Dear MIMsters: This Rift Between My Husband and My Family Is Making Me Suicidal

My husband and my family are at a rift. My husband claims my dad has no regard for him. On the other hand, my dad claims my husband is disrespectful and too full of himself due to certain utterances hubby made.

The problem now is that I am now the one at the receiving end. My husband is now showing me attitude. He no longer involves me in his decisions, rather he prefers to consult his family members (MIL, SIL, SIL’s daughter and her baby) who are living with us.

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I no longer have a say in my matrimonial home. I am treated as an outcast. Hubby would rather give money for housekeeping to his older sister than giving me. I come from a different tribe, hence, I don’t understand their language but can pick up a few things during their discussion.

My husband got a better job and he never informed me. After church service, members were coming to congratulate me on his behalf and I looked like a fool asking what the excitement and congrats were all about. I could see the shock on their faces as they perceived all was not well.

As I’m writing this, hubby has gone on a trip and never deemed it fit to let me know. I waited for him to return home from work but he never showed up. As it was getting late, I called him to know where he is only for him to tell me not to expect him that he travelled. Whereas, the MIL and SIL and relatives of his living in the same house with me never told me. They only warm up to me when I provide some financial assistance to them.

This is just a few of the instances to show how my husband never involves me in his plans. I made my husband know how his attitude is hurting me and he bluntly told me in the presence of his family members that I should no longer consider myself as his wife.

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He said that for the fact I’m still living in his house, I should consider it a privilege. He said he can only reconsider if and only if my family calls him and tender an apology to him. He said that there is a limited time for the apology to be tendered if not he would have no choice than to take a drastic decision that won’t be palatable to my family.

In all of these, my husband’s family are solidly behind him. My husband is using me to get to my family. He said if my family loves me very much and have my happiness at heart, then they have to do whatever it takes to bring peace including calling him and tendering an unreserved apology to him. I know my husband can be very arrogant at times but for the sake of peace, I tried getting my dad to call my husband to end this rift but he wouldn’t take it.

My dad says my husband has no respect for elders and talks to him as if they are mates. He said my husband should be the one to call and tender an apology. My siblings are also strongly behind my dad on this issue. My husband and I live in the North while my family lives in the East. We have been married for almost 2 years. We decided against having children until our financial situation improve.

Now that hubby has a better job, we should be planning to have our kids but it’s been impossible due to this rift between hubby and my family. My husband even sleeps in the sitting room, while I share my matrimonial bed with his family. At the moment, I feel depressed and suicidal.

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In a few weeks, I have lost a lot of weight that when I walk, I feel my feet can’t carry me any longer. I am gradually losing my sanity. I no longer feel like I’m married. My blood pressure is on the increase as my health is failing gradually. I am still far too young to die. My marriage has become a prayer point that I table before God every day asking HIM to manouevre matters. Please kindly advise me on what to do to settle this rift and have my life back.