Dear MIMsters: Isn’t it Better to Quit This Marriage Now With Only One Child Involved?
I need to pour out my heart. My husband and I are legally married. We had our wedding in the church and at the registry. With the way things are going, I’m thinking it’s best to quit now with only on child involved.
I met my husband when he was a low income earner. I thought with time, things would get better, so I accepted to marry him. A year into our marriage, he got a better job, then he started showing his true colour.
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He disrespected my mum who came to take care of me when I had a baby. When he does something wrong, it’s an issue to correct him. Then, he started beating me. My parents had to interfere because he would lock the door and pocket the keys when beating me. I don’t hit him back, because I thought it was wrong. But it continued and his family said nothing about it. It got to the extent that my parents had to involve the police, but he did not change. All he kept saying is, “I No dey Fear Anybody, na God I dey Fear.”
We were apart for nine months and his people did not show concern. I decided to go back to my marriage because of my son. He had even started sleeping with different women. We did STIs tests before I went back to him. With what I am experiencing now, I don’t think he can change his character. He has never given me money for any of my welfare. Not even once for my hair.
When I talk to him about it, all he keeps telling me is that I am also working but he gives and borrows outsiders money. Since I married him, I have never received a gift worth 3k from him but he gave his mother 200k for her business. I am not against this but when it comes to me, he will say, he does not have money. When I give him list of things needed in the house, he will give me part of the money and tell me to add mine to it. My younger sister’s wedding is holding this month. There’s been no contributions from him. He keeps saying that he does not have.
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I have been taking care of myself as if I am a single mother. The only responsibility he fulfils is to sometimes have sex with me. There’s been no gifts, no outings, and no sweet words. I am Edo, he is Igbo. I know how most Igbo men take care of their wives and family. So is this not wickedness? His attitude is seriously affecting me.
Am I in the wrong marriage? Should I quit now that this marriage is in its early state? I have talked to him severally, but he is not ready to change. Is this kind of marriage meant to last? After all we have only one child. What should I do? Should I ignore him and continue to look after myself? I am so confused.
That man no fear God at all.
You are better off single my dear because you’re in a marriage with yourself. You know where the shoes bites most so take a decision today to either stay there and be married to yourself or leave the hell you call marriage. Goodluck
You are the one wearing the shoe and u re the one that knows how painful it is so if u wanna stay good for u bt don’t die of heart break. Sometimes the best thing to do is to let them go…. If u leave he will kw ur worth one day cause marriage is not a do n die affair n don’t stay in an abusive home n use ur child as an excuse….. Women when will u ever learn
My dear this is a very big temptation Bt always remember if d vow of marriage for better for worst. Only get on ur kneels ad cry unto God in prayer I believe he will change one day by force
My dear pls pray God will c u through
He doesn’t take care of you,abuses u physically,you left him and on your own decided to go back and continue suffering ‘because of your son’.You should ask yourself apart from sex what are you gaining from the man?He still sleeps around,I can bet he still has sex with you without protection.His family is not even interested.From your story,you are so single.
Hmmm this guy is just unnecessarily wicked. Why is he no not taking care of you? Are you sure you dint do something wrong that has prompted this behaviour? But you should have noticed it when courting. No matter how poor a guy is, he should be able to at least buy gift for a babe. So he wasn’t giving you money not because he dint have but because he doesn’t want to. Please I think you should take a walk. Am Edo and married to ibo. And he does take care of me well and treat me well. So that’s why I can’t just place a finger on why he is doing all this.
just trust in God, and continue to pray
If u are hoping for him to change I hop it wnt be to late cos a man with that kind of attitude only take the grace of God, my dear if dare is no changes plz pack ur bags and leave the abusive marriage, it’s nt a do or die affair
Women!!!!!! When will u learn? An abusive relationship is not worth. For all its worth, u re destroying ur son’s future by allowing him witness ur humiliation. He will think it’s OK cos his mom took it. Pls leave as fast as ur legs can take you. And remain faithful to him outside the home while praying for God to change him. When the change comes,he will come for you himself. Good luck.
Hmmmmmmmm nay God help u
If the beating gets out of hand please save your life
Run with your son
Or else another woman will raise your son while you are 6 feet under but God forbid
I completely agree with Mon Gemini
if he is abusing u den leave don’t wait.u decide.
dts too bad secure a future for urslf now n stay alive for ur son
na wa for una marriage sha. Think twice oj woman , make u know how u wan waka.
Poster follow your heart..if you want to leave please do now don’t wait till next 10yrs, the earlier the better.
