Dear MIMsters: After Realising My Mistake, Here’s What I Have Resolved to Do In This Marriage

Wish me well in what I have resolved to do about my marriage.

Last year, I got married to a man who is quite older than I.

I wasn’t head over heels in love with him though, but my reason was due to the fact that he is mature and exposed, I didn’t think I would have to deal with the childish nature common amongst most young men these days. My mistake.

He’s even worse than most young men as he does not communicate with me about anything whatsoever. He does not care about whatever I do, we don’t sit down and talk like a couple should, in fact, I have been married to myself.

I have tried to deal with it my own way. I have prayed and fasted all to know avail. Each day, it looks to me like I don’t know a single thing about the man I married. We have sex like once a month or sometimes twice in three months. And when we do have sex, we do not last up to 2 minutes and that’s it, no second round.

There’s nothing like romance or affection between us. I can’t even begin to count everything.

I’m one who does not discuss my problems with people, not even my mother. I’ve been very lonely in this marriage as he does not involve me in anything he does. He only informs later me about it.

He’s not physically abusive and most times when I ask him for help, he does provide but emotional abuse is just as bad. We have a daughter together and that’s all that gives me happiness.

I kept wondering if he’s living a double life as I couldn’t figure out why a married man lives the way he does. So, I decided to clone his phone, and OMG, I almost died.

The things I saw were things I can’t begin to imagine he’ll do. He goes as far as still having affairs with his exes who are now married.

Or he could just see a woman on someone’s dp and start begging to meet up with the person. He can beg very well, when some of the ladies refuse him. I really wished to love this man wholeheartedly. I really wanted to build a home so that all the abuses I went through because of a broken home as a child will not be meted out to my daughter or children.

My husband is 11 years older than me, so I expected him to be sober and ready to build a home, but this man has refused to see reasons with me.

As the strong woman that I know I am, this is what my resolution is. Before I wait for him to break my life and make me develop BP at this tender age, I’ll break my own heart.

I’ve decided to separate from him until he chooses what he wants. Until he learns to respect himself, because I can’t respect a man who keeps little girls who disrespect him outside, I will be moving out of our bedroom into the guest room with everything of mine.

We will live like flatmates because the house was built by both of us. I won’t hate him but I won’t love him nor cook for him, wash for him, go with him to church etc.

I want to give him ample time to enjoy with all the women and girls. I will also take the time to cater for my little daughter and better myself in some handiwork. I have a job though but I’m on maternity leave. I will continue praying for my marriage too and in due time, if we are meant to be together, we’ll come back, if we aren’t, I’ll get my own place and move on, and permanently divorce.

Please wish me well. My heart can’t stand cheating and infidelity. I’ve seen enough as a child and I will not allow one single man put me through what my mother went through, never, not again.