows what happened that made her run away and not look back. Tell your father about how you feel.
I wonder why you want to see a woman that abandoned you at 3 months and never turned back to come and see you. Sneeking to see her is the height of betrayal! What do you need her for? She has never been there for you and even now you’re the one looking for her. Have you ever asked her why she abandoned you? Why she never came to see you throughout your growing years? If you have ever asked her these questions, i am very sure that she will start running away from you because she won’t have good answers for these questions.
Pls leave her alone because you don’t need her, she is your biological mother but she is not a mother.
Ask her why she left,then ask your dad too why she left.put two and two together then draw your conclusion to know where you belong.first of all get yourself happy before finding happiness or who to cling on.
Every child wants to see their parents so you are not wrong in wanting to have a relationship with your mum. Some things are important. How is your mums character? Is she open, loving, honest and kind? Have you ever asked her what happened in the past, why she left you and your dad? Is she financially stable? (This one matters too).
Have you ever asked tour dad what happened? That is if his wife will give you the chance to communicate.
It seems whatever happened in the past generated a lot of pain and that affects your family’s attitude.
You live with your paternal grandmum. What happens if and when she dies? With whom will you stay?
To me, there is nothing wrong with seeking out your mum. However, apply wisdom so your dad’s people do not punish you emotionally or financially.
You can’t swallow a story that is one sided, ever asked your mum why she left and never came back for you? What was your dad and his ppl’s side of the story like? After all is said and done your mum will still remain your mum.. Do try to forgive her even if she erred.. Make yourself happy and as for me, going to see your mum is not a bad idea.. You need a mother in your life? GO FOR IT..
That is to show you that your Mom was never treated well by this same people. Kindly get close with your mom and find out why she fled.