My dear run, I was reading your story, I was telling myself but I didn’t send in my life story. I waited 11 years for mine to change he never did instead it got worst, I had no option than to pack out of the marriage. He denied me access to my kids and telling people that I sleeps around that’s why I packed out. I accepted, shebi I’m still alive, hale and healthy.
How long will u continue to suffer? Marriage is not a do or die affair……he has shown his true colours and I don’t think u deserve a man like this one. It is better you talk to your legs and get out of the marriage fast.
Some men are beast and you don’t want to wait until he kills you physically. How long will you continue to cry? You left him for 9 months and he did not change, you don’t want your son to grow up in an abusive relationship so Waka with your legs.
Thank God that you are working. Please level him for now and go. He will get to know your worth and come back for you. If you do not want to leave, then pretend like he’s not here and be happy. It will kill him slowly. Men enjoy when their wives cry
You are in an abusive marriage. The best you can do now is to separate from him asap before he destroys you completely. You need to also pray for your marriage but you dont have to be living with him while you pray for a change of heart for him. The decisin lies with you but remember it is better to be single and alive than dead while married.
May God Intervene
This guy is an embarrassment to every Igbo man cos our men take care of their women a lot. An Igbo man can wear a short an silppars for his wife to wear the most expensive Gorge in the market. This marriage is serious one chance, the beating and womanizing part is even the scariest part.
yea,u are in a wrong marriage and me self am in a wrong relationship. he does none of this u mentioned but he can neva gv me 1000 or even pay for my hair. i do everytin for myself and i gv him money too,which i stopped. since he cant gv me 1000,then i cant settle with him,like i told him last nyt i will allow someone else into my life,men are useless somtimes
My dear just advise yourself bearing in mind that a living dog is better than a dead lion…… goodluck
Pls kindly stay away from him, I’m happy you have a job. Take good care of yourself n son, he will surely come back begging. Commit him to God everyday. He is wicked, I’m surprised he is an ibo guy. I hear ibos take good care of their family( wife n kids) very well. It is well with women.
uve really endured a lot n d best thing u can do is pray as if u’ll neva pray again so that u ll b d one to enjoy wat u av labored for thinkin of packin is nt the best solution
He locks the door to beat you!!! Don’t put your life in more danger my sister bounce abeg!
My dear, my little advice is firstly, the Bible says, cry we last for a night, but joy comes in the morning… I will like you to keep doing your normal thing you do when u first get married and go on your knee and cry to your heavenly father to restore back your home and give u back your husband… Please do it @least three days, tell Him to take over your Home. And also pray for Him not to be destroy…note bible also says who ever find a wife find a GOOD THING… Receive strength and grace to do so… Remain Bless
My dear, my little advice is firstly, you are not in the wrong Married ok…the Bible says, cry we last for a night, but joy comes in the morning… I will like you to keep doing your normal thing you do when u first get married and go on your knee and cry to your heavenly father to restore back your home and give u back your husband… Please do it @least three days, tell Him to take over your Home. And also pray for Him not to be destroy…note bible also says who ever find a wife find a GOOD THING… Receive strength and grace to do so… Remain Bless
my dear just quit and move on
Sorry for this situation in which you find yourself. However you need to brace up and take charge.
#1 Do you believe in God? if yes, go to Him…BUT don’t go to him like a pharisee (stop the blame game, no one person can carry 100% guilt in a marriage, you must have been wrong somewhere too.) . Ruminate over the whole situation and confess your own errors to God, believing that He will forgive you and He surely do…but that is if you forgive your husband (not because your husband deserves it, but because you need God’s forgiveness Matthew 6: 14).
#2. You also need to change
If you agree to point #1 above , you need to change too. Continue in prayer to God, throw yourself to Him and let Him work on you, He can make you a good woman inside out, He can help you change the way you react to your husband’s ‘unacceptable behaviours’. Matthew 7: 3-5.
#3 Take your husband’s case to God.
You cannot change your husband because you didn’t create him, God can change your husband because He created him. Pray for him… but don’t be selfish in your prayer (James 4:3), pray that God will draw his heart unto Himself so that he can also be a true child of God
Then wait and see what God will do Psalm 46.
I join my faith with yours this day.
take it to God in prayer and He will surely change him for you
Married and living like a single mom is bad. I think you should quit because of the beatings. You can go back to your parents and try to improve on yourself professionally, academically and financially. Men hate seeing the wives they dumped doing better than them. Make it a revenge. Your husband thinks he has arrived but show him what he has is nothing. May God help you