Dear MIMsters: He Use to Threatening Me With a Divorce, Now the Tables Are Turned
Now, the tables are turned with my husband who use to be the one threatening me with a divorce.
I am a married woman with 2 kids. My husband is caring and he loves me alot. I said so cause he does everything to please me and make me happy and I won’t forget to add that he does the house chores and takes care of his kids.
My husband is nice and kind hearted I must say but I have suffered because of him. I am kind hearted as well and I always respect and please him too. But the problem is my husband is very insultive. My goodness! There’s nothing I do or say that he won’t blame me for.
When he makes a mistake, he will say ‘WE’ and when I make a mistake he’ll say, ‘YOU’ and won’t stop repeating. He’s been doing it since we got married 5 years ago. I am so use to it now that and I can even predict what he would say next or how he would bad-mouth me. Somehow, I have become defensive and I am always ready to give him back double of his bad words.
In fact, I have lost every iota of respect that I have for him and even hate him such that whenever I look at him, I only see his flaws and do not even appreciate or see anything that he does for me anymore. I can’t seem to forget those hurtful words as it has eaten deep into my soul that I recently started behaving like him. I keep pointing out his mistakes to him and he always has every explanation for every mistake of his.
Sometimes, he say he knows what he is doing and most times he puts the blame on me. For example, I didn’t know he was driving and I called him, he picked up the call and blamed me for calling him when he’s driving. He asked couldn’t I have waited a little longer before calling him and because of my phone call he has to pay a fine. I was like how was I supposed to know you were driving?
Lest, I forget, he’s hot tempered too. Whenever he’s angry he can start throwing things. He has hit me once.
I always feel I should tell my family because they think my husband is so perfect and keep telling me how lucky I am. I have lost every iota of respect I have for him because of his bad-mouth towards me.
My husband never admits to his mistakes. He keeps blaming me for it or says things like it’s not ordinary. After he hit me, he said it was the devil’s work, that it’s not ordinary, that his enemies want to scatter his marriage. Can you imagine that? God! I am so tired of hearing those words and how he constantly shifts blames. I’m so tired of it, really.
I want to leave him but he won’t let me go. He use to be the one threatening me with divorce 2 years back because he thought he was an angel and no other perfect man like him anywhere else in this world but when he notice that I don’t love him anymore, he stopped. He’s now the one scared of losing me.
He promises to change but we always end up arguing and I can’t stop myself when we start arguing now as I’m even tired of him. Please help me. Am I at fault here? And if I am what can I do? I have tried to change cos he has promised to stop bad mouthing me and accepting his fault now but honestly speaking I am getting worse cos I don’t even want to see his face anymore.
Are all these enough for me to have lost all respect for him.? Please don’t be rude as I can’t handle any bad words from anyone any more. I am hurt deep into my soul.
Respect they say is reciprocal. I don’t blame you at all for the way you feel towards him because he caused it. You need to pray to God to give you a change of heart towards him so you don’t continue to resent him.
Oh dear. Things have gone downhill.
Could you undergo some professional marital counselling? It may help.
Resentment in marriage is huge, it can only take the grace of God for love to reign again.